Sometimes all I have is sympathy for our parents’ generation.
Their parents saw the partition of the nation – leaving their country, their childhood, all that they called “theirs”, to come to another place just to survive.
In this need for survival, was the generation of our parents born.
Thus, the upbringing they got was of stress, not having enough time, and always lack of means.
Which is why our parents are the way they are.
They have been conditioned so.
They were never taught to love.
Perhaps because they were never loved.
And then one fine day, we pop up and expect them to be cool because that is what we are surrounded by – cool kids just like us.
Now that we know, we can still do what we want to do, while being respectful of who they are. It isn’t just for them, it is for the acknowledgement of how much they are trying to adapt, because they care for you:)
The body – how it responds to chemical reactions is very very weird.
A few days back I mentioned how I bingewatched Dill Mill Gayye on a weekend.
The TV show, in many ways, was an inspiration for the people of my generation.
The cute people, the pure love, the sparks flying at workplace – everything.
Until I spent some time alone for so many years, getting to know the reality.
This morning I was reminded of one instance from the show – where the male protagonist goes on with a friend and feigns as her husband in front of her family, so that her family members stop pressing her for marriage. He does all this without informing the female protagonist, with whom he is deeply in love with.
Today, just by remembering that instance, I was sent into a state of feeling like crying, as to how this could happen.
Of course, a lot of this relates to the past mistakes I made.
Which brings me to the question – do we really forgive people or does our body remember everything?
If the body remembers it, it is up to the mind to practice focussed forgiveness – for a long, long period of time. Even when it is not asked for. Not for the other person. So that we go beyond our limitations that didn’t even exist.
Don’t we owe this to ourselves?
“I have dealt with so many bad clients.”
“Not all clients provide creative freedom.”
“I have the mind of steel now, while dealing with bad clients.”
Time and again, I see people documenting their bad experiences with their clients.
However, here is the truth:
They weren’t bad. They were just being themselves.
Maybe they were not trusted with money so they thought it is okay to pass on that belief.
Maybe their work never trusted so they did the same to you.
Or maybe maybe maybe you made the mistake in choosing the wrong professional relationship.
If we are aware, we always know in pre signing up conversations, how the other person is going to turn out to be.
If we truly look back at all our “bad” experiences, in our heart, we knew that before signing them up.
People rarely change.
They just reveal themselves.
It is up to us when we choose to see and when we choose to be blinded.
You cannot measure the revenue a customer will bring basis your product.
It also depends on:
– how you treat them
– do you really mean that kindness
– how much you care about customer satisfaction at the core
– what do you do to raise that bar
– how do you listen to customer queries and complaints
The existing customer, will then decide how many people would he decide to turn into your permanent ones.
Applies to all areas of life. Your social media. Your friends. How you treat them. How you treat yourself. Who are you friends with.
The tiniest things that we do, even how careful or ruthless we are while applying toothpaste on our brush, determines how successful we become – financially and in every other area .
Today our boss taught us two lessons for LIFE:
1. Never complain. Never. Even if it is the worst day of your life.
2. Trust people for what they say – if what they say doesn’t make any difference to you. If what they say would affect you as well, then use that muscle of doubt. Otherwise, keep that sense of awe and wonder.
Even thebiggest happiness could being about a place of sadness if you happen to compare yourself to others.
Someone else, younger than you, is going to get all the things you have been waiting for.
Does it feel bad! Maybe yes.
Should it feel bad? The answer to this could never be yes.
What’s the solution, then? The solution is to put yourself in more I more situations like these because that only would help you work harder and challenge yourself more often.
Think over it. Someone else won, you lost; and then you created your own plan of confidence a reality.
More I have stacked having lesser work that is more valuable and comes with bigger responsibilities, the more I’ve to started realise that having more times precious.
– “urgent work” is not important
– having a schedule is the way to get important things done.
– No is the biggest superpower.
It turns out, whatever we were taught in school – staying busy, working more, and saying yes in order to be liked – lose their power as we gain more wisdom.
My first time away from home, I was 18 years old.
For the first week in hostel, I used to wake up every day and cry – missing home.
Over time, I learnt to understand myself. And be by my own.
My first job, I was 23 years old
Used to cry every day after returning – for the first few weeks.
People were all cooperative (maybe), just that the real world was a surprise from the comfort zone of sit and study.
The first time I went to college – I looked really bad.
Because I wasn’t confident of myself.
Gradually, self love took over and I started looking better.
No change apparently, other than the way I looked at myself.
Everything happens for the first time.
If it is good, wonderful!
If it isn’t, chill! There will be a next time.
It’s your game. No one else is even thinking of you.
But you know what? You are thinking of yourself.
And that is the only reason for you to not give up.
Today I bingewatched a few episodes of an old TV show “Dill Mill Gayye”. Hate to write that. I never watch TV. But I did today.
Anyway, that show had a huge impact on me and a lot of people of my generation.
It made us believe in falling in love (lol). It made us smile. It made us believe in friendships.
But today as I look back at that show with a wise perspective, look at some instances:
Armaan and Ridhima confess their love to each other. But the next day when Ridhima refuses to give in to his physical demands, he gets angry. This happens each time he tries to get close to her but she says no. Not because she doesn’t love him, rather because she isn’t ready.
This is how I was shaped. And a lot of other girls of my generation. Who ended up believing that the girl has to say yes if she wants to be loved. Otherwise he would get angry.
I wish I knew better then.
I wish I knew that the first and foremost thing to do is to get away from such guy.
I wish I knew that it’s okay for physicality to come much much later after love has been nurtured.
I wish more of of my fellow sisters knew of this.
I wish more of men were raised to believe that Moms being submissive to Dads was not by choice, rather by torment.
I wish more men knew how their very own fathers “loved” their Moms when all she felt was tired.
I just wish…
1. The things that used to upset you do that anymore. Not even in your mind.
2. You learn from the times you lost money and don’t make the same money mistakes again.
3. You don’t lay the same expectations on people, if they have willingly proved they don’t want to stay true to the relationship (even blood relationships).
4. You find a way to laugh even amidst chaos.
5. You have replaced anger for people with empathy and sometimes even sympathy.
Growing up necessarily doesn’t mean in age. You may be in your 70’s and never learnt to control your anger.
Growth is a choice. The one that we make every single day.
In the absence of which, we just die.