(Note: This is not going to be a positive post, so may skip this one if you are here for one.)
I was walking swiftly from my parents’ home to the optician’s outlet last night around 8 pm to be there just in time to collect my glasses, before I boarded the train to Delhi back early this morning. Surprisingly, I happened to see my father’s shop staff getting ready to shut down his shop (which happened to be en route to my destination).
As I reached home, I learned both my parents were going to visit my uncle (my father’s younger brother) and aunt who were in our hometown only for two days.
My uncle is bed-ridden for almost a year now. Last month, the entire family shifted to Jaipur. Before that, at least once a month, my parents would visit their home to simply catch-up with my uncle.
Now that they were in our hometown, it of course, made sense for them to go visit them.
But you know something, my father never came home early for me. Worse, yesterday only he asked me to come home more often and stay longer. (I’m not, bruh.) But sit to talk to him for a minute and he will start doing his “important” chores because he is always rushing.
Why so much love for a sibling but not a kid? Not only me, but all 4 of us siblings?
Just because I am not bedridden? Just because I am “on my own, kid; and have always been”? Just because I am their kid and not shouting for love, it is so convenient for some people to think their kids as “bachcha”, provide for all their feeding needs and never ever think of being there for them.
Over the past few years, I have distanced from my family. As heartbreaking it is, it has also made me emotionally strong, have a good relationship with myself, and also attract positive people (who believe in themselves) into my life.
But yesterday was a heartbreaking day.
I don’t communicate this to my father because his default would be to get angry, start beating himself up and create drama, or pretend to be unwell so that he may gather sympathy. Not because he is an attention seeker. But because people, when unaware of their own selves, try to do things they themselves don’t know they are doing. Better stay quiet, I decided. I also don’t communicate this to my mother because she will say “whatever we do for you, is less”. Maybe you should stop “doing” and just start with “being there”.
However, I have also understood that parents are also humans, work in progress.
If communication doesn’t solve things, distance would. At least in my case, it has saved me from abandoning myself. And has taught me the power of being right here, right now, for the one who needs you.
In an Instagram post, Freddy Birdy says:
Most people take the love they have for granted. Only the unloved really know what love is.
