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I have never consumed non-vegetarian food in my life. Ever. 

For the past decade, I have even quit onion and garlic. 

I cook my food at home, offer it to God, and then eat it. I have eaten home-cooked food in trains, in airplanes, and even in my car when I went for a meeting and it was lunch time already. 

Oh, btw, I practice complete Brahmacharya as a way of my life.

Why am I telling this to you?

Last week as I was being a caregiver to my mother in hospital for three days. One of those days when she was having her lunch, she asked me to fetch water for her. When I returned, her roommate also asked me to fetch a glass of water for her. She was a woman probably in her 70s, the kinda ones that have seen everything in life, yet refusing to smile.

As per her instructions, I picked up her glass, rinsed it and then refilled it from our water bottles I had just filled. 

“Which caste are you from?”

She shouted as I went to rinse her glass.

When I returned with her glass of water, she confirmed again, “I hope you are from XXX caste.” This was her method of confirming she was consuming water from a pure source. 

So I said, “We are non-vegetarians.” I also added a fictitious caste to myself that is known for consuming non-vegetarian food. And then I returned to my Mom’s side of the curtain. 

My Mom who was barely able to walk under the influence of the surgery of the previous day, she and I giggled together. 

She apparently wanted to make sure she was having water from a *pure* person. I qualify beyond what she requires, but that is usually not a beautiful metric to judge people. Especially after you have asked them for favour. Thus, this fun. 

Sources say she is still asking her family to inquire about her co-patient’s caste 🙂

…especially in business.

I make my business decisions not based on today or a year from now, but based on “what if the world doesn’t work out as it does today and change completely?”

It allows me to not do certain things, to do certain things that don’t look practical, and in a lot of cases, always helps in the long run.

…Way too much.

So much so that one of the many reasons for me quitting my audit job was because me performing incredibly as an auditor sometimes invariably meant someone else losing their job. I did not think as much about what the “fired person” thought of me, but more about me not wanting to be a shareholder in a karma of someone’s firing.

I have spent 34 years of my life thinking a lot about what others think of me.

To a point where I am exhausted of it.

So now I just do my thing. Of course I take my care that I do not hurt anyone. And if someone says I hurt them, I apologise.

But the consistently over-functional mind that used to consider everyone and what they thought of me, is now sick and tired of being sick and tired.

So much so, that now I do not think of what others think of me. It still takes reminders. It still takes self-confidence. It still takes self-worth. But it is worth getting to the other side of knowing that what others think of you is none of your business.

When people complain, they never find the thing they are looking for. Because the moment they do find it, they go back to complaining about the next thing.

The qualm has never been about complaining, it is the habit that is more disastrous.

You are always looking for what is not working. You always find what you are looking for.

A better way of life is to look for ways you can improve the thing you are complaining about. You almost always find it, or find something better, or learn to live with it.

Life is too short to live by focusing only on lack. You didn’t sign up to be so sighed down.

If anyone around us wants to be quiet and not socialise, we demolish them.

I have found most people almost take other people’s need for quietness (that has got nothing to do with them) as a question on their character, credibility and even existence.

This makes the quiet-seeking people never say, “I am sorry I cannot come to the party because I want to sit at my home in quiet.” They invariably say a version of, “I am sorry I cannot come to the party because I have XX, YY and ZZ things to do.”

It is high time we understood that people seeking quietness is simply their need to recharge themselves. It has got nothing to do with humiliation, disrespect, our “disregard” to group ethos. Even if it has, then communication is going to solve it. Any offended person would want to run away from it.

What if instead of labelling people with what they have in themselves against you, what if tried to explore what they are actually trying to tell us? The worst that could happen is we go back to our previous ways of living. It’s a win-win, yet we choose to lose every single day.

When your schedule is ripped apart for the next 8-10 days.

When you are going to be facing the toughest battles alone, with a smile on your face.

When you have to be nice to the rudest ones, because your behaviour defines you, not them.

I have invariably concluded in life that fortuitous events in life are like chess pieces purposefully placed in your path. If you treat those like a game and play your next move with stoicism, no one can stop you from winning. If you toss the chess pieces apart calling the game unfair, guess who is the loser? And I am not talking about the game.

I gave up my successful career as a CA to become a writer. Or rather, even more successful writer.

One very common thing I get from people is pity. “Oh, you must be so brave. You gave up a lucrative career as a CA, that pays you really well, in order to become a writer. Poor you (pun intended).”

I smile and do not respond, here is why:

1. Life is about understanding that the more you become valuable in any field, the more money you make. It requires astute business sense, deep understanding of your field, and generous love for your craft. If you have none of these, you could be a pauper CA too.
2. I made a little less money than my last drawn salary in my first year as a writer, but then life has rewarded magnanimously, because I understood whose problems I wanted to solve through my writing, and how. Also, because there have been easily some 12-hour days behind this “easy success” 🙂

We spend our entire youth to study hard to gather degrees that give us education that give us jobs. Wisdom, though, is earned every single day for the rest of your life. Most of which is earned by being open to how others are living their lives. Carrying around sticky notes to label people is so-not-2026.

Lastly, dude I am a Sindhi before I was a CA. Make what you can of this 🙂

Is the answer for every question you are looking for.

What does self-driven mean?

To me, it means not relying on other people to motivate you, inspire you, or guide you where to go. It also means you get your sips of wisdom from books, videos, pods, etc. I also call this being self-dependent person.

If you give people the power to make you better, you inevitably also give them the control to make you worse.

When you are self-dependent, you know it is your job to push you, motivate you, and even to allow yourself walk in the park when you do not know the solution to a problem.

People leaning on others, on the other hand, invariably think the self-driven are cut from a different cloth. No they are not. At one point, they just figured that the only person that can help them is themselves.

There are many ways of becoming the main character of your life. The one thread thing to all of them is sitting on the driver’s seat.

Some characteristics of a safe person:

• Even if they disagree, they respect you.
• The disagreement is on an opinion, not on you as a person.
• Even if they do not like you, they are not going to badmouth you.
• Their life is driven by what they do, not what you do.
• They are easy to hang around with, if at all they choose to hang around.

…Gag yourself.

Go for a run. Go for a walk. Listen to music endlessly.

Do whatever you can to make sure you do not blurt yourself out at them.

At one point you will see them suffering, even if it is not because of you or what you said, and you would want to reverse everything you said.

…

That said, when you have calmed down and so have they, please have a communication like an adult. The intent is to come to a point where both parties win.

Life is too short anyway, but it is even shorter to use harsh words with your parents.

Just because they gave you trauma, does not mean you get to level up the karma.

…is closing your laptop after your work for the day is done.

If you really care about more work, you need that time off to let your mind wander.
If you don’t care about more work, stop wasting your time.

What if you tried waking up at 4, opening the door of your room that overlooks the outdoors, while your “jaali waala darwaza” is still bolted, and allowed the natural breeze to soothe you?

I do that every single morning and every single night of summer, for so many years, and I can guarantee no AC or no different weather can replace it.

Summer has its pain points, just like other seasons of the year, but the peaceful pivots it brings are something that you’d genuinely look forward to, if you enjoyed them at least once.

Boredom.

Allow yourself to crawl on the floor, read books inverted or even look out the window for infinite time.

Allow boredom to let you feel yourself.

You will then look forward to loneliness instead of running away from it.

When I had started writing around 11-12 years ago, the kind that was in fashion was writing blogs for companies’ websites and writing Instagram captions.

Over these years, the writing has undergone many changes (with the above two genres almost non-existent).

But this blog and my habit of writing it daily has stayed consistent. Time and again, I think of it as the best decision of my career.

When the algorithms are changing, when you see something that have built with consistency gather dust, when every day you have to work on pleasing the algorithm and not your customers — those are the days you realise building a blog is the finest thing you could do to yourself.

Not too big. Otherwise it might get overwhelming to the reader. Keep it crisp. But fill it with wisdom.

More than changing your career, you will also see how you have evolved as a person.

Especially when you are hyper-independent and ride a self-driven car like me.

You sit at the back of the cab, and you surrender.

You know you will be taken to your destination. You know you cannot control much about the forces you will meet in the journey. You have done your best, and now you are free (doing nothing) while getting things done (going to your destination).

I don’t build these moments purposefully into my life but whenever life calls for them, I have my best reflections.

I also believe it is true for every single one of us who looks out and does not look down at the screen in their hands.

Please try this the next time you are riding a cab (especially alone). Just you. Looking out. No phone. Not judging others. Not losing it out when there is traffic. Just flowing with the flow of life. You will practically feel the calm within chaos.

I think about this often.

Please note that I have not written “the shortcut”.

A shortcut usually avoids the core essence of doing something. A quick and an efficient way is going directly for what you really want, instead of preparing so much that you forget to understand that you are actually procrastinating.

The long route will still get you there, but why not do it quick?

There is a friend of an acquaintance of mine, who always needs people to lean on. Planning getaways, planning a catch-up, coming up with ideas to stay together, he has something planned for every weekend.

The other disadvantage is he mistakes his charisma and chutzpah for competence and confidence.

These kind of people are equally distributed around everyone’s circle. Once a year, I come across such hyper-dependent but visibly independent people.

Some characteristics:

• Always looking for the “next thing”
• Hates a monotonous life
• Questions everyone who doesn’t think like them
• Too much fluff, too little depth
• Too much charisma, too little competence
• They hold others together not by the depth of their thoughts but by the chutzpah of their conversations (this is an extension of the previous point)
• Show zero signs of empathy

When I think about such people, I pity them. What all must have transpired for them to be able to never know themselves. Maybe a lot of successes, because failures open doorways for reflection. Maybe too many failures, that they think someone else is responsible for them. Maybe a lot of fear, because spending time with yourself is scary. I honestly have a lot of sympathy for them.

But what I also know for sure is that most people who are surrounded by a character like this end up feeling they are wrong (and not this character).

And I am here to tell you that the only wrong thing that is going on is you not listening to your intuition. It is rare to be alone and it is often a gem. It is a mark of the highest level of satisfaction to adore your boring life. It is a joy to be a listener and not always speaking.

Of course a man is a social animal. But how will you ever know your inner voice if you are always surrounded by noises?

The loudest things in life are the quietest, if we have the audacity to listen to them.

…being kind to your house staff and the guards of your society.

Even though your rational mind wants to think they might have erred in something, to not stir that err is what truly makes you a great employer.

You do not necessarily need to make sure everyone else suffers in their job as you do. When life gives you an opportunity to make pressure stop at you instead of being a funnel for it, grab it.

What ghostwriting looks like:

I write on behalf of my client. I ask them questions, they answer, and lo and behold, the chapter pours like anything.

What ghostwriting actually is:

• I ask them questions
• They answer.
• But the client is passionate about 10 things related to the topic, so sometimes they divulge.
• Which is fine, because I get a TON of filler content for the book.
• But every chapter like this requires me to write and sharpen things to make the content stick to the point. Only those with focus can do it.
• Add to the above, you have to make sure the transitions are correct, the words are landing where they should, and it should be simple. Again, the hardest part.
• Lastly, do the heavy lifting of taking the filler content to the right chapters.

Writing is hard. Writing in someone else’s voice is harder. Writing to stick to the point while making sure the extra content is meaningfully taken care of in the book is the hardest.

But that’s fine bro. The hard work that you enjoy is the work that creates miracles.

I was in 6^th standard, when I was sitting lonely in mine and my sisters’ study-cum-bedroom, sad of losing my then best friend.

“She has picked up another best friend since last week,” I told my sister.

I don’t exactly remember what she said, but at the end of her monologue, sitting next to me, both her palms on each of my shoulder, she sang a song, “Dil pe mat le yaar”.

Two decades later, as life has gone on to play its unexpected playlist, I have often concluded that this is a cycle of life. Some friends walk along, some don’t. I am sure there might be some old friends of mine that think the same about me too.

But going down the doldrums of anxiety and apprehension is not going to help you. Rather, l have come to these two ubiquitous conclusions each time something like this happens:

1. You must learn to be happy alone.

2. Because when you are happy alone, you do not make others feel lonely the way you were made to feel little and lonely.  

It’s a subtle rite of passage where you have to walk through the path of fire, so that you become your warmth while making sure you protect everyone else from that heat.