About Father’s Day

Last Sunday, we had a blast on Father’s Day. Nothing “special”. Just that since it was Sunday, I took my Kindle and sat in the living room, instead of sneaking into my room.

Had life conversations with my parents.

Got to know that my father’s first internship started at age 6.

Learnt the immense power of putting your head down and doing the work, even when you are not being paid.

And more than anything else, got the immense power of learning to spend some time together with family. Not everyday religiously, but at least consistently :))

Our generation is so cool!

Sometimes all I have is sympathy for our parents’ generation.

Their parents saw the partition of the nation – leaving their country, their childhood, all that they called “theirs”, to come to another place just to survive.

In this need for survival, was the generation of our parents born.

Thus, the upbringing they got was of stress, not having enough time, and always lack of means.

Which is why our parents are the way they are.
They have been conditioned so.
They were never taught to love.
Perhaps because they were never loved.
And then one fine day, we pop up and expect them to be cool because that is what we are surrounded by – cool kids just like us.

Now that we know, we can still do what we want to do, while being respectful of who they are. It isn’t just for them, it is for the acknowledgement of how much they are trying to adapt, because they care for you:)

Five fave one-liners

  1. We are our strongest when we listen to our inner voice more than what our idols say.
  2. The only birthday preparation introverts make is turn on phone notifications the day before.
  3. The doers have one core value: They never talk much about their future plans. They just let their work do the talking.
  4. When someone asks you: “How you did it?” and you stumble for a bit instead of showing, “This is how…”, you’re truly humble.
  5. Do it even if your parents disagree. They will disagree to things they themselves said once. Why not actually go live your life? (PS: Disagreement does not mean being disrespectful.)

Disturbing in Simla vacation

Couple of days back, I had an inpromptu plan to visit Delhi, where I live. (PS: I am in the last month of my stay at my hometown these days :D)

When I called up my landlord a day prior to my reach, he and Aunty were in Simla, for a short break.

Yet, here’s what Uncle arranged to do for me:
– Asked his brother in law to come home and take out my room’s keys to the kitchen, which was being used by the servant.
– Told the servant to clean my room
– Told the servant to make sure he opens up the main gate, as I wasn’t having the keys

All this, while vacationing.

They didn’t have to do that, yet they did. As a matter of fact, upon reaching my apartment, I texted Uncle instead of calling him so as to not to disturb them, thanking for everything. He replied with taking the help of the servant, if I needed anything.

Just wow!

But why are we talking about it?

Because in a lot of homes, it is considered taboo to get out of your way to help anyone in family, let alone tenants.
In a sad culture that has been instilled, it is thought that if someone is helping us, it should be with some ulterior motive.

And if that was not enough, kids are taught that they should never talk to strangers, let alone help them.

No wonder why that generation has grown up to become mentally ill generation.

That said, if you are able to read this, you have the power to parent yourself. What our parents and our culture did to us is bad, however, if we replicate that to ourselves, nothing could be worse.

So, help others out. It will not be a disturbance on your Simla vacation. Be the one who is a giver, and EVERYTHING else in life, will be well taken care of.

Does love die?

Love is like a plant, it is supposed to blossom.

In the initial years, it requires a lot of care to grow. If we are careful about that for at least a decade, it will automatically nurture itself later. Then it would become the strong tree, that gives shade and does not require much of nurturing.

But if we don’t nurture it in the start, it does wither. And slowly goes away.

Coming to the question: Does love die? Of course it does. When we don’t nurture the first few years with care and trust, be it in any relationship, nothing is left. If it is a relationship we cannot run away from, such as family, we learn to accept them – but there is hardly any connection. If there is a relationship that we can go away from – a partner, friend, business relationship – the best we could do for them is bless them!

Love, btw, begins with yourself. But that’s for another day.

A secret about my marriage

Nine years ago, in 2011, my elder sister was getting married.
I was twenty at the time. And I hated marriage. (I still do :D)

A day before marriage, our aunt (masi) brought her a bowl of hand-pounded halwa. It was basically made of roti crushed through hand, along with sugar and loads of ghee. The purpose was to make sure that the bride remains strong and healthy while going through the wedding ceremonies.

As my sister was having it, my masi and I were sitting next to her. This sweet preparation was also to be eaten by someone who was to get married next. And I clearly wasn’t the one, given my age as well as worldviews.

Still I ate that yummy thing. It was so delicious, and I was going through her wedding tiredness more than her 🙂

But of course, eating that preparation didn’t end up getting me married, as it is believed to be so.
Several years later on my cousin’s marriage, I was purposefully given that preparation so I got married. I had that dry-fruits and sweet-filled preparation happily, enjoyed it and forgot about it.

The best part is, I am still unmarried. Not as a “side-effect” of those sweet-preparations (lol), rather out of choice.
How can a life decision be dependent on eating something?

This helps to understand, that the next time we are given a belief that is going on for long, it pays to not believe it. While still making the best of it 🙂

Immunity against relatives

My mom informed me this afternoon, that she will be going to visit a relative’s place in the evening.

I was like, sure.

In a moment I added, “You love yourself, right?”

“What’s up with you all of a sudden,” she quipped.

I said then since those relatives squeeze the energy out of you, can you watch one video of BK Shivani on YouTube before going and one after returning? Please?

She agreed to do so, however, I don’t know what would her mindset look like.

I feel sad for her. Just like a Mom would feel sad for her kid going into bad company yet finding it difficult for her to convince him not to go.

Good wisdom is like immunity. We don’t realise its importance unless a pandemic arrives and doesn’t touch us despite hanging around Covid patients, because we had inner immunity. To make it last forever, we need to keep building it daily.

The idea of a happy life

When I had initially come home during lockdown, I had thought I would finally be happy when I will go back to Delhi.

I had thought I will be happy when I get my freedom, but it isn’t denied to me here either.
I had thought I would have good places to shop, but life is anyway being lived in the same pyjama since eternity:)
I had thought my parents wanted to stop me here forever, but they don’t, which makes me live here happily.

Don’t know when going to Delhi will be possible like before, but I am now starting to be happy with my dysfunctional family. Especially since opportunities to work and make money are infinite with zero compromise on my daily power naps and evening walks and morning workouts and what not!!!

We wait for an idea of the future hoping for things to get better, not realising it is getting created here and now – with what we think and what we do.