I want to write about pain

I want to write about pain.
I want to write about pain I felt at a recent trip.
I want to write about the pain only my Mom saw in the photos, while everyone was saying I was having fun!
I want to write about the pain of self-betrayal when you don’t stay true to yourself.
I want to write about the loneliness of being abandoned by so-called friends.
I want to write about how is it even possible for people to wear different masks – of goodness on one side and of I don’t care on the other side.
I want to write about the pain I feel when I am sidelined, because I am not cool.
I want to write about the pain when people reach out to me only because I have access to certain data and information while others don’t.
I want to write about the pain I felt when you thought that just because I am strong, you can walk over me at any time.
I want to write about the pain that how I was so blinded to the truth that lay right in front of me, just because I craved validation.
I want to write about the pain I perhaps brought to other colleagues by running after useless validation.
I want to write about the pain of how I let my “friends” come to my home and take my book, do random stuff, talk loudly, etc., while I was not even allowed a place on their bed when I went to their home. How can I do such random stuff just for validation?
I want to write about the pain of how it is eating me up because from now on, I will show the strong non-vulnerable version of me.
I want to write about the pain of how I pick “familiar” unavailable people – either as ex-es or as friends. Btw, this one is liberating, because that is how I can change my patterns.

I want to write about the pain of writing about pain, just because I did not listen to my intuition.

It turns out, the intuition is always whispering to us to change our patterns. It is up to us to be silent enough to listen, so that we don’t carried away by the noise.

The red stain on the white sheet

Yes, it happened.
Not on my bedsheet.
Rather on the sheet of a meditation hall of a huge retreat center.

Yes, you read that right.

I had just had my dinner, and had gone to the meditation room to let go of what was in my head.
Little did I know I would let go of much more 🙂

Since I was menstruating, I thrust my kurta behind, before sitting on the floor – that had mattress covered with white sheet.

And when I got up, I left an imprint! A huge one!!
Surprisingly the kurta was stainless because it had been thrust back, it was through the leggings that the stain had escaped

Now I had two options:

I could tell myself: “Nishtha you have been menstruating more than half of your life, and you do not know even this basic thing of taking care?”

Or, I could get up and find for a solution.

I got up, and told the girl next to me (by disturbing her meditation) of what had happened, and she helped me out.

She suggested to keep my bag on one side of the stain, and she kept sitting on the other side. Meanwhile, she asked me to bring a wet handkerchief from my room to clean it.

I ran to my room. Changed. Got a handkerchief. Made it wet. Ran again.

Did the operation. Didn’t succeed.

Then she suggested, this time I keep sitting, and she will bring a bit of soap from her room.

In all this, the coordinator who was taking care of the premises started turning off the lights, and requested me to leave. I said I’m waiting for someone, and requested for ten more minutes.

He waited. Then said he has to come back early morning. So he insisted.
Then another girl next to me told him what the real problem was.
After which he became quiet, and waited.

Then came the face wash. And my handkerchief. With few drops of water from the girl who told the coordinator to wait.

And I rubbed and I rubbed. For ten full minutes. Post which it finally became clean.
Though the mattress was wet, but it wasn’t red anymore.

Lesson learnt: Take extra care going on, however, if you screw up, figure out solutions instead of screwing yourself up further.

Open, by Andre Agassi

Sometimes I find myself walking to my bookshelf, pick up Andre Agassi’s memoir Open, and look at this back cover pic of Agassi.

The kid is quite confused.
The kid hated tennis.
The grown-up Agassi hated tennis.

But with the weight of that racquet too much to handle, he managed it for one of the greatest careers in history.

And perhaps even found himself in the process.

This kid gives me power, strength, and often vulnerability, to not resist what’s coming.

In what lies unseen, you will see yourself.
In what you don’t know, you will know more.
In what you hate, you will end up loving yourself.

Warm milk vs cold milk

Have you tried drinking plain cold milk? Without sugar or chocolate?

If yes, you know it has a calming effect.

Alternatively, if we drink warm milk without sugar, it is kind of weird. We need to add sugar to make it a bit better.

That is how life is. When we are chilled out, we are sweet naturally. When we are hot or angry, we have to make efforts to get sweetness.

We decide, which milk to be.

One of the best books I’ve ever read

“As a Man Thinketh” by James Allen This is one of the tiniest books I’ve ever read, containing just 56 pages, however, each time I pick it up, I get a new direction to my thought. Here’s sharing the 18 timeless lessons from the book:

  1. A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts,
  2. The alteration in a man’s circumstances is in the exact ratio to his altered mental condition.
  3. The soul attracts what it secretly harbours, that which it loves, and also that which it fears.
  4. Men do not attract that which they want, but that which they are.
  5. Circumstance does not make the man, it reveals him to himself.
  6. Men are anxious to improve their circumstance but are unwilling to improve themselves, they therefore remain bound.
  7. Good thoughts and actions can never produce bad results, bad thoughts and actions can never produce good results.
  8. A perfectly pure and enlightened being could not suffer.
  9. Men imagine that thought can be kept secret, but it cannot; it rapidly crystallises into habit and habit solidifies into circumstance.
  10. Change of diet will not help a man who will not change his thoughts.
  11. He who has conquered doubt and fear has conquered failure.
  12. Those who have no central purpose in their life fall an easy prey to petty worries, fears, troubles, and self pities, all of which are an indication of weaknesses.
  13. As a man thinks, so he is; as he continues to think, so he remains.
  14. Achievement, of whatever kind, is the crown of effort, the diadem of thought.
  15. Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become.
  16. Into your hands will be placed the exact result of your thoughts.
  17. The strong, calm man is always loved and revered. He is like a shade-giving tree in a thirsty land, or a sheltering rock in storm.
  18. Self Control is strength. Right thought is mastery. Calmness is power.

The book is easy to read, and needs to be read over and over again. If you could do yourself and your life a favour, get one here, today, PLEASE!

And when you’ve read it, reach out to me to let me know which one line are you going to take with yourself as a reminder. I’d look forward 🙂

Never shared before life lessons

These life lessons are deep, and never shared.

Here you go:

  1. Imitate the one you want to become. Allow for no deviation with lesser standards.
  2. A drunkard doesn’t have awareness of the world around them. Are you so much drunk in what you have and what you are becoming, that you don’t have awareness of the negativity and poison around you?
  3. A phone connection is flawless when we have a clear network. Is your network to your intuition clear, or is it flawed by opinions of others?
  4. Desire is the seed of killing yourself, if you know you know.
  5. Being kind and having sweetness in your demeanour isn’t a waste. It is, in fact, the best thing you could do to yourself. And the world, which by default worships the rare diamonds.

PS: Number 6 — Diamonds are formed under pressure 🙂

When I lost a high-paying client

Two months back, I had lost a high-paying client.
Though there was a good lot of other work from other clients as well, this loss did affect me – at least emotionally.

So one morning at around 8:45 am, I was sitting in my room and pondering, when I saw my father. He was being his normal self, making the wick for the diya, and lighting it up with ease and gratitude.

And that moment – in a moment of nothingness, something happened.
I don’t know what, but something just hit me!

Read the entire story here.

Two money lessons from my life

Some money lessons:

  1. If you want to earn more and you do have the capability and credentials for that, don’t settle for a less-paying job or contract. No one will respect you if you won’t.
  2. Pay credit card bill immediately after making the transaction. You will have reward points, AND you will not see a HUGE bill at the end of the month.

Tell me, have you tried these and succeeded?