Anger. The word whose existence kills most relationships.
Even when people are aware that they need to stop getting so angry, why aren’t they able to change it?
Because they want their needs to be met first.
I want to be respected by my friends.
I want to earn more than a colleague.
I should be the priority for getting perks.
And when we don’t get these things we get bruised in our minds. That inner hurt is reflected as anger, sooner or later.
What if, we try the other way round?
I respect my friends and I know they also love and respect me, even if they don’t express it.
What I earn is right for me and whatever raise I deserve, will come to me.
Everyone is getting all the perks they deserve. It’s us vs me.
It turns out, when we change the inner conversation, the outer and inner anger vanishes.
Guess who is responsible for our anger then?
Guess who has the power to change it?
The power we look for outside, is the inner power we do not use.
There’s a wonderful woman I know of, who is living her life for a great social cause. She’s been doing this for the last thirty years, started at the age of seventeen.
She doesn’t get angry.
Always works to uplift people.
Cooks great food for them.
Listens to their problems.
All epic. Super-commendable.
But I can often sense hidden anger within her. Because the people she serves don’t live up to her standards.
Because no one is going to live their lives as we suggest them to be, no matter how much good that suggestion holds.
As a matter of fact, if we force them, they might grow even more resistant.
The key is acceptance. And that is the entire journey all about. Acceptance that we can only guide them and bless them, everyone takes their own sweet time to get to a place of change.
Till then, they need our blessings.
The silent anger causes greater resistance.
And loss of trust.
When you are angry, don’t respond.
When you are angry, trust yourself it will get better.
When you are angry, go outdoors (yes, even balcony would help.)
When you are angry, do NOT reach out to your phone.
And next time when you are angry, and you calm down, ask yourself, how to protect yourself from the same thing next time?
I was having a conversation with someone yesterday, who was justifying their anger.
When I told them you always have the option to choose love, they said where do I get so much love from?
Very valid question.
With a simple answer: connect with God because He is the ocean.
Like every relationship, it requires commitment.
Like every deep relationship, it will nurture deeply.
When people are in the whirlwind of their emotions, when they have given everything and still believe we deserve more, people lose their control over self, and start blaming others.
What they need right now, is not a closure.
What they need is a walk.
And we need walks all the time. To think twice before hitting send. It would save us a lifetime of regret.
Anger is something that serves none of us.
Why we do it, is like scolding a child. Won’t work.
Why not ask yourself: “How can I be calmer and under self control in these situations?”
We get the life, we sign up for.
People may be not behaving according to you.
However you don’t know how good they may be.
If one lesson life has taught me over and over again is this: NO ONE has earned your rudeness.
If you don’t be careful, you’ll walk around the world as someone who takes away their happiness.
And you don’t want to be one.
You will never know what someone else is going through.
Beneath their anger is the child their parents never spent time with.
Beneath their gossips is the inner hurts they never healed.
Beneath their frustrations with you is the frustration that they are not able to deal with their lives.
Beneath every pain they inflict upon you is the pain within them they are trying to deal with, and unable to do so.
It’s really not about you, as much as their hurting words and actions are about them.