In the last one week, I happened to reconnect with 3 people who were a part of my past.
And the feeling on connecting with all of them was, to say the least, dismal.
Met an old school friend (along with our third school friend who is a bestie as on date). Then connected with another old friend from college and CA days, on LinkedIn. And also texted a mentor today, thanking them on the occasion of Teachers Day.
Here is something I learnt from the conversations where none of them turned out to be beautiful:
For the context, these conversations were in decreasing order of time – first one – 2 hours of in-person meeting, second one – 8-10 DMs exchange, third one – one DM exchange, respectively.
- Takers become takers when they are consumed a lot – in their life problems or money or both.
I am a big believer of being genuinely interested in people, however, when they do not even know who I have become today as a human being, if I am doing fine, what motivates me, etc., and all conversations centered around them, your spirit just moves away from them. Perhaps forever.
- There is a reason why those people are not in your life right now. If they truly had to understand you, why would you all be out of touch?
- When someone reaches out and connects, they don’t do it out of lack of self respect, however, they do it because they care for the bond that existed. Which is why I reached out to the three of them 🙂
And this is why if someone from my past reaches out to me and I am not in a headspace to reconnect with them, I still send an equally enthusiastic response, or I do not agree to meet them in the first place. Still, in the same tonality.
So the best thing to do perhaps is to not reconnect with people who were a part of your past, in most cases.
This may sound gloomy, which is why I have a corollary: If you intuitively feel there will be love and acceptance in that relationship (unlike these – where I intuitively felt there is going to be no or little acceptance but I chose to give them a chance), you should consider giving those reconnections a chance.
For example, my school bestie with whom I met this other school friend, we got closer again earlier last year, after almost a year of not being in touch. But she never displayed attitude, nor did I – and today she is one of my most comfort people.
This is the thing about heartbreaks. We think it is only in romantic relationships. In reality, it is in so many relationships – friendships, colleagues, past friendships, past colleagues, and so many other relationships.
Because the heartbreak has occurred, you should also give yourself the emotional resources and perhaps the time to heal from it and deal with it. You’ll learn. You’ll figure. You’ll rock.
To bring things home, you intuitively know what will work out and what won’t – and even if you want to give things a chance, it’s okay. It’s totally okay. You lived out to your best version, and that’s fine.
Sometimes you must move on. Because they have already.
Btw, I’m listening to
“Yaad hai mujhko, tune kaha tha, tujhse nahi roothenge kabhi…”