Raw. Real. Unfiltered. Daily blogs. Often, less than 100 words
Jab bhi kabhi
Papa mujhe
Jo zor se
Jhula jhulaate hain Maa
(Ab Papa jhula to nahi jhulate par metaphorical jhula jhulate hain)
Meri nazar
Dhundhe tujhe
Sochu yehi
Tu aake thaamegi Maa…
Unse main yeh kehta nahi
Par sehem jaata hu main Maa
(Shayad Maa bhi sehmi hui hai)
Chehre pe aane deta nahi
Dil hi dil mein ghabraata hu Maa
Tujhe sab hai pata
Hai na Maa
Tujhe sab hai pataaaa
Meri Maa ❣️
There was one instance last week, where my Mom needed my help.
And I couldn’t.
More so, I’m glad I couldn’t.
Here’s why:
I do not have membership of any OTT: Netflix, Prime, Hotstar – none.
This is something that I’m proud of – for saving hours of my precious time.
So last week when my Mom missed an episode of a serial, she asked me to search for it in Hotstar app.
And lo’ an behold, as much a techie I am, I couldn’t search for it! Tried and made errors, still no success!
A beautiful example of why ignorance is bliss and superpower sometimes.
While my Mom managed to forgive me, I just loved this non-awareness of mine.
Our mind, of course, is a beautiful garden that doesn’t deserve the seeds of hatred from the TV.
Do you have such a weird habit?
I came across a clip of an interview of Kobe, the legendary basketball player who passed away in an air crash earlier this year.
The interviewer was talking about a game, where both teams had to do a tie-breaker of final throws. Once Kobe’s turn came, he had a Achilles tendon, yet he got up, made his throw, and finished the game like a star.
When asked about the reason, Kobe said:
“Let’s say you have an Achilles, your hamstring is torn, your doctor tells you to have a bed rest, not move at all. So you’re at your home.
And suddenly, the house’s on fire. The kids are upstairs, the wife is somewhere else, and now you have to save them. You will instantly forget your hamstring, grab your kids, make sure your wife is safe, and get out of the house. You won’t remember the hamstring because your family is more important than the injury. So when the game is more important than the injury itself, you don’t feel that injury.”
When the game is more important than the injury itself, you don’t feel that injury.
What is the game that we are into?
Injury or the kind that Kobe was into?
Today I wasn’t feeling good about my relationship with my parents. Somewhere I want them to talk about things that interest me.
However, later I realised that this is not the first time I have had the same emotions. Happened multiple times.
Till when would I allow myself to wallow in the same pain? Is my time so easy to be wasted?
So here’s what I did to keep me grounded:
• Made a gratitude list. My mood is my responsibility.
• Played a spiritual and practical video on YouTube while working
• Actually spoke with them. Because perhaps that is what they think of me.
That’s it. Problem solved. Rinse and repeat, the next time it occurs.
People are going to be dissatisfied with you.
At home.
At work.
Friends maybe.
There’re two things to reflect:
a. Is it a reflection of their own dissatisfaction?
Or
b. Is there something you really need to change.
In either cases, you have the power. You just need to let go of your first-emotion crisis. You just need to decide.
Yesterday my father turned 66. While his life has innumerable lessons, here are some that inspire me today:
1. Picked up exercise during lockdown. Still continues it for an hour daily.
2. Loves to go to his work daily. A trait missing in a lot of millennials.
3. Is always there to listen to my problems, without judgement. Ever.
4. Will give up anything but never honesty. That, in turn, brings him tons of blessings.
5. Most importantly, understands the space I am in. Thus, never forces me or even brings up the topic of marriage. Being a boomer and raised by parents who witnessed WW2 and partition of the country, this mindset shift from him is the best gift he could give to me.
Here’s a closing note: Him and I have different points of view on almost everything. Yet, you will miss your father when he is gone. Love him despite the differences. No one would love you like him, and this comes from someone who is the biggest rebel to her father. 🤗
Yesterday was a day purposefully missed out on blog.
Played badminton with cousins after a really long time. Covid has brought all the memories of having fun with each other back.
Also attended two online classes of two people I admire a lot.
And said no to someone who has no sense of respecting someone else’s (and their own) time. Without letting them know. Felt great. Learnt better tactics.
Honestly I could have done that. But I wanted me time. Sadly, our society values and respects us only when we are “doing something” and not when we are chilling and spending time with family.
That’s sad. And we need to change it. How? A. By taking some me time. B. By not judging others when they take their own.
Society just doesn’t go for a bath and gets cleaner. We do it each day by what we do. And by what we choose not to do.
We need more people who understand us.
We need more people to respect us.
We need people who could see how hard we are working.
Amidst all of that, have we taken time to acknowledge our own journey?
And have we dug deep and acknowledged someone else?
If the answer to both these is yes, do we then really need someone to appreciate us?
Today I was supposed to meet some deadlines.
Then my niece came over, and she came specially to play with me.
So I had two choices – to scold her to come uninformed, or to play with her.
I did the latter.
Because you know what?
I have always stood by doing great work. So now I had a great bandwidth to delay.
It’s all about finding that balance. Do epic work to such a large extent, that when you don’t, it doesn’t make any difference:
For a kid, the parents would never abuse them.
Until they do. For every interaction they have with their kids.
The abuse, sadly, is something which could not be filtered for profanity because it does not use profane words.
It comes in mild words and powerful programming like:
“You won’t be able to do it.”
“Don’t do this. You will fail.”
“You are no good.”
Parents keep telling this to kids, until it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
None of us had a perfect childhood. That’s not the problem, that’s the solution.
Because now we have the pen to write the script. As difficult as it may sound, we all write our script daily.
We may choose the script today. Since it is presumably not going to be a repeated one, it is going to take efforts. Yet without efforts, do you want your today to be equally self abusive?
1. Watering plants makes you feel humbler and happier.
2. Your parents need nothing other than your presence.
3. Cleaning with wiper is both abs and back workout, sweeping the floor is a great cardio.
4. Home cooked chocolate cake is super delicious.
5. Life is wonderful without TV serials!
I love imli chutney. Whenever I go home, I just being a can filled with it, prepared by my Mom.
Since we are in the middle of a lockdown and I am unable to go home, today I asked Maa to teach me how to make chutney.
What she described as a process took me 90 minutes just to crush the tamarind! Pre and post processes notwithstanding.
Process. Journey. Of going through the crushing process. Of just going through it.
Going through it.
Yesterday I received a call from someone who usually does not talk with me. Also, I avoid talking with them because they consistently criticise me for my life choices. (Fun fact: This was not an ex :D)
However, instead of being more mindful, I happened to answer their call. And they followed suit – to give me opinions and tell why my life choices are not right.
This usually does not bother me, however the person on the other side was someone whom I respected in the past. A lot.
I finally hung down the phone and got myself back to normal through self-talk.
Today morning when I called up home, Papa asked: “Why are you appearing so out of place?”
While I ignored that question and drifted our conversation to other things, I finally told him everything.
Here’s how he responded to me:
1. You do not have to ignore their calls, just decide what you will pay attention to or what you will not pay attention to.
2. It may so happen that out of 10 bad things they say about you, one of those things really happen to turn out in your favour.
3. Learn to listen to critics, they are more valuable than friends, because they make you realise the importance of self-love.
Learning from wisdom and experience of elders truly collapses the learning curve.
PS: Love yourself, no one else is going to change their opinions to love you.
It’s a festival in India – Holi. It means a lot of us who work in metro cities are at home celebrating the festival with our families.
I had read somewhere once, “if you think you’re enlightened, try spending a week with your family.”
When we are going to spend time with our families, it’s going to be
– a conflict of opinion
– a need to gain validation from them no matter how much we know we aren’t going to get it
– most importantly, the need to get up and get indulged in our phones.
Avoid all of these, not only 1 and 3. All three.
You’ll be happier.
And leave your family happier.
Happy Holi folks!
Two of my friends, who are in their fifties, were sharing stories about their respective sons, who happen to be in their early twenties.
One friend, who sends money to his son every month, who is studying in the US, told that one day all of a sudden, his son asked for more money this month.
When asked about whether all was good, the son replied that he had a girlfriend and needed some money.
Few weeks later, when this son was back in India with his parents for a vacation, received a text from this girl. She breaks up, saying we are not right for each other. The son replies in assent, and also tells this to his parents.
The other friend, was telling the story of a day when her son had left strawberries at home before leaving for the day. She was quite worried as a mother as to what would the son do if he were hungry during the day.
Later during the day, the son texted a pic of him eating strawberries, that he had asked his girlfriend to bring along. He was calming her down, with the reassurance that he was being taken care of.
Both these instances left me thinking deeply.
To be candid for the first time in public, I was waiting for “him” to send that message to me that we are breaking off, yet never received one. Nor a call back.
That’s not the worst part. Worst part is, I was at home, with my parents, already suffering and unable to share my grief with them.
Because had I shared it with them, they would have either gotten super angry with me for “being in a relationship” or perhaps they would have told me to “forget him”.
Neither of those would’ve helped.
It was so easy for that son to tell his parents that his girlfriend had broken up. I wish it were equally easy for all of us, we would have had way lesser cases of depression and anxiety.
Love and acceptance is the only solution. Especially when they least deserve it.
Last night, as I reached home I quickly dug out Ramit Sethi’s book “I Will Teach You To Be Rich” from my library. Of course, the man himself was giving a talk in Delhi the next day, so it would’ve been a pleasure to get a signed copy.
As the morning would have it, I forgot to carry the book before leaving from home, and as I was driving, I decided not to go to the event. The lizard brain took over and said the excuses it has achieved a Ph. D. in giving:
“You’ve got a lot of work to do dude, do that first!”
“You could watch a ton of his videos online.”
“Sit back and meditate, and radiate good vibes to him.”
All of the above had started to seem so logical, when I was reminded of an instance when Ramit had travelled out of NYC to give an interview with Tim Ferris. Tim invited him for dinner with another entrepreneur, and Ramit instantly got his flight canceled and booked for the next day.
If Ramit could cancel his flight appointments and change his schedule, it made no sense for me to not go to the event being in Delhi itself.
So here did yours truly reach the event, and will share you all the takeaways from the wonderful two hours we all spent together, particularly that part of his which we don’t often get to see online.
Of course we did speak about creating our own versions of rich life, the way Ramit ignores the usual norm of ignoring the trolls, or how he stresses the importance of college education versus taking a course to drop out and make money.
All the above advice is super valuable, and has hugely shaped my perspectives about life, however I wanted to present to you something that you and I, as online spectators, couldn’t see.
Let’s dive right in:
1. The Unseen Side of India:
Ramit shared he visited India thrice in the last two years, and as he shared and keeps on sharing stories about his visits to India, people are pleasantly shocked to see it.
Since he has a global audience, particularly in the US, they never saw this side of India – where he was living in luxury hotels on one side, and exploring the best street food along with it.
When non-Indians look at this side of India and DM him about the fact that they wish to visit India because of these stories, it feels proud to listen this as an Indian. Padhaaro mhaare des! (Meaning: Welcome to my country!)
2. Ask, and you shall receive:
Ramit didn’t plan to have a meet-up in Delhi before flying off from the States. He bumped into a friend, and when he asked if Ramit was planning to have an event in Delhi, his answer remained the same.
While checking on his Instagram stories, I happened to DM him to organize a meet-up for Delhi people.
Today at the event, he said when 10-15 people sent him similar DMs, he finally decided to have an event.
Here’s the back-story: If you and I and a bunch of other people were those 15 people and we wouldn’t have DMed him, chances were, this event won’t have happened.
Do not question your actions if you are doing something good. You may never know how much of an impact it could make.
Also, don’t take a no on behalf of others. If they say yes, great! If they say no, no worries Bro, chill!
3. The Family Values:
One of the most intriguing things about this New York Times bestselling author was he brought his family along to the event.
That’s the real definition of an Influencer: who, in the process of influencing the world, does not take his family for granted to sitting back at home.
Maybe meeting us, his readers, was a part of his rich life, and he wanted his family to take the ride with him, instead of see him at a distance.
This may be an incomprehensible thing for a lot of us, especially for those who are not so close-knit with their families.
Maybe wearing their shoes and respectfully, showing them our side decisions, maybe that could move the needle. Family matters, and let your favourite influencer’s actions tell that loud to you.
4. The higher you rise, more humble you become:
The man was extremely polite and listening to all of us with patience
What’s new, you ask.
I’ve been to a ton of such events with people having way less followers and even money than what Ramit Sethi has, and they reply with anger and sometimes even rudeness.
Their body language does not show respect for the other person, maybe because the other person hasn’t achieved as much as they have.
Fortunately, you couldn’t see a trace of that rudeness in Ramit. He was listening to every one of us. Even if his mind he didn’t agree with someone on what they said, he didn’t take that as a license to be rude.
He even thanked someone who had purchased two of his online courses. (PS: He has a massive business with millions of readers, he didn’t need to thank. However, he did. Because it came out subconsciously. Because he meant it in the first place.)
Humanity is what you get to exchange first, and that should be an inevitable part of everyone’s rich life.
5. What’s the cost:
This is the question Ramit gets asked the most, for the luxury vacations he takes. In response to that, he invited us to consider:
What if cost was not the #1 thing on your priority list?
What if you did what you always wanted to do?
What if, it was really possible to turn the knob and learn to use money in a way you actually want to?
Here’s offering you a different perspective:
I’ve taken one of his paid courses, and in that, he also disclosed his hourly rates of consultation. Contrary to his huge rates, today’s event was free, with mandatory registration. And it was not a “B” grade event; rather it was in a co-working space in Saket, one of the costliest places in Delhi NCR.
If someone would’ve still considered cost, maybe they won’t have even swiped up on Ramit’s story to fill in the registration form.
If something is important to you, you find a way to get there.
You make the best of opportunities, you give away enormous value to your customers, and you make your version of rich life a priority instead of chucking it out altogether.
These were the visible things which everyone learnt in today’s event. On the top of it, here are some unspoken things that were more than appreciable:
1. Learning is a choice:
Had a small conversation with Ramit’s Mom, and she told me she settled in the US after getting married. All four of her kids were born there.
Here’s something she said that really hit a huge mark.
She said, that she also tried understanding and learning about the culture of US along with her kids; along with instilling family values in them. She and her husband didn’t try to impose everything from Indian culture to their kids, nor did they give up on teaching the tight and important knot of family values of Indian culture.
And today here she was, proudly telling me she is a ZTL student and also a blogger, because of her son. It felt powerful as well as touching to have this conversation about staying open, with no compromise on your core values.
2. Care at the core:
While I was having this conversation with Ramit’s Mom, Cass, Ramit’s wife walks up to us and hands over the cake which he had just been cut. This small gesture of kindness by Cass showed so well, of paying attention to people who are most important to you.
Not out of any selfish reasons, rather because you love them and you care. So you dig out a moment to do that extremely adorable gesture of giving a piece of cake.
In fact, Cass also flew down Ramit’s parents from California to New York when his picture along with his book made it to the Times Square in NYC. Love and care, over and above business lessons, was one of the most fascinating takeaways from today.
3. Fitness is superpower:
Ramit and Cass take damn great care of their health. Even though in some of his stories he posts about having paranthas or enjoying different meals, the couple still looked lean and perfectly fit. What I mean by this is, even when they are trying different cuisines and exploring different cultures, health does not take a back seat. Talk priorities. Talk rich life.
These were some of the visible and invisible lessons from today’s event, that was totally fun to be around.
And of course, event was followed by some selfies and book signings and winning the second edition of the book.
It’s powerful when you shut down your lizard brain and get into a room with such powerfully minded people. All the small things about people and things and checking social media, take a back seat, and out emerges a mind more focused on creating its own version of rich life.
One such event happened on a Tuesday (a.k.a. working day) at 3PM in New Delhi. Here’s to having many more such powerful events.
Till then, let me know which part of the event you liked the most and why. I’d love to see your side of the story.
1. Family is more important than work.
2. It is work which makes enjoyment with family special.
3. Eating sweets once a year is cool.
4. Now go enjoy, you’ve earned it.
What does success mean to you OTHER THAN achieving your goals?
It could be:
❇️To NOT TO TAKE hurt from hurt people.
❇️Replying your bestie with high energy no matter how #busy you are
❇️To call up your parents and talk with them sans losing patience (since with parents most people have right to do so)
❇️To check and post on Instagram only in the evening
❇️Get off the phone and savour the sunset / cool breeze screeching for attention
Emotional resilience is not only for a few.
It is a choice.
Since it is a choice, anyone can make it.
I was having this conversation with a client about why getting emotionally stronger is the most important thing today.
One of the questions I asked was what was one thing that took away their their happiness today?
Here’s what they responded:
“I had just had my last bite of lunch in office today, and as I finished, two colleagues came up.
In order to make sure they could get a table in peak lunch hours, one asked if I was not going to have a dessert (signalling me to get up).
As I got up with a frown on my face, the other colleague pulled away the chair immediately even without letting me get away from there.
This was so disrespectful.”
Totally agreed.
Btw, how many such people are we going to meet who do not care about what you care about? Perhaps many.
If we keep on allowing people to create holes in our happiness, we go to our family at the end of the day with this leaking bucket and not enjoy with them either.
Why not experiment the other way?
Decide what’s more important for you:
Losing your calm to “teach” them something they aren’t going to learn anyways
OR
Using your calm to teach yourself that your happiness and filled up bucket sans leakages and holes is most important thing for your most important people, i.e., your family.