It was scary

That anger after a question, it was scary.
I asked a question because I was curious and you promoted curiosity, but your cold response was scary.
And when I probed further, the way I was discarded, was scary.

Not because of the question, but because to me our trust of such long relationship was shattered.
I thought I could be vulnerable and share that I needed a help on a question, but your scolding and such big scolding simply showed that you are not at all willing to listen.

Yes you care, but care sometimes means understanding where that question comes from.

The scolding doesn’t hurt, it makes you doubt the relationship that was formed for so long.
And that’s truly scary. Because now you begin to question a lot more good of the past – and if it was good in the first place!

Our role when others are in pain

I think about this a lot often.

Why do we get upset when we see someone else in pain?
Why do our eyes get moist looking at the tears of another brother?
Why do we feel helpless on not being able to help someone change their life?

Because somehow intuitively we all believe that being helpful in someone else’s pain means feeling that pain along with them.

Respectfully, I disagree.

Think of this from the PoV of our loved ones.

Think of someone you love dearly – whom you don’t care to prove anything to, who respects you for who they are, and most importantly – you don’t “have to” show up in the relationship, you love to show up for them.

And now, think of a time you missed them a lot.
It turns out, in the exact same moment, they were missing you as well!

Happened with all of us, right?

If that happens with good emotions, why won’t that happen with less-powerful emotions?

That is the power your emotions have, to influence others!
And sadly we give up that power in feeling low with them, thinking it would make them feel better!

Nope.
If you really care for someone, you being in a stable state of mind will make them feel better.

If you really want to be there for someone, bless them well for what lies ahead of them, instead of stress them well, because they’re already stressed šŸ™‚

If you really want to help someone fallen into a pit, the way is to lend a hand from outside the pit, not to fall along with them stating you were “being helpful.”

The best help comes with a stable state of mind, of radiating power instead of powerlessness.

That’s unpopular, but hand on heart, we also needed this kind of help when we were in pain, didn’t we? šŸ™‚

Talk to a therapist

Someone I trust really well, said I need to talk to my therapist on working on XX issue, that comes up again and again.

I calmed myself down, and asked them if they could help pointing out when did it last happen.

They said a year ago.

If we respect each other as people, are we not supposed to bring out what brings us down – even if it is once a year?
If we respect someone really, do we tell them to visit their therapist in the heat of the moment?
If we really respect someone, do we not have a responsibility to be loveful towards them when they screw up?

If at all you have to ask someone to get a professional help, it would help to say it when they are happy and have ears to hear it.

You’re the best!!

A client of mine told me that I am the best writer in India, and he is unable to find a good content writer, no matter how much he tries. He said that while we were on my exit conversation.

The very same person, in our 1:1 exactly three days before, said that he wanted more growth of what we had achieved, despite the fact that we had already achieved 2X and 3X growth of what we had expected. Not only that, he told a consultant recently that with his help coming in, our slow and steady growth would now pick up.

That is when I decided to make a move.
Not because he questioned me.
Rather because he wants growth so much that he has forgotten that the other person is doing their best, and also they are fervently seeking feedback. If there is something you don’t like, you have a moral responsibility to share your feedback.

You cannot be just jamming in on more growth than expected and then strive for more (with ZERO feedback) – without understanding the fact that all growth happens in small steps.

Anyway, I also need time to think further, and take the next steps in my career – so that break was anyway needed.

Here’s to better endings, and choosing better responses šŸ™‚

Bada Aadmi

Few months back, I had made a conscious call to not take up new projects, and try and be contented doing small things.

However, I started losing my drive.

So I went back to doing bigger things. Not to get attached to them, rather that sense of progress and growth would make me feel engaged.

Truth be told, people may need you because you are doing good work.
But hand on heart, no one respects people in jobs as much as they respect people having their own things.

I hate to say that, but ijjat to bade aadmi ko hi milti hai…I may have a different opinion later par zindagi mein bada aadmi banna chahiye agar dusron ki izzat chahiye to

Agar khud ki izzat chahiye, to being yourself is as good – whatever you like.

Layers of self doubt

  1. You are confident of yourself.
  2. Others are not confident of yourself.
  3. You start doubting yourself.
  4. Others magnify that.
  5. You step back, and after a lot of hard work, get self confidence back.

And then you realise, the best way to deal with self doubt is to create your confidence in isolation without worrying about what others think of you.

And that’s awesome šŸ™‚

When will I have my own?

When will I have my own business?

When will I get to a place of not worrying about money?

Will someone ever believe in me?

Some questions do not have immediate answers.

But whenever I am confused about long-term choices in life, here is something that always helps me:

  1. Sitting and meditating
  2. Going for a nature walk
  3. Reading powerful stuff
  4. Journalling
  5. Becoming absolutely quiet

This is not a step-by-step process, rather a buffet – you can pick whatever you like, as per your taste and preference. And that’s beautiful šŸ™‚

It’s over

That weird thing happened years ago.

Someone played with your heart 12 years ago.

Someone threw you out of their life 11 years ago.

Someone told you that you were not needed, 10 years ago.

Learn the lessons, forget the memory.
Allow yourself to heal, but do not allow that person again.
Be at peace and ease with past, but do not allow it to add to the present its cast.