Nishtha Gehija

I am super protective of my weekends. Especially Sunday. So much so that “Protect your Sundays at all costs” is the second most read essay on my website as on date. (PS: I wrote “as on date”, so, dear universe, feel free to give more views to other essays and keep doing that over and over again :))

However, today is navratri celebration at our spiritual class. So this morning I (and several other 10-12 friends) stayed back till 1 pm instead of the usual ending time of 9 am, to prepare for the evening Nav Durga chaitanya jhaanki.

And in the evening, during jhaanki, we had so much fun from around 5 pm till almost 10.30 pm. (Yes I know, too late to sleep, but two days a year is fine, isn’t it?)

I am someone who is an introvert, and through a quiet Sunday. I get recharged for the whole week. It is only irrelevant when it comes at the cost of not celebrating festivals. Now that I want to do.

But being with the right team, with the right intent, with only love for each other makes everything magical. You also tend to have respect for the tiny pockets of time that is wasted here and there, because the camaraderie and joy makes everything worth it.

So, Happy Navratrti, folks?

My house help quit her job on 09th October of this month, and since then, I have been taking a breather.

What that means is I am not freaking about not having a house help. And have called Insta help/Pronto at least 6 out of the last 8 days.

While it is good to have convenience, at some point very soon, I would get someone to be a house help didi to me, like the ones that come daily to our houses. Of course, it is so easy to tap a button and get someone to clean your utensils/home at much cheaper rates overall.

One, it makes you reach out to your phone for at least 15 minutes extra each day (booking, tracking, not getting the same one who underperformed last time, figuring out work to make sure they have things to do for the entire 45 minutes, and so on). Two, I often wonder, so many hands touch my utensils, the same utensils in which I cook bhog for God. Yes the overall cleanliness of your own house help didi is also something you cannot forever testify, but there is at least the same energy and the same set of hands. Three, there is familiarity of knowing what to do and how with the consistent one.

Also, think of things like quick commerce. I do use it for a lot of my groceries, but the best fruits, vegetables are only available at my nearby thele waala.

Or think of this boon called internet. It has built so many careers and lives. But no one talks about the careers and lives it has destroyed by making people addicted to it.

So, yes, convenience is great. I would love it sometimes. But to really be peaceful, the good old systems need to be in place. And hence, I shall find the right house help soon 🙂

To talk to someone with love and genuine care (where you do not need something from them in return) is such a brave thing to do.

But when you do it to others, they move mountains to do what you asked for.

On the other hand, if you have the most genuine intentions but your words are filled with fire, sarcasm and distrust, even those who want to do something for you will question themselves twice.

Skepticism is a virtue, when one is around perpetually shady people.

But when you are surrounded by people who are genuinely caring, the first thing skepticism robs you of is your goodness.

Today was one of those unproductive days. And I had a headache too.

So I sat in the evening and wrote. Several pages.

And bam, the medicine of following your passion and building something took away the trivial headache.

Building often takes care of thrashing.

…and not forcing them means:

1. Knowing what you want.
2. Becoming aware what would life look like when you have it. (For example, if I want my business to make profits of ₹10 Cr, what would my life look like when that happens? Please know that.)
3. Not forcing too much on the method or the medium (Please refrain from things like: This product NEEDS to sell XX units in order for me to make this profit.) Detach from the method, while continue to focus on the final outcome. This way, you start asking better questions, such as: What would this look like if this were easy? How can I best serve my customers? What is the positive change I expect in my customers to have because of my goals? Think about that often. This makes you look around.
4. That’s pretty much it. Please continue practising it, being fully aware of how would it feel like to have what you have? Know you have it all. This is what Neville Goddard teaches.

The only problem is entitlement. When we think “I deserve this”, we resort to things like coercion, anger and pressure on others.

Relax and let it be easy, and see how the universe turns things in your favour. Almost magically. Each time.

Dear Extroverts,

You like being loud and talkative, great.
You like being the life and lifeline of a party, epic.
You like being the person who does all the talking and expect everyone to do all the giggling, great again.

However, what is not-so-good is when you expect introverts to change your nature. All of the time.

If we can accept you for being a party person, it is important for you to accept us as a private person.

I do not ask you how you recharge if there is virtually zero alone time in your calendar. So I also expect the decency of your boundaries that do not spread out to asking my routine, when I choose to not show up at a gathering.

And most importantly, if at all you think we introverts should sometimes change our nature and join your chit chat challenge, please have the audacity to listen if we say something? I am not even asking you to accept it, but having the courage to listen is the bare minimum.

One in every two to three people is an introvert. I am one of them.

But let me make the biggest confession: When I am accepted in a group for who I am, I do not mind behaving like an extrovert.

PS: I’m a great bollywood dancer too. I know all the hook steps of major bollywood dance songs.

It’s your loss each time, if you are the one who is always doing all the talking baby.

It’s 9.09 at night.

I have been procrastinating on getting my car’s air pressure checked for a week. No more. I must drive to the petrol pump.

En route to the petrol pump, I figured we are not too far away from getting the petrol refilled. So I do that as well.

As the car stands, I have to wait for half-a-minute till the petrol waale bhaiya comes over and opens my petrol lid, as I sit calmly with my elbow and head dangling out of the car window (the callousness that you don’t get to do while driving).

“Premium waala, XX rupaye ka”, I tell him. They say the expensive petrol (which is ~₹8 per litre more than the normal) does not have ethanol added to it.

As the petrol is transferring containers, I think of where I came from. I was worried almost the whole day for something; and when I communicated that to a friend, things got sorted. How no one on my family ever believed in me, no matter how much they loved me. How they did not give me anything responsible to do, unless I got out and made my life and did more responsible things than them.

Such trivial things – the act of refilling and conversation with a friend, and how you realise life is indeed nothing more than tiny seemingly insignificant things.

Just keep walking, and keep doing the little things. We need nor change anything about our loved ones, we simply change how we show up to love ourselves.

Signed up for a 4-hour session this morning. 9am-1.15 pm.

Took notes for 36 pages.

Took proper breaks as well as drank water, went to pee.

And learnt so, so much.

Nothing heals like education does. No matter what your age.

By 30, you have had enough 6-7 years of work experience on an average.

If by this time you do not do what you love, two things happen: You become a walking human who makes money, but is dead inside. Or, you develop the courage to do what your heart wants to do.

Every thing is difficult, but oh, the pain of betraying yourself while pretending to smile…

It is like a resident. Just like sometimes you adopt a stray by not housing them, but the fact that they come to your door every day for treat.

It comes, it visits, it goes. The pet. The pain. The invited. The uninvited. Everything goes. You don’t need to go with it.

Consistently going forward.

For most days, it means doing something productive each day.

And for those who are consistently productive, to take some active rests.

All shopping, phone, insta stories, proving to others you are rich — fade in the face of progress.

Every human being must build systems around resting. Ideally, take an off on the weekends and take a nap in the afternoons.

Wokes might want to say “she is not working as hard, we are working 24*7*365, never resting, and so on.”

Babe, you are not taking an off, that is why your mind did not get space to be relaxed, and hence, it is working 365 days of the year, and still not feeling productive.

With me, each time I am honest and try to put boundaries around my resting time, it is met with disdain and dismissiveness towards them, the person.
Bro, I need rest for myself. It is nothing against you.

Every. Single. Person. hates someone who prioritises well-being over socialising.

So you only find two kinds of people: Who are burnt out. And who say they are burnt out (so they are not accused for resting).

The world will hate you if you do not receive calls, do not socialise, or are actively trying to unplug for your mental peace. But the samosa and chaat eating world has also hated on khichdi eating world, just like humans watching TV all night have hated protein bros for hitting the gym consistently.

Care too much about the hate, and you care too little for yourself.

I came across a note on my desk that I had written months ago, which lists these decisions.

I have a different point of view on these decisions, but for now, let’s begin with those decisions:

1. Writing my first book. More than anything else, it told me what I wanted to become.
2. Not doing an MBA. After completing my CA, I now had a strong enough degree to get me to anywhere I wanted. While at the same time I knew in the real world you get through life by having real skills and not an array of degrees. And I am glad I do not go by FOMO ever.
3. Not even thinking of my ego, and picking up a writing internship at age 28, along with my existing job. I resigned immediately, had some other freelance work as well, and that internship became a springboard of confidence that you can do whatever you want.

Now, as I read that note today, I want to add that life is a combination of good decisions as well as not-so-good decisions. The latter teaches you want not to do. And success is often a game of elimination more than addition.

So, as you reflect on the best decisions of your career (please do that today), please also reflect on the worst ones. Do not let a bad decision just go by. Squeeze the lesson out of it.

It is all the more important to be relaxed. Especially in our conversations with people.

A chaotic mind is no cause to take away someone else’s calm.

1. Speak up for yourself
2. Speak up against bullies
3. Prioritise yourself
4. Protect yourself
5. Protect your time
6. Protect yourself from predators of your goodness
7. Protect your money

You can be a giver out into the world only when you have given to yourself. “Nothing flows out of an empty cup.”

We believe having things, having people, having validation, having money will solve for that.

But how can anything external fill an inner void?

When you tell a woman she missed an attachment in an email, she responds:

“Sorry. Here it is.”

When you tell a man he missed an attachment in an email, after blaming your inbox and not his email skills, arguing about that for some time, and then being “shown” that there is no attachment, he responds:

“Did you go through the doc I sent you?” And before you could remind him again that he missed the attachment, he, without waiting for your response, says, “No problem, do that today.”

Empathy is a choice that flows through ears and gets executed by extinguishing ego.

I only read two, but oh wow, I will cherish them for the rest of my life: The Palace of Illusions and The Forest of Enchantments, both by Chitra Banerji Divakaruni.

I am even yearning to write an essay each on the the learnings I got from the books, especially from the Palace. May my execution beat procrastination.

Apart from that, spiritual studies. And a bit of “Let Them Theory” by Mel Robbins here and there.

This is the season I find myself driven towards memoirs, so looking forward to reading Shefali Shah’s “The Audacity of Being” now, and going deeper into self-help. (Call self-help cringe, but that is what helps us all.)

Ciao. Happy reading 🙂

1. When you want to express change in your actions, change your actions. Expressing first only leaves you weaker.
2. Dhairya rakho. Let God. You do not need all the answers today.
3. “You teach people how to treat you,” said Oprah. And each time you condone a bad behaviour, you condone the standards of goodness you have set for yourself.

Masters of showing up for work with grace.

Masters of taking breaks.

Masters of our own minds.

Masters of protecting our minds from waste.

Masters of being aware what we need mastery on, what not to surrender ourselves to just on a whim.