Nishtha Gehija

I recently met two of my distant cousins, who are much older to me in age. Their kids are in their mid to late twenties.

The beautiful thing that emerged from that conversation was one of them was an English teacher for over half a decade. And the other is pursuing his Masters to go on to become a Mathematics teacher.

It touched me in a manner that I haven’t yet been able to forget about it. Maybe there is something so noble, so eloquent, so deeply education-oriented that I was in awe of two kids going on to become teachers. It also made me believe it is a much more beautiful profession than becoming a content creator. (No hate for content creators, I am also one.). But because teaching allows you to really “influence” so many lives.

About the money aspect, I can tell you with certainty money is a product of your habits more than the product of your earnings. Yes you can have all the skincare and know where all is Zara located as a content creator, but a truly contented creator is a teacher who knows what every student needs.

(Maybe I am also writing this because I once wanted to be a teacher…?)

In another instance, I went to buy poha and khaman for my parents for breakfast. The poha waala was really well-behaved guy in his 20s who asked me my priorities, was respectful in money exchange, and supremely efficient. So was the khaman waala, who had joined his father in his business.

It makes my heart go in awe by seeing such young people go on to do real things in the real world and do not depend on the internet as their sole source of income, that they inspire me in so many ways than one.

Also, if one is really dedicated, hardworking, is learning lessons in life, is saving and investing, and is a good human being, more often than not, they win.

…if it is not what you want or like.

So if you think you lack money, instead of saying “I do not have money” or “I cannot afford it”, you may want to just appreciate what you like.

It is so much of our subtle programming that keeps manifesting itself in ways we don’t even realise, but when it does manifest itself again, we tell ourselves “I knew I coult not afford it!”

Life, I have figured, is rarely about affordability. Of course I am cognizant of the myriad living realities. But hold on, what I am talking about is everything is habits. So if you want to be wealthy, you want to:

• start saving (and investing) today, even when you are making too little.
• Keep educating yourself about life, about what you are interested in, with books that talk about what you want to do.
• And make these habits consistent.

“I cannot” may be your current reality, but the journey from “I cannot” to “I can” is mostly mental before it becomes physical.

1. No matter what, no screens two hours prior to sleeping.
2. Always have a book to read. To want to read and not have a book along is the worst tyranny ever.
3. To give yourself solace in the fact that people only think from their level of understanding and not at a level of curiosity.
4. To make silence your nature, not too much blabber.
5. To let go of others’ flaws by not thinking of them in the first place. You and I have too much to take care of our own things anyway 🙂

Speak too much.

I went to college from 2009-12, and moved to Delhi in early 2015. Back then, Pantaloons used to be the star of in store shopping.

Since the launch of H&M in 2015 and Uniqlo in 2019, these stores have started offering much better aesthetic western wear, and at affordable prices (H&M). Even the prices of Uniqlo which are high are justified, based on what they offer.

So recently when I stepped into the Pantaloons store at DLF Mall, it was heartbreaking to see the store lose its spirit. I cannot point out, but a part of me felt it is losing its mojo, especially if it were not for Indian wear that are still sustaining it (since H&M, Uniqlo and Zara don’t have western wear).

I remember how it used to be a joy to go to Pantaloons or Central Mall back then. I really really wish the store brings back its spirit and joy. It has done much good to millennials.

It is from the book “The Palace of Illusions” by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni, which definitely requires a bigger essay from me, but that comes after I have finished reading and processing it.

The book is about Mahabharata, but written from the point of view of Draupadi. WHAT A BOOK so far.

But this is the para where Draupadi calls for Krishna during her vastraharan.

Krishna sat beside me on a cool stone bench. His glance was bright and tender. No one can shame you, if you don’t allow it.

It came to me in a wash of amazement, that he was right.

Let them stare at my nakedness, I thought. Why should I care? They and not I should be ashamed for shattering the bounds of decency.

If only we knew, lessons of Mahabharata apply practically to all our lives to date.

So I will read later.

This is the biggest illusion we warp our into.

Read one page. Everyone has this much amount of time.

The irony, though, of good habits is you do not realise they are the good habits unless you actually imbibe them.

Time becomes an ally for the one who stops being a lifelong alien to good habits.

Good habits do not deserve to be postponed.

Is a passive outcome.

A destination that makes us get away from whom we serve, and focus solely on the rat race.

A more useful way to think about anything is how to be useful to your customer.

Two important points here:

1. Know what “useful” means.
2. Know who is your customer

Serve these two metrics, and the views will follow.

The advice is technically good, but there are some nuances.

You must develop the intuition (that only comes with practice and reflecting on your life lessons) to identify the people who are worth working with or not.

Sometimes being around the sun burns you. Sometimes being around the sun makes you lose your calm. Other times, it just takes away your energy so much that your joy faints forever.

At other times, when you get too close, you realise anything that burns so hot, it firstly burns itself.

If nothing else, getting close to the sun teaches you that sometimes the best way to make the best of anything is to learn from them from far away.

Maybe, you must still get as close to the sun as possible. After thinking about if this is the sun you really want to be like.

PS: You are not going on a literal sun. So if this sun burns you so much, please know you are allowed to return. No matter what anyone else says.

Jab We Met is a cult movie. A movie that still serves.

But when I saw Jab We Met, I thought it was the most obvious thing for every girl to not run away from her home for a boy. Never even with a conversation, but especially never without a conversation.

Recently I saw a post of the Netflix series “Operation Safed Sagar” where Prajakta’s character does exactly the same.

It really pains me to see girls do that.

Yes you might be in love. Yes your family is getting you married elsewhere. Yes, the boy should ideally understand you.

But the bigger fact of all remains that if you make a boy choose you forcefully because you have been going through all this, he is still choosing you forcefully.

I may not have the right answer in these situations, mostly because everyone’s situation is specific. We may, although, begin with understanding what is not the right thing to do.

I went out for a walk, and the road was relatively less bustling.

It felt eerily peaceful.

The things you get when no miracle strikes, but just as a result of consistency.

I go to my daily spiritual class by cycle. Or walking.

Mostly because it is around 1,000 steps away. But also because my car is parked inside, after which my landlord’s car is parked too. So to escape the morning hassle of me asking them to take the car out and so on, I take the former options.

Except, last week, due to some chance, I was the one parking my car after theirs. Translated: Now every morning my car was accessible to me.

The result I saw in these 4 days was one, the obvious one: I was walking 2,300 less steps every morning. But the cascading effect of that was I was left with lesser zeal to walk in the evenings too or be more active throughout the day.

Convenience is good, which the car helps me with any distance that is longer than 1-1.5 kms. But if you use convenience in places where you must make it a little uncomfortable for yourself, you are damaging yourself.

Costs of conveniences (of all kinds) are not always monetary.

Everything you did not expect will happen.

When you fret too much about it, you miss the lesson.

When you learn the lesson, you skip the drama forever.

Our choices do create our mindset, inter alia.

Especially not the people who are richer than you.

We sometimes think “if only this happened, our problems would be solved.”
Or, “they don’t have the problems I have, so let me dump mine onto them.”

Mostly it is so unconscious that we simply think our misery is someone else’s minor inconvenience. Maybe. But maybe again, our misery is making their trust towards us miserable.

Life has its own ways of breaking us with miseries. But we must have our own self respect of not making it everybody else’s problem.

And you will figure, almost all of them had an unfair advantage that you didn’t.

Someone did not have to worry about paying the rent. Others always got food (literally) served on a platter. If this is not enough, some lucky fellas had supportive parents even before they were born.

Or, you can focus on the unfair advantage you have. Maybe you are articulate like no one. Maybe you have the patience to be a good listener. Maybe you are creative par excellence.

When we focus on what we don’t control, our life spirals out of control. When we focus on what we have, we create miracles even we hadn’t fathomed.

What do you bring to the table? Noise or silence?

When you bring silence, is it silence of acceptance or a silence of being scary?

When people are around you, are they allowed to be themselves or are they supposed to be like you?

The table is crowded. With all people alike. We need you. And who you are in your simplest, untainted, purest way, without the masks of success and the failures, but just you having a conversation.

The table is crowded with noise. Can we have you with your signal?

(On friendship breakups with people who are still our friends)

When I texted you multiple times during the last year, I was sick and tired of your nonchalance.

Yes life could beat us all up, but I never understood the karmic account of punishing someone else for someone else’s sins.

I became friendless because you became careless.

And now, every now and then, I come across a meme or a quote that I wish to share with you. I even open up our WhatsApp chat. And then I don’t text you.

People have some tolerance for nonchalance. I have exhausted mine. Without you ever being aware of it.

So when you text me, I wonder, do you really care, or do you simply want to have someone who cares for you without caring a dime. (Absolutely not related, but “bhulega dil jis din tumhein wo din zindagi ka aakhiri din hoga” is playing on another browser on my Spotify.)

Sometimes we get up and leave, and people do not even realise. And I do not know, which one of these two is the worse part.

I went to Bengaluru for a half-a-day trip. And when I landed in Delhi, the first thing I thought to myself upon stepping out of the plane is “nothing feels better than your own city’s AQI” 🙂

Our need for home is so deep we don’t even realise it.

Last time I went there in 2016 for a 3-day trip I remember traces about.

Now that I went back for a half-a-day, how much or how little can you even capture? But I will try.

People of Bengaluru are extremely sweet. Like all of them. Even the richest of the richest elites. They are the same sweet people who they are inside and who they are outside.

The display of wealth is so much different, slightly more subtle from the way Delhi people display wealth. There is no “this or that” but every city has its own equation of how the richest operate.

Lastly, what is supposed to begin at 6 pm begins at 6 pm even if it was a bad rain day yesterday in Bengaluru, and the traffic of this city is anyway bad (I experienced this even in the half a day). The event even ended on time, and it is always a pleasure when things start and end on time.

I cannot say anything about the food because I carried my own, like I always do. But the city even in this smallest amount of time looked promising, fascinating to me.

Anyway, I had always had a subtle thought about “what does Bengaluru look like” in so many years. And yet when I had a chance to really go there, I booked the flights for the smallest amount of time. Irony dies a thousand deaths in our own lives.

Skip that meeting.

Get on a phone call instead of video call.

Skip that meeting.

Plan your day before you start.

Skip that meeting.

Spend time creating not complaining.

Skip that meeting.

Schedule reading/cleaning your closet/cleaning your desk in your free time.

Skip that meeting.

When email works, use it. When email doesn’t work and you need a meeting, still try using the email.

Skip that meeting.

Meetings are a proxy for trying to appear busy, seeking validation and having an empty life. People who do not love themselves love meetings and wasting their time.

Lastly, SKIP THAT MEETING. You’ll create better things by being away from that meeting. The only thing you have is your mind. If you let it rust in meaningless meanderings of everyone else, how will it ever create anything fertile?