I have never re-read something 4X, until I read this

Today’s blog is a repost of a long tweet of Nicolas Cole, because it is something I haven’t been able to stop thinking about, since this morning; and more specifically, since my therapy session earlier this week.

Here we go (everything after here is a copy pasted from here):

Relationships fail because most people have conversations like this:

Short post here, but it’s important.

If you listen carefully, most conversations are one-sided.

Someone asks the questions. (A) Someone talks a lot. (B)


And when the person who talks a lot does direct the conversation back at the other person, they do not ask them questions.

Instead, they say statements.

For example:

A: “How are things going?”

B: “Honestly, really good. So much is going well for me! I just moved into a new place. I just started a new job. It’s all fantastic.”

A: “That’s great! Are you adjusting well?”

B: “Oh absolutely. By the way these tacos are great.”

A: “Yup, I love tacos.”

B: “No, they’re like really good. You know I’ve always been a fan of tacos. Tacos are the best.”

A: “I agree.”

B: “Yeah, if I could, I would always eat tacos.”


If you read the above, you have to listen closely to see how person A might feel, at some point in this conversation, unheard.

Person B does not ask them directly, “What’s going on with you?”

They just keep talking (usually about themselves) and saying things at the other person — instead of allowing them the opportunity to talk about themselves too.

This is one of the most common mistakes I have witnessed in human interactions, period.

This dynamic ruins relationships.
It causes unnecessary conflict and misunderstanding.
It stirs resentment.

Everyone wants to be able to share themselves — and if no one ever asks, they turn bitter.

Which makes them less likely to listen to someone else and ask them questions — and then that person turns bitter, etc.

It’s so simple.

When you’re with someone, ask them questions and actually listen.