Nishtha Gehija

Oprah said this recently on Mel Robbins podcast, and it is such a profound thing to do.

We all often love to stick to our word because what would people say, that she is such a fickle minded person. But when you have better information, better data, better intuition, you always have the right to change your mind, as Oprah says.

And it is not just woo-woo. In August 2025, Taylor Swift appeared on New Heights podcast and said her 12th album would have only 12 tracks. She mentioned it explicitly that there is going to be no 13th, 14th track and so on.

Lo and behold, tonight, more than a year later, 4 more tracks from the same album are announced.

If the biggest pop star in the world, whose every move, every statement, every exclamation is analysed, can change her mind, so do you and I have the right to change your mind.

1. Build a device-free life that you enjoy.
2. Go outdoors daily.
3. Do not skip 1 and 2 for your sanity.

Dear people above 70,

I get it, it is difficult for you to carry yourself now, vis-a-vis when you were younger.

But you would be delighted to know that people would love to help you if you ask.

The other day a 78 year old complained to me out of the blue that he sat in a satsang for 4 hours the day before, was miserable when he got up, and then he had too much pride to get a conveyance, so he walked to his home.

Well, it is disastrous to sit continuously for 4 hours straight, even if you are a 25-year old. You need to plan getting up yourself, no one is going to do that for you. Also, just in case you are not able to get a conveyance, often people at a satsang are helpful to drive 2 km and drop you.

The reason the old people feel so miserable is because they are lonely. And in their subconscious they want to be seen. So how do old people feel seen? When they are struggling. Just like young people.

It is not something they do on purpose, but your subconscious has a way of handing you exactly what you are looking for.

But I really wonder if all the validation is worth it if it compromises your health, whether you are 8, 18 or 80.

…

PS: The above applies to every single young person as well. You need to be looking for solutions instead of surrendering to situations. You are always in control.

My response is neither.

Competence is no camouflage for cruelty, and if you are incompetent, become competent. 

We have excuses for almost nothing, especially if the direction is towards better. 

When you have a purpose of life, it grounds you. 

It makes you focus on the things are essential and that you must do, in order to keep yourself sane and smiling. 

And that purpose need not be just work. Maybe getting fit, becoming more peaceful, learning to let go, preparing for the marathon, getting your finances in shape; could also be some of the purposes. 

What is dangerous is what happens after you have got a reasonable level of success in your purpose (or if the purpose never existed). Now you do not have anything to look forward to, you are making steady money, and there is no challenge forcing you to get out of your comfort zone. 

So you wait for hours outside an Apple Store, on the day of the new iPhone launch. 

I often pity those who do this, because real success, my friend, is knowing what to do with your time, even when you have all the money in the world. Or when you have no work to do some days, how you find real leisure beyond a device that asks you to stand in queues for hours. 

Nothing in your world is going to change if you buy your iPhone 10 hours or 10 days later.

But only those who have the self-respect towards their time and their life have the courage to let go of the ego of “Hey, I got the iPhone on Day 1” can see that reality.

Sometimes you come across genuinely nice people, who are working hard to do what they do, they are impeccable in their output, and are by nature often kind.

But in that kindness sometimes comes a layer of self-pity.

“I did this so bad,” becomes their running dialogue.

It might come across as harsh, but this is a subtle sign of them looking for validation. And the people who look for validation are the ones who do not have confidence in the thing that they put out.

Now I get it self-doubt is a common enemy that attacks human beings on and off again, like fever. The only problem is when self-doubt changes from a rare fever to a handicap you have to live with for life.

You have more things to do. You cannot afford to diminish yourself for the duration of your life.

I had two back-to-back calls today, both of them were with a team member of someone who intends to work with me.

However, one call went a discussion of me dealing with someone who could not communicate what they wanted, changed their ask every 5 minutes, and the call lasted longer than the set 30 minutes. Also, their presence had too much of boiling blood.

The other call was exactly the opposite. It ended in 10 minutes. They were clear with the ask. And they treated me like a human being, not someone who is supposed to be exploited. Also, their presence brought kindness to the table.

Life, my friend, is about looking beyond the immediate benefits to your ego. And the more you give, the more circumstances you’d create to be picked.

My Mom is on a one-day round-trip to Jaipur, for her routine visit after her back and hip surgery a few months back.

And this morning when she was in train, I asked her if everything was in place, and then also asked about how Papa was managing food. Despite knowing that my two elder sisters and one cousin bhabhi take turns to manage food for him.

This female instinct of taking care of everyone is so deeply rooted that I want to know what my father is eating sitting 500 kms away from me.

One way to look at it is he is my father, I must take care of it. The other way to look at it is take a chill pill, my Mom is out for less than a day, and most importantly, there are people to take care of him and things I cannot do from such a distance.

Sometimes, as a girl, I wish I could stop getting deep into things I cannot control…

• Not ask for a part in inheritance. They made me self-capable, and that is the best thing
• To request them over and over again to eat and sleep on time.
• To be nice to them while having my own opinions. Neither has to be suppressed.

We often say parents affect how the child thinks, but one thing I am glad my parents have learnt from me is my father values my opinions and actively seeks them; and my mom has learnt to ask for what she wants.

I’d love to listen from others too, how have you affeced your parents?

My father completed his graduation right after turning 30. He even completed his schooling by working small gigs and affording himself the books to study. So it was beyond a question for him to ask for anything from his parents.

As I was growing up, my parents took all the care of my education. I was never said no to anything I needed with respect to education (which was mostly course books, reference books, notebooks and pens). Even when I used to study in a different city for graduation, in my mind I was clear: Your parents might be paying for your needs, but everything you want (a car, branded clothes, a life of more luxury, etc.) you have to earn it yourself.

Now that my eldest nephew and niece are 19, I have seen two different things: I do not see or feel passion to become someone and to get an internship. I get it that in this era you do not necessarily become a valedictorian, but you still gotta have that fire to become something. Or a curiosity to figure that out. At the same time, they see their parents going through a lot to afford their education, and yet they demand birthday celebration with friends in hotels, a new coffee machine, a gym membership, a vacation with friends, etc. from their parents.

Let me tell you none of the above is wrong. I would love for them to have all of the above and more.

But where do we draw the line between taking money from your parents for existence versus filling your existential crisis, especially if you are not someone like Suhana Khan or Ananya Pandey?

…is always multiple times the cost of a better, slightly expensive shoe.

I recently got myself a new walking shoe. It is not the usual Adidas/Puma/Asics/Skechers/Nike, and yet is a brand that is promoted by a Bollywood hero.

I got a walking shoe from that brand. And man, I developed ankle pain, hip pain and eventually even waist pain by walking in those pair of shoes. By the grace of God, I have never developed these…

So I finally decided to get an Adidas walking shoe. Staying with the previous one was costing me so much more than the price of the Adidas shoe.

When the shoe did arrive, whoa, what a perfect lightweight shoe that fits well, looks well, and is the most effortless shoe I have worn.

Look, I am all for saving money and not going full throttle around spending. But shoes, and I believe everything you put out into your presentation, has to be impeccable as well as comfortable. Compromise on either, and you end up paying a heftier price.

Last week I visited the local Apple store to get a new charging cable.

While moving out, I casually stopped by at the new Macbooks in display. I currently use Macbook Air 2021 model that I got in March 2023, so simply tried looking at the new Macbook Airs. Mind you, my computer is working more than fine to date.

And as I used the computer in the store, or even tried picking it up, I did not feel any degree of happiness. I even felt sad for not feeling happier!

It is important to talk about it because our first Apple product has always given us indescribable happiness. Just that no other Apple products after that have ever been able to achieve that feat.

That said, should we stop consuming Apple products? I guess the answer is no. Never have I ever lived a pain-free-laptop life than I have lived this Macbook life. And when any of the Apple devices simply stops operating, like my last iPhone 8 which I gave up in early 2024, the next rational choice is to go for a newer version (usually latest minus one) of the Apple product.

Apple products are pro for their utility, design, time saving (from getting laptops repaired or Windows getting updated), great user interface, empathy for the user, the ease of using, and infinite benefits.

The only caveat is to not mistake any of them for happiness.

It is a gift, because you get to lead people. You have a responsibility to show people that people in authority can act responsibly.

It is scary because when you fumble, you have to be responsible enough to be aware of it, and apologise. Becoming more authoritative when you have clearly made a mistake is the exact thing that takes your authority away, even when you figuratively still have it.

Responsibility is what truly makes authority accountable.

Call it what you want, but I do not need your attention, just because you know me remotely or because you believe “I am alone and you could be my in-person guardian angel”. Just because you are free these days, I am not your new project.

I have my father’s attention, the only male attention I need, my cousin brothers are the best, and that is it. That is really it.

I do not want a new friend, a new brother, a new father figure, or anyone new to care for me.

My nervous system is tired of keeping up with the nothingness of how people’s nonchalance drains you of your self-worth and ends up in you questioning yourself so much, that forget romantic relationship, I need no new relationships of any sort.

My hands freeze even at the thought of extending my arms to reach out to my phone to type a message to or receive a call from any man. I know everyone is not the same, but deep down we all know everyone is the same.

I’ll be the nicest, kindest person to you when we meet (if you behave) or when we work together. But beyond that, I owe you nothing.

If it comes across as rude, I have spent decades decoding rudeness as “must be busy, but otherwise they are kind”. I am done with that feeling of murdering my intuition over and over and over again, and mistaking someone else’s lack of interest with genuine care. And perhaps, this is the best thing I have done to my nervous system ever.

I reached home on Rakshabandhan, when I was greeted with a cotton thaila nested on my desk.

As I looked into it, I see it is full of 10-15 books that my sister had resent to me, months after I had given these books to my niece (her daughter) for reading.

When she came home over the weekend, I asked her curiously, “What made you send back these books?”

“No one reads them, so they were simply occupying shelf space,” she said as a matter-of-factly.

I can still imagine myself being stunned at her response.

I have usually made it my nature to not contradict people’s statements, but reading books is so important for my nieces’ future. That is what I told her.

She agreed to take the books, but there was no action in the 10 days that followed.

Now was the time for me to realise the truth with a deep breath…

Anyway, if I cannot force them into reading by shoving the books into their home, I think it is time for me to take a step back.

The last statement also comes from the fact that this month is my eldest nephew and eldest niece’s birthday. I wanted to give each of them a gift, but I guess for the niece it is a cash equivalent to the price of the book I get for the nephew 🙂

Honestly it breaks my heart to do this, but in order to find, one must ought to be a seeker. And other seekers (read: me) need to realise that you cannot coerce everyone into being a seeker.

I returned from my home town today, after spending 8-9 days with the fam.

As I returned, I called up my Mom and told her “Dude, this time I had no fight with either you or Papa. After so long I am returning from home without a conflict of opinion of ours.”

It has made my nervous system so calmed down.

And also made me wonder, that when my parents sometimes say a sentence that triggers me, it is powerful to not get triggered. I must love them more to understand where they are coming from, not change my opinion nonetheless, and yet not get triggered.

It reminds me of the book that I recently completed, The Palace of Illusions. It is Mahabharat written from the point of view of Draupadi. Throughout the book, I could not fall in love with or feel awed by the character of Draupadi. It is hard to, especially if you are the one causing the biggest war of humankind. At the same time, I could not get myself to hating her either. She was just walking her path with her own way of life (most of the times, it was okay).

What did stun me was how Krishna had so much love and respect for the friendship he had with her.

And that is what love does to you. It was the purest form of love of friendship, but still, when you love that much, Krishna would fight the whole world for her.

Love is the biggest form of joy.

PS: For the love of God, please exclude the infatuation or lust kind of “love” from here.

It’s starting to drizzle as I get ready for my evening walk in the park.

Sitting in the balcony, my father carefully points outdoors, and then asks if I really want to go.

I say I need the park, even if I’ll go in the nearby one and come back in 15 minutes.

He relents.

As I get out and get going, it immediately starts raining heavily. He simply watches me from the balcony.

But I ride for 30 metres and make a u-turn home. The rain is unbearable.

I write this now as I am walking in the covered parking lot of our house.

Sometimes, when people experience things themselves, they realise what is worth it and what isn’t. A lesson which usually never comes by preaching.

Thank you, Papa, for being an observer as I learnt my lesson 😉

When you are in the content space, you become a constant recipient of (mostly) meaningless online hate.

It happens on and off to every creator, even to those who haven’t done or spoken anything offensive. It is easy to be someone behind a mask and pelt stones at someone famous.

Thus, the creators or anyone who becomes super successful (and rich) have lost their innocence in the process. No one is to blame, but if you get poked at for something you did with genuine intentions, it leads you to be constantly on the fence, trying to detect danger before it attacks you.

…

On the other hand, when I speak to “old-money” people, they still have retained their innocence.

By innocence, I do not mean they are fools. They are wise, strong people who have built incredible businesses. And in the process of building the business, also had their own share of massive challenges.

But because they fortunately did not get random backlash from mean strangers online, a part of them still knows how to just be themselves. Which is the most beautiful thing about *old-money* people.

…

Case in point: Visibility as a content creator is something that has massive advantages (for the top 1-5 percentile), but it is worth thinking if you want to lose yourself in the process.

What would you talk?

Would you talk something dangerous that you are trying to subtly attack me?

Are we playing real life traitors?

Are we playing real life Bigg Boss?

Are we here for a competition that I am fighting against the trauma I didn’t even give you?

Or…

We would be kind to each other.

We could trust each other with what we say.

We would have fun despite our differences of opinion.

We respect each other’s time and do not take this time together for granted.

We would talk to each other about each other’s lives, listen intently, not judge, and promise to be there for each other even when we get off this table.

Pick your tables wisely. Pick the people you share those tables even more wisely.

When I used to travel by Delhi metro many years ago, one of my goals was to never get a seat.

Yes, you read that right. It was a tiny game I would play with myself every day to test my fitness levels and make myself fitter.

Many reasons for that, but let us begin with: Someone else (even if it is another fit girl) may need that seat more than me. It was also a personal challenge I gave to myself to be able to stand well without needing a back rest or a seat. Also, sitting is equivalent to smoking, and I was anyway returning from a sitting job, so I would rather do calf raises time and again during those standing stints.

What I would do is go to any edge of the metro and keep my bags (usually two – one laptop bag and the other is the usual jute bag to carry food and snacks; and in a manner that it obstructed no one), and that is it.

One hand on the grab strap, another hand holding the book, getting calf stretches all along the way 

Thank you for reading another episode of “you can just do things” 