“I am” trying to prove myself

I am someone who is very flexible with their team.
I am someone who never mistrusts my family.
I am someone who doesn’t judge others.

Whenever we are trying to prove ourselves, it is because that part is wrong.

Look at this wonderful line I read in a book: “The one who tries to prove, tries to win the battle, and that one could never ever win.”

Let your actions speak louder than any words could do justice to.

I want watermelon

This afternoon, my sister was sitting sad and lost.
When I asked her multiple times, she still didn’t respond.

My 3 yo nephew or her son, who was in her lap, I turned to him.

Told him, “Tell you Mom to smile.”

Do you know what he responded?

“I want watermelon!”

Wow. So cute. That is the level I want to get to in my life.

Here’s something I learnt from him:

  1. My sis told me that he was already nudging her to stop being so sad. He always says, “First, you smile.
  2. He was not attached to his Mom’s emotions. He loves her, wanted her to smile. But didn’t get upset when she did.
  3. He knew what he wanted 🙂
  4. Didn’t get unhappy when he didn’t get the watermelon.
  5. His love is not conditional when his Mom is smiling only. Love IS he.

So, my question to you is: Do you want watermelon?

Warm milk vs cold milk

Have you tried drinking plain cold milk? Without sugar or chocolate?

If yes, you know it has a calming effect.

Alternatively, if we drink warm milk without sugar, it is kind of weird. We need to add sugar to make it a bit better.

That is how life is. When we are chilled out, we are sweet naturally. When we are hot or angry, we have to make efforts to get sweetness.

We decide, which milk to be.

How transformation feels like

We don’t go from eating junk to eating healthy.
We go from finding solace in food to finding solace in inner powers.

We don’t transform from an angry teenager to a calm one easily.
We go from using energy on others to using it on our own senses.

We don’t go from being fat to think.
We go to changing the stories in our head.

We don’t become a morning person one day all of a sudden.
We become one when we die in the morning despite working whole night.

It turns out, transformation does not mean having a change.
Transformation means using the old habit to become a new one.

Use the bad to become the good.

The best thing of 2021

I recently conducted an AMA on Instagram about the best thing that had happened to people in 2021 so far.

The responses were surprising.

While I had expected people to say things like got a new job, promotion, etc., most responses went with:

1. Started prioritising myself.

2. Taking care of what I want.

3. Took up yoga to for myself.

4. Moved to a new city.

5. Learnt to live on my own.

And so on and so forth.

Loved it! When people take care of themselves, they are able to take care of others more. Which isn’t true vice versa.

Looking forward to having more of them and seeing people get more powerful.

It’s great that you’re not a laptop

My laptop turned ten this January. (Lol, looks like I’m talking about my kid. Haha, except that it is not my kid, I’ve just typed so much that it is just my therapist taking all the mental health issues outta me 😀 )

So, coming to the laptop.
It’s slow.
Can’t work on videos.
Since my work is primarily writing, we are still in a relationship.
But it takes time to download from and upload to the drive.
With too many tabs open, may even occassionally hang.
But it’s trying its best.

Here’s a fact: This laptop is a laptop. Which means it does not have a replaceable CPU. Which means it can only be replaced for a new one.

But here’s a bigger fact: You are not a laptop.
Your brain is not fixed.
You can change it.

Your body replaces itself almost every year.
You can change your body.

Your lifestyle isn’t fixed, no matter how trapped you are.
Your tiniest of changes can make the biggest of differences.

You are not a laptop.
Don’t live your life like one.

Do you have any evidence to support this?

This was a random question by one of my smart school friends on one of my tweets.

It got me thinking.

Not to think of what to respond, rather to think of where we have landed ourselves.

We want evidences of thoughts we think intuitively.
We want to buy a car recommended by most people.
We want to wear the brand our boss wears because subconsciously it would make us look cool in front of him.
We want to send our kid to the school that promises best education, unmindful of the fact that the best schooling happens at home.
We want to…

All these are good wants. But that’s all they are. Wants.
They override the innate need that we all have: Needs.

One of our fundamental human needs is listening to our intuition. It will never have evidences. Nor does it want any. It is full by itself not having to want (or need) any validation.

Organ donation and our levels as humans

There’s a country where citizens become organ donors by default on attaining a certain age. It’s a law. They can choose to opt out if they want to, however, they will be in the last priority for consideration as organ recipients.

However, this is not possible in developing countries where there are fights on basic things like bank accounts or food and shelter.

There is nothing wrong or right. It is just the culture that pushes people to think certain way. It’s the reason why desis act like firangs in the countries of firangs. The culture gets it done from them.

This pretty much explains why we do what we do, and why is it impossible to change people without their prior choice or change of culture.

Someone who grew up in corporate culture does not know the nuances of starting up at all. Perhaps an eighteen year old knows more.
Someone who grew up in an Omkara apartment in Worli Mumbai won’t ever understand the nitty-gritties of arranging the basic things in most households.
Someone who meditates at dawn daily won’t love the culture of drinking till sunrise in Goa. They just aren’t that.

People aren’t wrong. They are just different. Simply due to changes in the people we are surrounded by.

While we cannot control whom we are surrounded by unless we make some drastic changes, we can always change whom we are surrounded by online.

Since humans spend a lot of time online, we have the choice to think like the people of the country where becoming an organ donor is mandatory.

We always have a choice.

To those who have failed in CA exams…

19th January 2015.
The day I became a Chartered Accountant.
I still vividly remember the day.

We had just returned to Kota (my hometown) after an overnight train trip from Mumbai, after attending a family function there for three days. So the winter was a harsh reality from the pleasant zero winter of Mumbai to being back to Kota. Because of this train journey, I had taken a shower quite late, around 10-11 am.

The moment I came out, I saw a miss call from a fellow article at the firm I did my articleship from.

Oops, my heart started pounding.

As I called him back, he picked up the call and asked: “Kya hua?”

“Result aa gaya?” was my surprised response, to which he said yes.

My mom had gone to take shower and I was virtually alone at home. So I opened up the laptop, connected it to the slow BSNL router we had and checked the result.

452 out of 800, result: PASS. (*Top 100 scorers in India then)

Wow!

The day I will never forget!

Throughout the day I did not feel cold at all despite returning from Mumbai back to shivering winters of Kota. It was in the evening that I finally realised I should be feeling cold 🙂

My mom came out of shower and started crying a lot. A lot. She basically missed my Nanaji for whom I was a source of pride and who had passed away eleven months back. The day was something me and my parents had been waiting for, for years!

But this is the success story. That I cleared CA Final (both groups together) in the first attempt that too with very good marks.

Here is the back story: I failed in IPCC twice. As on date, given the number of failures we get to face, this doesn’t seem huge.
Back then it was. Especially for a class topper like me since childhood, who ended up with this major jolt for the first time in my life.

You know what, my Mom cried then as well, for how could such a thing happen to me? (Yes now I know that I was responsible, but I just couldn’t convince her to see that part. Maybe I didn’t want to see that either!)

But I did clear the IPCC exam eventually. One group at a time.

That is the word you need to remember my fellow CA students: eventually.

The world isn’t going to be smooth even if you clear all three stages in the first attempt with AIR 1. It’s true that social media is not going to have your pictures when you fail.
It’s true that your neighbours will probably stare at you when you’ll leave home for coaching classes.
It’s perhaps true that a friend who was not expected to clear is a CA today and you aren’t!

All this is real pain.
And it hurts, especially if you worked hard.

But there is one more thing that is real: Your grit. Your persistence. Your belief in your capability that no matter what, you will end up with the prefix CA before your name eventually.

Feel sad as hard as you want to. Clean your nose with your sweater that your friend likes who is a CA now. Look at yourself in the mirror and just be, it’s okay!

But when you are done, don’t waste a minute pondering about what was and what could be. Just focus on what you are going to do next.

Winning in life is less about numbers and more about your attitude.

For example, I’m not a cunning person and because of that I sometimes get walked over (sometimes by my hashtag friends), and that feels very bad. But then I tell myself that my systems and ethics are powerful, so I needn’t be scared. NEVER ever has been a place in my life that because of not being cunning, rather being a simple human being, I hadn’t won eventually. Things always turn out to be in the favour of the person who works hard with the rights systems and the right mindsets.

And if you are worried about number of attempts, yes I did get a bonus of 1L INR extra back in 2015-16 because of being a first attempt passout. But today, 5-6 years down the line, almost everyone is earning in the same income range. Time is a great leveller and a wonderful thing to forget.

So keep up your spirits high my fellow CA students, it is only a matter of time that you will become a member of the reputed ICAI. Till then, focus on building systems and attitudes that eventually and undoubtedly lead to success, instead of letting things happen.

PS: In case you are wondering if I used some systems while preparing for CA Final exams after failing in IPCC twice, of course I did! I won’t blabber them here because the purpose of this blog is not to show you how, the purpose is to show you what. If you need help with systems and processes while preparing for CA exams, drop me a note at ngehija454@gmail.com and I’d be happy to help you out.

PPS: It will happen, eventually!

Immunity against relatives

My mom informed me this afternoon, that she will be going to visit a relative’s place in the evening.

I was like, sure.

In a moment I added, “You love yourself, right?”

“What’s up with you all of a sudden,” she quipped.

I said then since those relatives squeeze the energy out of you, can you watch one video of BK Shivani on YouTube before going and one after returning? Please?

She agreed to do so, however, I don’t know what would her mindset look like.

I feel sad for her. Just like a Mom would feel sad for her kid going into bad company yet finding it difficult for her to convince him not to go.

Good wisdom is like immunity. We don’t realise its importance unless a pandemic arrives and doesn’t touch us despite hanging around Covid patients, because we had inner immunity. To make it last forever, we need to keep building it daily.