Layers of self doubt

  1. You are confident of yourself.
  2. Others are not confident of yourself.
  3. You start doubting yourself.
  4. Others magnify that.
  5. You step back, and after a lot of hard work, get self confidence back.

And then you realise, the best way to deal with self doubt is to create your confidence in isolation without worrying about what others think of you.

And that’s awesome 🙂

When will I have my own?

When will I have my own business?

When will I get to a place of not worrying about money?

Will someone ever believe in me?

Some questions do not have immediate answers.

But whenever I am confused about long-term choices in life, here is something that always helps me:

  1. Sitting and meditating
  2. Going for a nature walk
  3. Reading powerful stuff
  4. Journalling
  5. Becoming absolutely quiet

This is not a step-by-step process, rather a buffet – you can pick whatever you like, as per your taste and preference. And that’s beautiful 🙂

I want to write about pain

I want to write about pain.
I want to write about pain I felt at a recent trip.
I want to write about the pain only my Mom saw in the photos, while everyone was saying I was having fun!
I want to write about the pain of self-betrayal when you don’t stay true to yourself.
I want to write about the loneliness of being abandoned by so-called friends.
I want to write about how is it even possible for people to wear different masks – of goodness on one side and of I don’t care on the other side.
I want to write about the pain I feel when I am sidelined, because I am not cool.
I want to write about the pain when people reach out to me only because I have access to certain data and information while others don’t.
I want to write about the pain I felt when you thought that just because I am strong, you can walk over me at any time.
I want to write about the pain that how I was so blinded to the truth that lay right in front of me, just because I craved validation.
I want to write about the pain I perhaps brought to other colleagues by running after useless validation.
I want to write about the pain of how I let my “friends” come to my home and take my book, do random stuff, talk loudly, etc., while I was not even allowed a place on their bed when I went to their home. How can I do such random stuff just for validation?
I want to write about the pain of how it is eating me up because from now on, I will show the strong non-vulnerable version of me.
I want to write about the pain of how I pick “familiar” unavailable people – either as ex-es or as friends. Btw, this one is liberating, because that is how I can change my patterns.

I want to write about the pain of writing about pain, just because I did not listen to my intuition.

It turns out, the intuition is always whispering to us to change our patterns. It is up to us to be silent enough to listen, so that we don’t carried away by the noise.

How past trauma affects work

Someone I know was in a bad relationship in the past.
Multiple traumatic experiences with the same guy.
He used to leave her, then come and physically and mentally exploit her, and the chain continued for several years.

Until one day she finally got the courage to get up and leave.

But you know what, this trauma continued for several years in her work as well.

She believed she was not deserving of getting her needs met at work, so she wanted to leave from work at the tiniest of discomfort.
She never went up to talk to her clients or bosses, because she was never spoken to in the most intimate relationships.
More than anything else, if anyone at work praised her work, she felt it was a lie just like the guy “loved” her and went away multiple times.

Here’s the truth: When you look at that guy, his social media profiles, his work background, he comes across as an Angel. Like no one could be as divine as him. Yet he is the cause of someone else’s deepest trauma.

Sometimes it helps to see that our desire for needs becomes someone’s long-term pain. Are we ready to bear the consequence of that karma?

Wouldn’t agree on this one…

I read somewhere that pain is just pain. Someone else’s intensity of pain doesn’t reduce your pain.

While most people may agree, I tend to disagree.

Someone else’s intensity of pain might be different from yours. And if we are unable to acknowledge that, it makes us more selfish and less empathetic.

If we are in pain and still can acknowledge someone else is in pain, we are truly a caring human being.

Do you also feel hurt?

Do you feel hurt by people?

You did good to them however they didn’t respond?

What if they didn’t hurt you?

What if they hurt your idea of how you should be treated?

No one, absolutely no one owes you anything. If they’re good, you’re lucky. If they aren’t good, you get stronger.


Today an Amazon packet was to be delivered. The boy reached on the ground floor, and called.

Since I didn’t receive, I immediately called back, however was unreachable.

So I went to the balcony of our first floor home, and saw him.

He asked for my name first. I responded. Then he asked for his number that flashed on to my screen. Then he even asked for my number that was there on the package. For no reasons, no one has ever done that.

A part of me wanted to get angry at him. However, I told myself: “He must also be in pain for going out and meeting so many people in these conditions. More so, maybe he had lost a valuable packet in the past for not doing due diligence.”

This suddenly stopped me from getting angry. And gave me perspective.

We choose our emotions. And then, those emotions choose us.

What do you see?

When you see someone (your favourite person) has checked your Instagram story, it may just be tapping around, instead of consuming your content.

When you see your father is not understanding you, it may be because he was never ever understood since the day he was born.

When you see you are not being given your credit, it could be because the other person has a hole inside themselves.

When people don’t fulfil their commitments, probably because they have been lied to in the past.

Everything we see, is the tip of the iceberg.

The question is, what side of the iceberg do you decide to see?

The “after” feeling

If you think it’s easy for pro’s to get up and do the workout daily, you’re wrong.

No one, absolutely no one wants to go through the grind.

They still go through it, because the feeling that comes after the hard work, is unmatchable.

Don’t go with what you are going through. Go with what you want to go through.

Focus on power of future versus what pain it brings in the present.

You will NEVER know

You will never know what someone else is going through.

Beneath their anger is the child their parents never spent time with.

Beneath their gossips is the inner hurts they never healed.

Beneath their frustrations with you is the frustration that they are not able to deal with their lives.

Beneath every pain they inflict upon you is the pain within them they are trying to deal with, and unable to do so.

It’s really not about you, as much as their hurting words and actions are about them.