Sitting at a lunch table in my office. Usually I eat on time (i.e., 12:30 PM) which is early for a lot of people, so I am just by myself.
This fine day, I saw a colleague sitting on a table. I walk up to that table and sit there. With the hope of sharing a laugh or having a good conversation, we end up doing nothing. Because he just doesn’t want to talk. Maybe he’s too occupied in his mind with work. Angry with someone. Whatever the reason be, we don’t talk aka my initiation is not even responded. Not even the presence is acknowledged by making an eye contact.
I move on. As my first year roommate rightly taught me, “What’s the point of getting affected by people if you don’t have to get married to them?” As ‘lol’-worthy that statement was, it has helped me immensely.
Fast forward to today morning: 2020
I get a message from that very ex-colleague. It was in response to a WhatsApp story I had shared about a job opening.
We exchange pleasantries, share a dialogue or two of “haha”, and then we’re done.
A part of me wants to reconnect with that old colleague. Wants to listen to their struggles. Wants to lend an ear to their pains. Wants to let them know that they are not alone. For no reason at all, just the acknowledgment of a shared human connection.
Yet, I do not try to open the door that they had closed on me. Not because I was wearing a mask of ego. Had that been the case, I won’t have shared the job details with them. Rather because, I was vulnerable with them and was not taken in the right light.
And standing for yourself is the best gift you could give to yourself. This is a small thing.
Let’s break barriers with those who don’t create new ones. Right?
Recently, someone whom I trusted professionally betrayed my trust – of course, professionally.
Not for the first time. Rather for the nth time.
Then why am I still stuck? When is the right time to leave? Why don’t I teach them a lesson?
Honestly I don’t know. Because no coin is two-dimensional with two sides, every coin is a 3D art with multiple aspects. Not that I am not able to see clearly, rather I am waiting for the right time.
There are multiple virtues of being young and there is a vice of acting on impulse because you’re young. Never let the vice ruin your life forever. Thinking before acting is a superpower. Not acting for long is lack of trust in yourself. Finding that balance is what makes you irresistable.