Loneliness Pro Max

I hadn’t thought I would write this on my 30th birthday.

First of all, wish you a very happy birthday Nishtha. It takes courage to show up every day. And you are a brave girl. Braver than you know 🙂

Now, I somehow felt very very lonely today. Just want today to end ASAP. I know I should be grateful for things that I do have, but somehow not facing the issues is making me weaker.

So here are the issues (it’s okay if you don’t want to read further. But I want to move further, and nothing is a better vent than this):

  1. I am on a diet and my Mom made dahi bhallas for me. A lot of them. The problem is – if I say I am on a diet, she will think I do not respect her. Because she thinks my sisters don’t respect her because they come home for lunches and dinner more than often. So her respect is annealed to food. Very small thing btw. I know. Except when someone thinks they are loved for what they do – without asking the other person if they really want it!
  2. One of my sisters got angry because I didn’t receive her call. (Not to mention, my phone was on. Just that there was no network connectivity.)
  3. Didn’t receive calls from any of my three best friends. One shared a very sad reason on message, for other two – no idea.
  4. I wanted to have bhindi for lunch. But at the same time did not want Mom to bother. Since they don’t like bhindi, they would be preparing another food item. So we came to an alignment for chaulai in gravy. The only intention for me was to prepare a common food item. Immediately our neighbour sent fried veggies to us. My Mom immediately jumped to preparing dal. Saying she loves dal with fried veggies. Though she offered to let me cook anything or better, she cooked it – I did not want that. So I had dal. Except that I have it everyday for dinner. So in a way in the process of helping her out, she ended up ruining my birthday lunch.
  5. I had kept my calendar free – for me to be able to enjoy with family. But my sister and her 3 year old come to our home daily, when my sister goes to work. After she comes back, they both watch cartoons in our living room. The last thing I wanted to do. So came back to my room.
  6. My team – whom I love so so sooo much, no one cared if it was my birthday. Yes, there were wishes. But I really didn’t know if I was just worth a birthday message to them. Well, what else they could do? I don’t know. But I make sure to at least be the first one to wish them. The sad part was – the ones whom I considered my friends – even they didn’t remember it was my birthday.
  7. The saddest part – I hadn’t thought I would be writing this kind of blog post today. To be very very honest, all this happens 364 days of the year and I am chill with it. Just that I had expected the world to make it better for me today. While they were just being themselves. So in reality, no one is wrong. They are just being who they are.

With that, if you have reached this far, thank you, for listening. I am doing therapy next week and hopefully I will see some light into these dark summer days.

Life is otherwise good.

  1. Signing up for the July Sweat Challenge.
  2. My cousin called up, and got him to sign up as well. At least convinced him 🙂
  3. Got 3 new assignments today – from my boss only.
  4. Escaped the Saturday meeting of a client – the meeting that I anyway don’t love.
  5. Did a wonderful kick-boxing workout. And so, I loved it!!
  6. Had home made meals. Gratitude.
  7. Did NOT watch an OTT when I was crying. Super grateful for that.
  8. Wearing a nice white tee from UCB – with a rainbow on it. Freakin’ awesome 🙂
  9. Quarterly bonus is coming in four days. Yayyy!!
  10. My boss from first job (that I quit 3 years back) messaged wishing me. Thanks to him 🙂
  11. Studied a great class by Shaan V Puri – detailing how to pitch yourself. Damn, the details into writing 🙂
  12. Went to God’s home – the spiritual center. And meditated more than usual. Couldn’t be happier

And you know what, while I was crying incessantly while typing what went wrong, I feel much much better for what I wrote above.

The good always has the power to wipe out the bad. I just felt it. Without even planning for it. Hope the same for you.

On that note, wish you a very happy birthday Nishtha:)
You’re a rockstar. Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.