I am finding the bad in everything these days.
People are bad.
Their goodness is bad.
What they do is filled with bad intentions.
What they are doing to me is filled with trying to look good.
Honestly, I feel like I am done. I want to let go of everything. Every. Single. Thing. And don’t know what’s next. But live life in the confidence that things will be good. Because I am good.
But you know what, beneath what makes me feel bad is the truth of something that is truly not good. It is up to me to look up to that and create my life based on the truth that I am proud of.
That is it. That is it!
I am honestly least excited about my birthday.
Not really, though 🙂
Least excited, because left with no friends anyway 🙂
Excited and happy because, it is going to help me build a relationship with myself!!
But more than anything else, happy, because starting this birthday, I will be consistent with my blog – every single day. A blog a day. And also make up for the old ones.
I am usually not a fan of starting something big on big days, but Daniel Pink reminds that it is a good day to start off something meaningful on a day that is meaningful to you.
So let’s do it!! And hope to serve you more with my birthday 🙂
I feel lost even when I have found a lot.
I feel lost even when I am not supposed to.
I feel lost even when I am apparently in the mid of a lot.
Everyone and everything seems to be sorted. But it is not.
And here is what I want to tell you: That everything, EVERYTHING you see on the screen is not true. There are layers, there are fears, and there are deeper chairs we all sit on.
What we see is what someone chooses to show.
What we don’t see is where the reality is. It is that which our eyes need to see.
I want to write more.
I want to express more.
I want to have a friend that I don’t have, through writing more.
Writng is such a beautiful thing. It liberates you, it lets you express yourself in a manner that no one would understand. It makes you know who you are.
And even if no one understands you, you don’t care a dime and a dozen. You understand yourself. And nothing beyond that matters.
Everyone must write. Whether or not they are professional writers. Whether or not online or in a journal. Whether under their own name or a pseudo name.
But no one deserves to be in a prison of their mind whose only key is writing out their words.
Let your words out. So that peace can get in, my friend.
Went on a team offsite recently.
Posted good pictures. The world thought life was good.
Except, I had a major breakdown.
I had fits attack. Which did not happen anymore. The last time it happened somewhere in 2019, and before that in 2016. Nothing beyond that. But it is usually the result of tension, lack of sleep, and menstrual cycle combined.
I had all these + also had to reach a trek by 7:45 + also fulfill my work commitments that I had imposed on myself, that led me to having that attack.
I hardly remember anything. But that is the thing about it. It comes with days of sleep and more fatigue, sleepy feeling, and less desire to work on anything.
Plus, no one really cares. They just judge. Or appreciate.
But slowly bringing back life. I hope I will. I know I will.
Till then, I can safely plan on skipping Rakshabandhan because my brother is busy calling me bad because of my “good life”, hardly stopping to celebrate together or to know the inner life of it.
Replying to emails immediately
Gossiping about someone else, because they were wrong according to us.
You can rarely become a writer when you want to become a writer.
You become a writer when you choose pain to make you write.
Letting yourself go and flow, is the way you become a writer.
Not all pain looks like a heartbreak.
Some of it comes as a disrupted schedule, sometimes as fights in relationships, and also sometimes as not wanting to talk to anyone.
Pain is choosing to see through what kills you, and kill it with self-care!
Every relationship will hit you hard.
Yes, even that relationship that you thought understands you.
Every human being will some day show you a version of themselves you hadn’t expected.
What do you do then?
You form a relationship with yourself. And you form a relationship with God.
With these two relationships in place, two things happen:
- You detach from the good and the bad of every other relationship. Thus, you become the cheerleader of your relationship with yourself.
- You understand that when you have you and your God with you, no one can absolutely touch you. Ever.
And that, is when you know, that no complex relationship can ever enter your simple relationship with you.
Could anything be better than this?
From not wasting time today from yesterday, I gotta sleep on time, which is 9:15pm (the time of writing the blog).
See you all tomorrow, thoda jaldi 🙂
PS: You are not tired when you do not create waste thoughts. Waste thougths create tiredness.