Loneliness Pro Max

I hadn’t thought I would write this on my 30th birthday.

First of all, wish you a very happy birthday Nishtha. It takes courage to show up every day. And you are a brave girl. Braver than you know πŸ™‚

Now, I somehow felt very very lonely today. Just want today to end ASAP. I know I should be grateful for things that I do have, but somehow not facing the issues is making me weaker.

So here are the issues (it’s okay if you don’t want to read further. But I want to move further, and nothing is a better vent than this):

  1. I am on a diet and my Mom made dahi bhallas for me. A lot of them. The problem is – if I say I am on a diet, she will think I do not respect her. Because she thinks my sisters don’t respect her because they come home for lunches and dinner more than often. So her respect is annealed to food. Very small thing btw. I know. Except when someone thinks they are loved for what they do – without asking the other person if they really want it!
  2. One of my sisters got angry because I didn’t receive her call. (Not to mention, my phone was on. Just that there was no network connectivity.)
  3. Didn’t receive calls from any of my three best friends. One shared a very sad reason on message, for other two – no idea.
  4. I wanted to have bhindi for lunch. But at the same time did not want Mom to bother. Since they don’t like bhindi, they would be preparing another food item. So we came to an alignment for chaulai in gravy. The only intention for me was to prepare a common food item. Immediately our neighbour sent fried veggies to us. My Mom immediately jumped to preparing dal. Saying she loves dal with fried veggies. Though she offered to let me cook anything or better, she cooked it – I did not want that. So I had dal. Except that I have it everyday for dinner. So in a way in the process of helping her out, she ended up ruining my birthday lunch.
  5. I had kept my calendar free – for me to be able to enjoy with family. But my sister and her 3 year old come to our home daily, when my sister goes to work. After she comes back, they both watch cartoons in our living room. The last thing I wanted to do. So came back to my room.
  6. My team – whom I love so so sooo much, no one cared if it was my birthday. Yes, there were wishes. But I really didn’t know if I was just worth a birthday message to them. Well, what else they could do? I don’t know. But I make sure to at least be the first one to wish them. The sad part was – the ones whom I considered my friends – even they didn’t remember it was my birthday.
  7. The saddest part – I hadn’t thought I would be writing this kind of blog post today. To be very very honest, all this happens 364 days of the year and I am chill with it. Just that I had expected the world to make it better for me today. While they were just being themselves. So in reality, no one is wrong. They are just being who they are.

With that, if you have reached this far, thank you, for listening. I am doing therapy next week and hopefully I will see some light into these dark summer days.

Life is otherwise good.

  1. Signing up for the July Sweat Challenge.
  2. My cousin called up, and got him to sign up as well. At least convinced him πŸ™‚
  3. Got 3 new assignments today – from my boss only.
  4. Escaped the Saturday meeting of a client – the meeting that I anyway don’t love.
  5. Did a wonderful kick-boxing workout. And so, I loved it!!
  6. Had home made meals. Gratitude.
  7. Did NOT watch an OTT when I was crying. Super grateful for that.
  8. Wearing a nice white tee from UCB – with a rainbow on it. Freakin’ awesome πŸ™‚
  9. Quarterly bonus is coming in four days. Yayyy!!
  10. My boss from first job (that I quit 3 years back) messaged wishing me. Thanks to him πŸ™‚
  11. Studied a great class by Shaan V Puri – detailing how to pitch yourself. Damn, the details into writing πŸ™‚
  12. Went to God’s home – the spiritual center. And meditated more than usual. Couldn’t be happier

And you know what, while I was crying incessantly while typing what went wrong, I feel much much better for what I wrote above.

The good always has the power to wipe out the bad. I just felt it. Without even planning for it. Hope the same for you.

On that note, wish you a very happy birthday Nishtha:)
You’re a rockstar. Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.

Stranger stranger

This morning I posted a one-liner on LinkedIn:

You don’t know how much you can learn, until you sign up to learn.

Had two really weird comments.

Comment 1:

Comment 2 (Reply to Comment 1 by a stranger):

Thank you, to the wonderful community that stands for strangers and corrects the not-so-good others are standing for.

Thank you! 😊

So much injustice?

Think of a team of 20 people.
All are doing their work.
Some are rockstars, some are just getting along.

But you see the management treating everyone at par.

When you are a rockstar, this might irk you.
Someone else who is not performing is also being treated as well.

But…there comes a time, when things get levelled up.

We’ve all experienced this before.
The question is: What are we experiencing even when we are doing our best work? Envy or happiness?

My client ain’t responding!

Last Sunday, my client and I worked on a particular task to be done by him.

Today’s Friday, I didn’t get a response from him so far.

Should I be mad? (No, I don’t do that anymore.)
Should I remind? (Who am I? A primary class teacher who ruins the curiosity of a kid?)
Should I stop doing the work because he didn’t respond? (No, he didn’t hire me to do stuff when everything was going fine, I was hired to figure out stuff even when things weren’t fine.)

So, I went ahead with doing his stuff. Even if it was at 60% output, it was way better than 0% output.

And today he messaged that he delayed because of a due diligence audit.

See – such serious reason and I would have reasoned him to simply avoiding our work.

This not only applies to our professional life, rather also to our personal lives. We are creating mental constructs based on our assumptions of feeling worthless, while the reality is someone is trapped in other physical constructs.

Strange, no? Not really. We get to choose our thoughts baby!

One thing women must NOT do

Think of a scene in a household.

A millennial / GenZ is working on their laptop.

Mom is working on her things.

They are not talking. Not out of anger. Just because they’re chill.

Now imagine this.

Today, the Mom has gone to her Mom’s place.

Dad is at home because of evening curfew.

All of a sudden he feels alone.

Because guess what? The millennial kid is still working, nothing changed.

All of a sudden Dad felt he and his presumed “importance” were not catered to.

We do this so often, so much, that we even forget we do this.

What? The need to make men not feel alone.

That’s why shy girls speak more when around men. Just to comfort them.

Or daughters try to please Dads. Just because of this subconscious need to not make him feel alone.

Or why overriding a man’s instructions in office has to be supported with reasons.

If there is one thing women must not do, is this: Try to please men. It is so so so deep-rooted that we think it is our love for them, however, it is in reality rooting to that nature of not letting silence do the talking.

For females – in formal and personal relationships, we do a lot of talking through silence.
For males – in all relationships, you do not need to do the talking.

Just be. Who you are. In every relationship. Irrespective of the gender of the person you’re speaking to.

Don’t like Zoom calls?

One of the most common causes of anxiety is getting intimidated by looking at so many happy faces in a Zoom call, and then wondering, if it is only your life that is screwed up.

Here’s a hack I have started doing recently, and it works really well: I just look at myself, and it really works.

Not from an ego sense, rather making sure my face radiates the positivity I want to stand for.

If I am positive, I will influence others.
If I am comparing myself to others, I will myself ruin my positivity.