Nishtha Gehija

Call it what you want, but I do not need your attention, just because you know me remotely or because you believe “I am alone and you could be my in-person guardian angel”. Just because you are free these days, I am not your new project.

I have my father’s attention, the only male attention I need, my cousin brothers are the best, and that is it. That is really it.

I do not want a new friend, a new brother, a new father figure, or anyone new to care for me.

My nervous system is tired of keeping up with the nothingness of how people’s nonchalance drains you of your self-worth and ends up in you questioning yourself so much, that forget romantic relationship, I need no new relationships of any sort.

My hands freeze even at the thought of extending my arms to reach out to my phone to type a message to or receive a call from any man. I know everyone is not the same, but deep down we all know everyone is the same.

I’ll be the nicest, kindest person to you when we meet (if you behave) or when we work together. But beyond that, I owe you nothing.

If it comes across as rude, I have spent decades decoding rudeness as “must be busy, but otherwise they are kind”. I am done with that feeling of murdering my intuition over and over and over again, and mistaking someone else’s lack of interest with genuine care. And perhaps, this is the best thing I have done to my nervous system ever.

I reached home on Rakshabandhan, when I was greeted with a cotton thaila nested on my desk.

As I looked into it, I see it is full of 10-15 books that my sister had resent to me, months after I had given these books to my niece (her daughter) for reading.

When she came home over the weekend, I asked her curiously, “What made you send back these books?”

“No one reads them, so they were simply occupying shelf space,” she said as a matter-of-factly.

I can still imagine myself being stunned at her response.

I have usually made it my nature to not contradict people’s statements, but reading books is so important for my nieces’ future. That is what I told her.

She agreed to take the books, but there was no action in the 10 days that followed.

Now was the time for me to realise the truth with a deep breath…

Anyway, if I cannot force them into reading by shoving the books into their home, I think it is time for me to take a step back.

The last statement also comes from the fact that this month is my eldest nephew and eldest niece’s birthday. I wanted to give each of them a gift, but I guess for the niece it is a cash equivalent to the price of the book I get for the nephew 🙂

Honestly it breaks my heart to do this, but in order to find, one must ought to be a seeker. And other seekers (read: me) need to realise that you cannot coerce everyone into being a seeker.

I returned from my home town today, after spending 8-9 days with the fam.

As I returned, I called up my Mom and told her “Dude, this time I had no fight with either you or Papa. After so long I am returning from home without a conflict of opinion of ours.”

It has made my nervous system so calmed down.

And also made me wonder, that when my parents sometimes say a sentence that triggers me, it is powerful to not get triggered. I must love them more to understand where they are coming from, not change my opinion nonetheless, and yet not get triggered.

It reminds me of the book that I recently completed, The Palace of Illusions. It is Mahabharat written from the point of view of Draupadi. Throughout the book, I could not fall in love with or feel awed by the character of Draupadi. It is hard to, especially if you are the one causing the biggest war of humankind. At the same time, I could not get myself to hating her either. She was just walking her path with her own way of life (most of the times, it was okay).

What did stun me was how Krishna had so much love and respect for the friendship he had with her.

And that is what love does to you. It was the purest form of love of friendship, but still, when you love that much, Krishna would fight the whole world for her.

Love is the biggest form of joy.

PS: For the love of God, please exclude the infatuation or lust kind of “love” from here.

It’s starting to drizzle as I get ready for my evening walk in the park.

Sitting in the balcony, my father carefully points outdoors, and then asks if I really want to go.

I say I need the park, even if I’ll go in the nearby one and come back in 15 minutes.

He relents.

As I get out and get going, it immediately starts raining heavily. He simply watches me from the balcony.

But I ride for 30 metres and make a u-turn home. The rain is unbearable.

I write this now as I am walking in the covered parking lot of our house.

Sometimes, when people experience things themselves, they realise what is worth it and what isn’t. A lesson which usually never comes by preaching.

Thank you, Papa, for being an observer as I learnt my lesson 😉

What would you talk?

Would you talk something dangerous that you are trying to subtly attack me?

Are we playing real life traitors?

Are we playing real life Bigg Boss?

Are we here for a competition that I am fighting against the trauma I didn’t even give you?

Or…

We would be kind to each other.

We could trust each other with what we say.

We would have fun despite our differences of opinion.

We respect each other’s time and do not take this time together for granted.

We would talk to each other about each other’s lives, listen intently, not judge, and promise to be there for each other even when we get off this table.

Pick your tables wisely. Pick the people you share those tables even more wisely.

When I used to travel by Delhi metro many years ago, one of my goals was to never get a seat.

Yes, you read that right. It was a tiny game I would play with myself every day to test my fitness levels and make myself fitter.

Many reasons for that, but let us begin with: Someone else (even if it is another fit girl) may need that seat more than me. It was also a personal challenge I gave to myself to be able to stand well without needing a back rest or a seat. Also, sitting is equivalent to smoking, and I was anyway returning from a sitting job, so I would rather do calf raises time and again during those standing stints.

What I would do is go to any edge of the metro and keep my bags (usually two – one laptop bag and the other is the usual jute bag to carry food and snacks; and in a manner that it obstructed no one), and that is it.

One hand on the grab strap, another hand holding the book, getting calf stretches all along the way 

Thank you for reading another episode of “you can just do things” 

Especially when you work from home like me, there are a thousand reasons to not get things done: too tired, already worked too much this week, I deserve a break, etc.

All of which are real.

But at least 5-6 days of the week, you get up in the morning, and the first thing (post your meditation, workout, etc.) is what you do is you do 2 batches of 2 hours of deep work.

When you push yourself to sit and do, even if you are sleepy or have any valid reason, you develop a body of work, focus and commitment that no one can take away from you.

But the things that no one can take away from you require the greatest discipline. The best thing is once you start, it is the most addictive habit ever.

Of course you must know who is the Prime Minister and President of your country. And basic understanding of what is why.

But after a certain level, too much knowledge hoarding is too much procrastination.

Is it wisdom to know where the world’s first elephant was found, who invented the world’s first bread or why do centipedes have the number of legs they do.

Even for my profession, I believe you need to be a proficient writer, which happens by consistency, understanding your audience, having empathy for them, and continuously improving upon your craft. Who invented the world’s first pen is a cute thing to know, but certainly not a necessary one.

Also, when the mind is free of facts it has been forcing into itself, it finally fathoms the fearlessness to fetch into its finest freedom.

1. Go on to become someone who hurts others.
2. Be the kindest person you know, and the world ever knows.

Life always rewards karma, but more importantly, you get to live with yourself 24*7.

Pick wisely.

To find flaws in everything.

But the doers have many jobs:

• To do the right things anyway
• To be a good listener generally yet be the worst listener to critics
• To be your own teacher and objectively learn lessons from everything
• To navigate your conversations away from critics, because too much criticism (even if it is a lie) diminishes your energy,
• To be quiet and behave like an unaware human around chattering cynics.

It is always easier to be a critic than to be a doer. But oh, the life of a critic is simply the tyranny of letting your mind eat itself and never grow after turning 8, even at 80.

Sell.

Find your ideal customer, go to them, figure how their life would get better by using your product (benefits over features) and sell.

Do not worry about scale, promotions, Meta and Google ads, collab posts, influencer marketing, buying sponsorship, etc. at this stage. All of this would come when (and if) you want to scale. But early on, before ever making a sale, these are merely procrastinations and distractions.

Just find your true customers. Keep selling. Keep learning from every interaction. Listen to the signal and discard the noise.

90% of talented, hard working, dedicated small businesses think their karma is bad because their business isn’t making money. What these people truly need is execution of sales.

You’ll go 1-10 only when you have sustainably achieved 0-1.

Doing splendid things with snooty intentions is still doing snooty things.

When we wonder why things aren’t working out yet, it is mostly lack of right-minded intention and sometimes lack of real patience.

But when you are out into the world with the purest of intentions. And even when you want things for yourself for the right intentions (making money for your business is not a snooty intention, but cheating your customers is), the world rigs in your favour.

Intention is seed of your external world.

In my college days, a friend handed me a copy of “Krishna” by Bhawana Somaaya. The book explored different communications of Krishna, one of which was the friendship of Krishna and Draupadi. 
I read the book, loved it, and moved on in life. 

Very recently, as much as 14 years later, I read “The Palace of Illusions” by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni. It is Mahabharat, but written from the point of view of Draupadi. A part of this book also speaks about deep conversations and friendship of Krishna and Draupadi. 

Two entirely different books, written by different authors, with a different theme; yet the essence, the spirit of this friendship is captured equally well by both. 

When I ghostwrite books, newbies often ask if I write my own ideas in the “author’s name”. The answer is no. I capture the spirit of the author’s ideas, and make it literarily better, simpler, and write it in a manner that connects with the audience. And then sprinkle my own explanations (that are always vetted by the author). 

But the core idea remains of the author. Just like the core of friendship of Draupadi and Krishna remains the same, in almost every literature written on them.

So if you are worried about reading a ghostwritten book, please be relaxed, because the author when they read their own book, are surprised that they haven’t “written” it but looks like every single word and essence is theirs. 

Words have power. Ghostwriters have more. 

“I want to cancel. I just don’t want to go. Can I just sit here and enjoy my normal, boring life?”

I have these kinds of thoughts before travelling each time.

But there is just so little that you can do about it. Why not go with the flow and enjoy the show?

And as I write this post-travel reflection, it always helps to prepare your mind for the travel instead of dread anticipating it.

You come out with enriched mind that is still focused, and you realise the anxiety was simply a frail fear.

I recently met two of my distant cousins, who are much older to me in age. Their kids are in their mid to late twenties.

The beautiful thing that emerged from that conversation was one of them was an English teacher for over half a decade. And the other is pursuing his Masters to go on to become a Mathematics teacher.

It touched me in a manner that I haven’t yet been able to forget about it. Maybe there is something so noble, so eloquent, so deeply education-oriented that I was in awe of two kids going on to become teachers. It also made me believe it is a much more beautiful profession than becoming a content creator. (No hate for content creators, I am also one.). But because teaching allows you to really “influence” so many lives.

About the money aspect, I can tell you with certainty money is a product of your habits more than the product of your earnings. Yes you can have all the skincare and know where all is Zara located as a content creator, but a truly contented creator is a teacher who knows what every student needs.

(Maybe I am also writing this because I once wanted to be a teacher…?)

In another instance, I went to buy poha and khaman for my parents for breakfast. The poha waala was really well-behaved guy in his 20s who asked me my priorities, was respectful in money exchange, and supremely efficient. So was the khaman waala, who had joined his father in his business.

It makes my heart go in awe by seeing such young people go on to do real things in the real world and do not depend on the internet as their sole source of income, that they inspire me in so many ways than one.

Also, if one is really dedicated, hardworking, is learning lessons in life, is saving and investing, and is a good human being, more often than not, they win.

…if it is not what you want or like.

So if you think you lack money, instead of saying “I do not have money” or “I cannot afford it”, you may want to just appreciate what you like.

It is so much of our subtle programming that keeps manifesting itself in ways we don’t even realise, but when it does manifest itself again, we tell ourselves “I knew I coult not afford it!”

Life, I have figured, is rarely about affordability. Of course I am cognizant of the myriad living realities. But hold on, what I am talking about is everything is habits. So if you want to be wealthy, you want to:

• start saving (and investing) today, even when you are making too little.
• Keep educating yourself about life, about what you are interested in, with books that talk about what you want to do.
• And make these habits consistent.

“I cannot” may be your current reality, but the journey from “I cannot” to “I can” is mostly mental before it becomes physical.

1. No matter what, no screens two hours prior to sleeping.
2. Always have a book to read. To want to read and not have a book along is the worst tyranny ever.
3. To give yourself solace in the fact that people only think from their level of understanding and not at a level of curiosity.
4. To make silence your nature, not too much blabber.
5. To let go of others’ flaws by not thinking of them in the first place. You and I have too much to take care of our own things anyway 🙂

Speak too much.

I went to college from 2009-12, and moved to Delhi in early 2015. Back then, Pantaloons used to be the star of in store shopping.

Since the launch of H&M in 2015 and Uniqlo in 2019, these stores have started offering much better aesthetic western wear, and at affordable prices (H&M). Even the prices of Uniqlo which are high are justified, based on what they offer.

So recently when I stepped into the Pantaloons store at DLF Mall, it was heartbreaking to see the store lose its spirit. I cannot point out, but a part of me felt it is losing its mojo, especially if it were not for Indian wear that are still sustaining it (since H&M, Uniqlo and Zara don’t have western wear).

I remember how it used to be a joy to go to Pantaloons or Central Mall back then. I really really wish the store brings back its spirit and joy. It has done much good to millennials.

It is from the book “The Palace of Illusions” by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni, which definitely requires a bigger essay from me, but that comes after I have finished reading and processing it.

The book is about Mahabharata, but written from the point of view of Draupadi. WHAT A BOOK so far.

But this is the para where Draupadi calls for Krishna during her vastraharan.

Krishna sat beside me on a cool stone bench. His glance was bright and tender. No one can shame you, if you don’t allow it.

It came to me in a wash of amazement, that he was right.

Let them stare at my nakedness, I thought. Why should I care? They and not I should be ashamed for shattering the bounds of decency.

If only we knew, lessons of Mahabharata apply practically to all our lives to date.