The Failure Story

Today I stumbled upon the failure resume of Ankur Warikoo. Was a wonderful peep into why this man is so humble despite having achieved so much in life.

Basis that I decided to prepare a failure resume of my life so far. Not about career as he did, rather what has made me strong so far.

I am often told by a lot of people:

“You’re too strong!”

“You understand things quite deeply.”

Also on the last day of my first job, my then boss (who had never said it), said me: “My indirect guru!”

While all these things may seem elating, this 28 year of life span has taught neither to be super-happy on appreciation, nor to be super-sad while being criticized.

Yet I was not born with this strength. 

Here’s how I happened to develop it:

2002: Class VI – My then best friend found a new best friend all of a sudden. Not only I was friendless, I also sat in a corner while all others played basketball in games period. 

Lesson learnt: I started becoming friends with everyone – na kaahu se dosti na kahu se vair. And bam! Started enjoying school life unlike ever before.

2003: Our whole family has decided to go to a park on a Sunday evening. Maa and sisters have prepared dahi bhallas and aloo tikki to be eaten up there. I am ready with my badminton and best hair band. My masi and my cousin have also come home – we will all enjoy together. 

Just half an hour before we are about to leave, Papa says we won’t go. He blabbered some reason which I could intuitively feel were not right. He just said no means no.

Lesson learnt: I always make it a point to take my nephew / nieces to park – no matter how much I want to rest. They just know one thing: “If masi has committed, she will take us to the park and play with us.” (Without phone.)

2010: IIM – A, where the world goes to fulfill their dreams, I signed up for a nightmare. Went there for a day-long conference, and met the first person I fell in relationship with. 

He liked nothing about me – absolutely nothing other than my skin colour. He became friends with my cousin, used to talk with her while I had already been thrown out of his life, and above everything – threw me out of his place on our last meeting.

Lesson learnt: Not yet bro, I had one bigger jolt to learn the lesson.

2011: The sister just older than me, who is also the closest one – gets engaged and married. After her marriage she faces some problems in her own life, because of which she couldn’t devote time to our relationship.

Lesson learnt: Learn to channel your loneliness into solitude. That’s when I fell in love with books for eternity. 

2014: Nana died. I was one of his favourite kids. I go through all his last rites peacefully, strong as a rock. It came out naturally, didn’t have to do it.

Two weeks later, my Mom asked me: “Where do you bring so much power from? You didn’t even cry! I helped myself a lot just by looking at the way you conducted yourself and knowing what Nana meant to you!”

Lesson learnt (this time a powerful one): Keep filling yourself with power, over a period of time it will become automatic.

2016: Okay, this is the second jolt. Was exactly the photocopy of the first guy, with additional splice of anger, blame game and a ton of blackmailing.

I considered myself lucky to finally be able to get out of that.

Lesson learnt: Your life has a pattern. If it is following a pattern you aren’t proud of, reflect over it and change. (Disclaimer: Neither of these 2 persons were bad – they were just not right.) Also, learnt to say no gracefully and without any guilt.

2017: This is when I have started journaling a lot. Have started listening to God’s words. Have made a relationship with him. He is right there for me, every single time.

2018: Me and my best friend were supposed to go to Goa in January. We booked our tickets in July itself. Excitement was at its best. We were just reverse counting the days.

Somewhere around November, another friend of hers also books her tickets with us. I feel resentful in the beginning – it was a trip for both of us. Yet, I thought it was immature to react so much, and of course, my excitement belongs to me. I continued being excited.

In December 2017 I texted my friend: “Yayyy!!! Next month finally Goa!” She replied with a cold message, and asked if her friend would hamper our enjoyment. I said yes she would, however let’s focus on what’s working.

She said it’s better not to go then.

Cool. I cancel my tickets. She also tries to, yet since the refund is negligible, she decides not to cancel it.

Later around Christmas, she pushes me to book my tickets again. I choose not to, price is 4X now.

On the day of her take off, I am in a meeting onsite. Couldn’t take her call. Saw her message later that she just wanted to talk. I went back to my hotel room, call my sister, and cry a lot. A lottt.

Lesson learnt: To love your friends without any condition. We are still very good friends. Yet conditioned my mind to accept her where she is, instead of laying a bunch of expectations on her.

Also, I make God my bff now. We are just the best since then.

That’s it people, some small takes in this big picture called Life.

Gary Vaynerchuk, who posts a lot about optimism and hope, said once: I wish people could share their real struggles with everybody – the world would be so much lighter and happier if it happened.

That was the very reason I shared these struggles with you. Not to brag about what I went through. People have been through worse. Yet, when we know the process we honour the result and respect the journey. 

Nothing is natural other than nature. We have become who we are.

From tomorrow, we’ll go back to possibility and power! Hasta-la-vista baby!!