I was once travelling to Sonepat from Noida with a few of my friends, and after reaching the destination, one of the friends commented, “You drive really well.”
Like life has been a mixture of compliments and criticisms, like for everyone.
Then when someone commented on a skill that women are usually trolled for, it somehow felt like a validation.
On a different tangent, I think we buy into the usual stereotypes so naturally that when someone tells us we are overcoming those stereotypes in a positive way, we feel elated. We feel elated because we could never expect we could excel, while we were excelling at those things.
Influence determines almost everything we do and how we think, hence it is worth considering what you allow yourself to influence.
It makes practical sense to sit together after a big project and talk about feedback to make it better.
What if, instead:
We get around the table and make everyone speak one (or three) good thing(s) about the project, but it has to be not from them but about someone else.
Then everyone else writes one thing they could do better with themselves in the same project.
And then they write the name of the person who needs to do better + how to do it better and more constructive next time (not just “you were bad”). You don’t need to write your name.
It has never been done before, but it is worth testing how we do at a point of cheering for others, correcting ourselves, and correcting others anonymously.
When you choose to write in your journal instead of scroll, you instantly feel better and lighter.
When you choose to invest your money instead of getting that Prada to pin on your Instagram profile, you instantly feel more responsible and reasonable.
When you choose to call your parents even if you are tired and want to sleep, you instantly feel grateful for a life where you are able to have their blessings.
We think we are delaying our pleasures, but the highest sense of pleasure is doing the right thing.
This does not mean you should not be doing things for others.
But it pays to do things for others when you genuinely want to, not out of people pleasing. If the only intent is the latter, it often results in displeasing yourself.
As I sat down to untangle my after-wash hair yesterday, I was reminded of the first time I had gotten rebonding done in my hair.
It was the summer of 2015, exactly 11 years ago today. I had sent a picture of myself from salon to all my sisters.
My elder nephew, who was about to turn 8 in a few months, sent me a voice note from my sister’s phone that I remember to date, “Hey Masi, looking good, looking really really good.”
I was so amused by the joy and emotion he had, especially at “really really”.
Now that he is going to turn 19 in a few months, I don’t know where did we lose his emotion.
Where did we lose the emotion, the empathy, the ability to praise something for what it is, the ability to call something out for what it is.
I know he is a teenager now, going through his own physical and life changes together, but somewhere I also believe we as a species are also responsible for creating men who don’t feel anymore.
He is still a nice guy, I’d never contest that. But he has become like most men I know — dispassionate, who might never bat an eyelid before jumping off a cliff but remain seated in their closet of concealed emotions forever.
If you are a man reading this, may you please figure out a way to express yourself. It does not make you less of a man. It only makes more men and women respect you for tuning into yourself.
In a world of AI, we need more humans. Oh wait, we have needed humans always.
The direct effect of your work is that it serves your customers and pays you money.
The indirect effect of your work is that it builds the brand and hence makes the investors happy.
Yet, what is the overall effect of your work?
One of my core business principles is to look at the after-effects of the work I am doing.
The work I do should make the world a better place.
This means:
– For the books I am ghostwriting, I ask myself, would I happily gift these books to my nephews and nieces?
– For anything I write, it has to come from a place of reflection and not replication of AI content.
– For the conversations I have, do they make the other person feel better? I hopefully hope so…
So many of us are too focused on the “let’s do it now” and too little on doing it with the right intent and execution.
It is easy to think about profits and valuation. I am a CA and a Sindhi, and I love money.
Yet profits and valuation stay sustained when you have built the foundation of your values right. It’s almost always incredible how the past values define the future of your work, your business.
Don’t look for ideas or a great writing session while being connected to the internet. Disconnected is your default, connection is only a tool to post/schedule ideas.
Empty pockets lead to great ideas, which lead to great writing. Your empire is literally being built while putting your clothes in your closet.
No one feels like writing every day. Even Olympic athletes hate working out. Yet the only way is doing.
Write from your heart. If you are writing something “because it would look good while it does not click with your heart”, it is never going to result in great art.
The only shortcut is not aiming for shortcuts. But it takes several failed shortcuts to truly internalise this.
True richness to me is having the ability to wake up to this, even at your home.
When I was a kid, my uncle, aunt and cousins used to live in a government quarter, which was legit surrounded by an infinite jungle.
But as grown ups you realise these are the real wealths of life.
Of course money is important, as I always say, but that money should be put to use for making your mornings peaceful. I am blessed to be living in such a place at home as well as my parents’ home, maybe because at some level you find what you are looking for.
I truly wish more people make time to live around at least a few plants and trees, sunrise, and a terrace to walk around. To me, hanging around at these places have helped me make more material riches.
I often want to run away from travel preparations. Even if it sometimes means minimal preparations for leaving for my hometown.
I was about to diagnose myself with anxiety yesterday, as I came back from hometown a day before and now in just 30 hours was going for a very short meditation retreat.
But then words of Marcus Aurelius came into my mind, where he says:
“Today I escaped anxiety. Or no, I discarded it, because it was within me, in my own perceptions — not outside.”
Never go into an important (or trivial) meeting with an empty stomach. A fed stomach (and not a fed up stomach) leads to a functioning, rational brain.
When you see yourself going on the side of anger (no matter how much needed), shut up. You can communicate the things later when you are quieter but getting antsy under aggression is something that will inevitably make to your “regrets” section in your autobiography.
For those who don’t speak, give them a chance to.
For every opinion, look at what is being said instead of who is saying it.
Keep it short and to the point. A meeting is for getting things done, not a journal to rant.
After the Diwali of last year, I travelled to Dubai with my cousins.
It was a short five-day trip, with each day packed to the brim.
In the image: Day 0, landing in the evening. On my right is my bhabhi. I give up on rishtedaars but never on getting my steps done 🙂
We started Day 1 on high note, covering several major attractions, stopping and enjoying 6-7 places, clicking pictures, and ending the day with a visit to the Burj Khalifa.
In the image: Asking my brother to click at least one good picture, on Day 1. I will spend my entire life wondering what purpose does the Museum of the Future serve. But for now, here is a picture in that wonder of Dubai, which my brother thinks is a good picture, to which I strongly disagree.
We returned to the hotel quite late, I put up a child-like drama that I did not get any picture, especially in the Dubai mall with Burj Khalifa in the background, and slept even late.
The next morning, as I was performing suptapadangushtasana, I fainted.
And I don’t remember anything that happened after that.
When I woke up, I was lying in bed, surrounded by all of them. For the record, it was my elder bro, bhabhi (his wife), their 5yo daughter and my younger bro. There was absolute memory loss of that one hour or two or whatever had transpired between my fainting and regaining senses.
These three were rightly convinced that I was unfit for travelling that day.
So they dropped me at another cousin’s home, who had coincidentally landed in Dubai the night before, with his wife and their 11yo daughter.
We all come upstairs in their home. They showed me the guest room. And I slept like a baby. This was little after the noon.
When I woke up, it was already dark. It was around 7 pm. I had an array of messages from my cousin whose home I was staying at, that the fruits are kept in fridge (my bro knows his sister well :D), and that they were at Dubai mall, and would be back in a while.
So I took a banana and a thepla with curd that my bhabhi had kept for me, and sat in the balcony of their Burj-Khalifa facing apartment. Alone.
It turns out, I have always looked for some bit of solitude in my days. It is my fuel. It is my best friend, my way of life, my oxygen.
And here I was, that the solitude walked up to me in ways I had never expected.
Sitting in that balcony I was nothing beyond joyful and peaceful. Filled with gratitude that even when I was unwell in a foreign land, I had family to drop me to another family, who made sure I was surrounded by food I love. I even enjoyed the musical fountain show of Burj Khalifa, where they played Baby Shark :))
In the image: Dinner with a view, baby!!!
It turns out, you always find what you are looking for, sometimes even unconsciously and unexpectedly.
I am someone who loves solitude more than anything else.
I knew for sure I was not going to find my pockets of solitude in this trip, mostly because we were going to Dubai, not an ashram. I was okay with it. But somewhere, somehow, even in the most surreal ways, solitude found me.
The way my body found it by falling ill is obviously a reaction to too much work or travel, and too little rest. And the idea is never to promote getting to this level of exhaustion.
But no matter what you do and whatever happens to you and whatever falls apart, what you are innately looking for, even when you have not asked for, is looking for you too. Make what you can, of this info.
In the images: Chilling around with the fam when they came back from their shopping. I also got my pictures with Burj Khalifa background. Like I said, you always find what you are looking for 😀 Their 11yo was having fun in Aquaventure World and later on a cruise with my other cousins, on my ticket 🙂 We are Sindhis, we never let our money waste, even if the person in whose name the ticket is bought has fainted :))
People do not wake up in the morning and say, “Today I am going to ruin <Insert your name> ‘s day.
Trust me, no one is conspiring against you, even if you feel so.
Which is why it is important to get out into the world with a mindset of positivity that can handle any pain that these pointless people actually throw at you.
But if you are already angry, anxious and atrocious, you have lost the battle even before it began.
Going for a walk instead of sitting on your couch.
Drinking a lot of water.
Moving on from a friend who did not say a goodbye before moving on.
Walking in a park for your mental health.
Waking up in the morning and exercising before the day takes over.
Loving your parents but not becoming like them.
Putting aside money for your future, however bleak at the moment.
Bringing joy to the table, whichever table you walk to.
It is good to do things for which you might not often fetch a medal for, because the right thing is the right thing even when no one is watching and even if no one cares.
