Nishtha Gehija

I told my 22-year-old web designer today that I was disappointed with him.

This is a diligent person, and maybe subconsciously I took advantage of his goodness.

Not proud.

He is doing good work, the only thing that slipped off was work update for 2 days, but still I know in my core he is working on it. I may have asked for an update or made a call, but certainly should not have used that word.

Putting this out here, because I want every word coming out of my mouth to be great. And today I went below my own standards. This blog is a self-reminder to not do that again.

I have come to my hometown for a week or so for the occasion of Diwali, and, it is heartbreaking to see my Mom like this.

Like what, you may want to ask.

Age is getting the better of her, and over time, she is able to do less work. Which is fine. What is not fine is she still chooses to do so much work, not get a house help to help with tiny things, and most importantly, does most of her work before breakfast.

Which means she is not nourished, and taking on the household chores still like a teenager’s energy. Having late breakfast is disastrous for everyone, but at that age, you must not get so late at any cost.

She has gone through all sorts of worst things that happened after marriage in the late 70s, and I understand I can never understand what she went through. But what is forcing her to stay in that habit, other than her habits? There is no mother-in-law for the last 40 years to poke at her.

And that, has caused me to miss my Mom. What I mean is, when she was fit and fine, she would daily walk into my room and ask me to get things in order. Or she would occasionally crack a joke or two with me here and there. Or she would tell me to put my clothes in the washer. Or she would at least try to make the home a happy place. Now, unfortunately, she is cranky all of the time, angry all of the time, and it only breaks my heart.

Yesterday was the “बड़ पूजा” in Sindhis, which happens on the Day 2 of Diwali. She was tired, so we decided that she would not give the usual entire lunch to a far off relative, like she does every year. Except, when I woke up, I realised she had given them the food.

The point is not about not giving, but I myself get tired when I cook for my parents too and not just one person (me), so she is so much older!

The bigger point is also I like aloo too, with the green saag and rice she had made. But because she wanted to make sure “others do not think bad of her that she did not give food”, I did not get to eat aloo made by my Mom.

Life is so much about trade-offs, yet each time a parent chooses “what would others say” over “let me draw some boundaries so that I could be present for my kids”, the kids die tiny deaths, one at a time.

There are full-time creators, actors, business people who write books as an extension of their personality, as an addition of their services.

Then there are writers who become creators only in order to promote their books.

Neither is wrong, but it is important to know which one are you. And what you will not do.

Today is the day I have been (im)patiently waiting for, for exactly 12 years. 

(a little less than vanvaas, I guess :))

It gives me so, so much joy to announce that:

I have written the book I have always wanted to write!!! Yayyy!!!

It is a memoir. On the 15th November, you and I will reveal the title together. And here is a little sneak peek into the subtitle:

“How a Small-Town Chartered Accountant

Left Home, Changed Her Career, and Never Got Married.”

If you are someone whom no one understands except you, this book is for you.

If you are someone who hates their job, this book is for you.

If you are someone who struggles with saying no, this book is for you.
If you are someone who has lost their family/friends (while they are still alive), this book is for you.

Most importantly, if you want to be seen just as you are, this book is for you.

You and I, we will have the book launch party together on Sunday, 15th November, in a LIVE. Please respond to this email with “BOOK” so you do not miss that.
Pre-orders open that day too, along with special merch (custom made in my hometown) just for you.

Oh, by the way, every single word in the book has been written by me. Zero AI. Nada. Zilch.
In a world of infinite AI slop, this is the book I believe most people are looking for.

Happy Diwali LinkedIn! Stay lit, and I’ll soon share the details of the book launch party 🙂

To everyone around you who loves you + is perpetually miserable in their lives.

You have certainly tried being nice to those, but if one who becomes the centre of attention by their misery does not get that unconscious attention, they are rarely happy for you.

How have I learnt to manage it:

• I do not share my wins with anyone. Tried making exceptions, never works.
• Always have pure vibes and vibes full of blessings for those. We do not know the knocks they had to go through to be this hard. Even if we were not this hard, we may still choose kindness.

That, my friend, is truest kindness.

I was at Uniqlo the other day, when I picked up 4 items of clothing to buy. The average cost per item is ~2.5-3k, so I roughly estimated my bill to be ₹10K.

Except, when was at the self-checkout, the bill was showing ₹20K!

I even asked the staff near the checkout, when they told me that the pink sweater I had picked up was ₹10K.

So I let go of that pink sweater and picked up the other things.

And it was not because “I could not afford it.” Just that I did not think I wanted to spend ₹10K on that sweater.

That is it. That is it.

Life is rarely about spending your money despite having it. Your spends must also be in alignment with what you want them to be.

I see this with billionaires all the time. They can afford luxuries that most people dream of, but when it comes to overspending, they are always meticulous instead of simply throwing money around.

Impulsiveness without or despite money isn’t a stuff of legends.

Side note: Things like this also keep you in charge of your senses.

One way is to pick up more work. Bite off more than you can chew.

Pro:

You will certainly make more money.

Cons:

1. You will have less free time, which is much needed for a freelancer to think creatively as well as strategically.
2. For every single one of your existing clients, you would be less present, more delayed in delivering your work, and always on the go, never really there.

So what is the solution?

1. When you are in real constraint of time, tell your new clients, “I’d love to work in this, but due to existing commitments, could we please begin by XXX (a later date)?” No clients have said no with this ask of mine.
2. If you want to make more money, think of how you can strategically increase prices for your services. It does not have to be “I wish so”, but a reason how and why you can do it, so that your client is also happy to pay. Also, please know that as you start charging more, some clients might walk away. And that is fine. It only maintains your current income level, while still giving you more free time to consider if you want to onboard new clients in that created vaccum, or simply continue.
3. Lastly, always think about building assets, such as a corpus, an intellectual property. or any other asset that floats your boat. Do not simply dismiss this idea. The entire purpose of this grind should be that it makes you stop grinding.

Get rich bro. Financially, as well as spiritually.

It usually stays when your life and your career is dependent on gaining praise from others.

The time when embarrassment really goes away is when you start marching to your own beat. Humbly.

1. It should help your customer, not your ego.
2. You must come alive through it.
3. Start small, gather feedback.
4. Have the courage to listen to your intuition.
5. Enthusiasm.
6. A good product in public takes practice in private.
7. The ability to detach and continue with your daily practices of meditation, workout and walks.

You are never grateful for scrolling.

You never regret reading.

Please run away from them like the plague.

They will emotionally blackmail you by calling you angry, being high maintenance, or simply being too much.

All false, all a manipulator’s tricks to keep a nice human trapped.

Please run. Please, please run.

When someone hurts and shatters you from inside, it breaks you in the moment.

Some people turn sour forever, while some bounce back.

What I have learnt is that the people that turn sour are the people who do not learn the lesson. And they do not wish to change their behaviour towards the same trigger.

For example, if my usual behaviour is keeping to my own self, and someone pokes me often at a public gathering, the next few times I am going to either stay away from them or not go at that gathering. But to show up close to them at the gathering and becoming bitter like them is the stuff of losers. Mostly, being a loser of your own goodness. What a pathetic loss.

Please do not lose the love inside of you. For those who drain you of it, please rather stay away from them…

I usually wrap up work by 6pm. When on rare days I open my laptop to do something important, it always ends up affecting my eyes, and sleep time,

The bigger issue is one stops recognising it, if it becomes consistent even for 4-5 days.

Until one day one comes back to the old good habit of wrapping up screen time early, and noticing the difference.

It is always the small things.

The best part is also, it is always the small things that you can change too.

…is generally how you look at the world.

The best part is, the world usually adapts to who you are (kind/thankful/grumpy/shady/peaceful/loveful/complaining/shining).

When you are too obsessed on The Project of your life, you feel so much pull towards it that the idea of starting and building it is the only thing that is surrounding you.

It takes a lot to get there.

Too many projects that did not work out.

Too many tears.

Too many unexpected twists and turns.

But the gift of all this misery is that the project comes to you. You simply have to be there to receive it well.

1. Working without distractions first 3 hours of the morning.
2. Putting your notifications perpetually off.
3. Ordering things that your parents like.
4. Workout out/outdoor walks/both.
5. Writing a book.

Is sometimes a good thing.

Especially if it (one or more of the following):

• is temporary
• is done to enhance your core personality
• makes people around you happier
• helps you achieve the result you want
• and often ends up becoming the extension of your work that you love.

All of these, without making you lose your core personality.

It must shatter your existing notions. It should make you rethink your existing systems. It must make you question a lot of things, at the same time it should not make you question yourself.

Most importantly, growth needs to be a personal choice.

Few weeks back I picked up a fun book called “Go ask Austen” from Bahrisons. The book is a culmination of several famous one-liners from Jane Austen books, followed with a one-line explanation of those sentences.

Except, in most cases, those one-line explanations are doing nothing to supplement the main quote. What those one-liners are doing, instead, is assuming every reader has read the above text, and is then giving super contextual answers.

Why it is not a great choice? Because the numero uno rule of every content piece is assuming this is the only content piece your audience is consuming. Be it a video or a book. Even if it is a book on lessons from other books. And then make it whole in itself.

This shows you care for the customer and their experience, and nothing in the world is more important than that.

Thus, to have the right perspective is all you need.

Think of your customer first. All of the time.

Plan it.

PS: This is not just about having a great week.