How past trauma affects work

Someone I know was in a bad relationship in the past.
Multiple traumatic experiences with the same guy.
He used to leave her, then come and physically and mentally exploit her, and the chain continued for several years.

Until one day she finally got the courage to get up and leave.

But you know what, this trauma continued for several years in her work as well.

She believed she was not deserving of getting her needs met at work, so she wanted to leave from work at the tiniest of discomfort.
She never went up to talk to her clients or bosses, because she was never spoken to in the most intimate relationships.
More than anything else, if anyone at work praised her work, she felt it was a lie just like the guy “loved” her and went away multiple times.

Here’s the truth: When you look at that guy, his social media profiles, his work background, he comes across as an Angel. Like no one could be as divine as him. Yet he is the cause of someone else’s deepest trauma.

Sometimes it helps to see that our desire for needs becomes someone’s long-term pain. Are we ready to bear the consequence of that karma?

Self-control

Self-control to not check WhatsApp because it is just a time-pass.

Self-control to block the negative people because you love yourself.

Self-control to sleep at a fixed time every night because early morning meditation and workout is superimportant to you.

Self-control to distance yourself from “friends” that drain your energy because you can’t love anyone unless you love yourself.

Self-control to have the self-control to not talk about this self-control in public and rather live by it, because doers rule the world.

What does true hard work mean?

Hustling. Grinding. Slogging in the hours.
All of this is pop culture’s definition of hard work.

Except that it’s false.

True hard work is when someone’s good or bad deeds do not invoke a reaction from you.

If the above line seemed difficult, it may be possible that you’re just wasting your time instead of doing the real hard work.

What an influencer!

These days you are learning a lot about my meditation retreat experiences. You’ll have them coming more, for the coming few days.

So while on that retreat, I happened to meet an influencer who stays there in the ashram. And when I went to meet him in his office (that was adjacent to the room he stayed in), I was stunned by what I saw!

While the ashram is big, I had thought his room as well to be one.

But that’s what his room was a reminder of: giving, sacrifice and living as who you are – not as what you want to show.

And meeting him was indeed a wonderful experience 🙂

Oh no!

I am retreating in an ashram these days.

Of all things, one of the most epic ones is the food here. Very simple. Every meal has 4-7 items, and those are the basic Indian food. The best in the world. Tastier than anything I have eaten.

Today I met someone who said that she is eating protein bar and granola because her stomach is not well.

I feel really sorry for her. For two things:
– Relying on “packed food” to make her “healthy”
– Not understanding the vibes of food cooked in an ashram.

This is precisely most people are unhealthy and unhappy.

I want you to read the last line again.

“I am” trying to prove myself

I am someone who is very flexible with their team.
I am someone who never mistrusts my family.
I am someone who doesn’t judge others.

Whenever we are trying to prove ourselves, it is because that part is wrong.

Look at this wonderful line I read in a book: “The one who tries to prove, tries to win the battle, and that one could never ever win.”

Let your actions speak louder than any words could do justice to.

I want watermelon

This afternoon, my sister was sitting sad and lost.
When I asked her multiple times, she still didn’t respond.

My 3 yo nephew or her son, who was in her lap, I turned to him.

Told him, “Tell you Mom to smile.”

Do you know what he responded?

“I want watermelon!”

Wow. So cute. That is the level I want to get to in my life.

Here’s something I learnt from him:

  1. My sis told me that he was already nudging her to stop being so sad. He always says, “First, you smile.
  2. He was not attached to his Mom’s emotions. He loves her, wanted her to smile. But didn’t get upset when she did.
  3. He knew what he wanted 🙂
  4. Didn’t get unhappy when he didn’t get the watermelon.
  5. His love is not conditional when his Mom is smiling only. Love IS he.

So, my question to you is: Do you want watermelon?

Warm milk vs cold milk

Have you tried drinking plain cold milk? Without sugar or chocolate?

If yes, you know it has a calming effect.

Alternatively, if we drink warm milk without sugar, it is kind of weird. We need to add sugar to make it a bit better.

That is how life is. When we are chilled out, we are sweet naturally. When we are hot or angry, we have to make efforts to get sweetness.

We decide, which milk to be.

How transformation feels like

We don’t go from eating junk to eating healthy.
We go from finding solace in food to finding solace in inner powers.

We don’t transform from an angry teenager to a calm one easily.
We go from using energy on others to using it on our own senses.

We don’t go from being fat to think.
We go to changing the stories in our head.

We don’t become a morning person one day all of a sudden.
We become one when we die in the morning despite working whole night.

It turns out, transformation does not mean having a change.
Transformation means using the old habit to become a new one.

Use the bad to become the good.

The best thing of 2021

I recently conducted an AMA on Instagram about the best thing that had happened to people in 2021 so far.

The responses were surprising.

While I had expected people to say things like got a new job, promotion, etc., most responses went with:

1. Started prioritising myself.

2. Taking care of what I want.

3. Took up yoga to for myself.

4. Moved to a new city.

5. Learnt to live on my own.

And so on and so forth.

Loved it! When people take care of themselves, they are able to take care of others more. Which isn’t true vice versa.

Looking forward to having more of them and seeing people get more powerful.