Why is change so hard?

I returned to Delhi yesterday.
Was waiting for this for long.
Still, I miss Mom. And Papa. And kids. And the drama πŸ™‚

Change is hard. However, change is what we must.
Maybe I will go back. Maybe I won’t.

Not pronouncing any decision as of now.
But really trying to spend time with myself.

And telling myself, “It’s okay. You will get through this.”

A random moment of joy

Yesterday I was feeling typically heavy after my therapy session, which ended at 4 pm.

I went out of my room, and sat in the balcony with my Mom and 3 year old nephew.

We were talking random stuff. And having fun, because – kid πŸ™‚

And then, he randomly went to the kitchen, brought a plate and a spoon, and started banging them against each other.

Nishu Masi, dance!

Somehow, I got up and started dancing. And doing the cartwheel. He stopped banging. I stopped dancing. He started banging. I started dancing.

Lasted for 5 minutes. But something I will remember forever.

No lesson to derive from. All good. Just life. And moments worth remembering.

Exhaustion

Exhaustion, even physical, is mental exhaustion.

Btw, today my therapist said something quite cool: Even though you did something that was not legit, your pain, your emotions, what you went through was legit.

You did what you knew best. Now you know better, so now you are doing better. But then that is what you knew the best. And you did whatever you could.

Then what’s the point of blaming yourself for something that you did with lack of awareness years ago?

That was helpful. And exhausting as well maybe. But sort of loving our sessions πŸ™‚

A letter to God

I was listening to a spiritual song this morning, and its words stuck with me.

Here’s replicating it. Enjoy!

Chalte chalte, mujhe koi mil gaya hai, mujhe koi mil gaya hai
Mere saath chalte chalte

Wahi geeta bas gayi hai
Mera bhagya bante bante

Nayi duniya ban rahi hai
Shreemat par chalte chalte

Shreemat par chalte chalte

Chali gayi hai saari chinta, chintaaein chupke chupke

Ye jyoti jal gayi hai, ye jyoti jal rahi hai

Sab intezaam taiyaar, sukh dhaam nahi door

Experience this song here, and you will never be alone ever again.

Making of a Manager 5.0

About hiring:

  1. Don’t make a decision while getting drifted by emotions
  2. Send a regret email + feedback
  3. Care, but understand that you cannot hire everyone
  4. Sometimes wishing for the best for your team means saying a lot of no.

About trust:

  1. Take a lot of time to trust anyone who has broken your trust before.
  2. Tell this to them
  3. Even when you trust again, verify.

About negativity:

  1. Even if someone in the team is performing negatively, talking to others would NEVER solve it.
  2. If you can’t resist, write it down. But NEVER talk to anyone about it.
  3. What you think radiates before what you talk.

What I’ve been loving about life

If I go back to Nishtha of 5 years back, I would be ambitious. having a list of goals, wanting to go to TED, 30 Under 30, and certainly a Maybach.

Right now, I’m enjoying the process.

I’m working super hard.

I love my work.

I take my breaks.

All of this is so fulfilling, that the need for validation just goes away. It just does.

And what is left with, is the feeling of letting go of the need of success.

The success that you feel, when you let go of the need of success, is true success!

My father started working at 6!

Earlier this month my father completed 40 years of his shop.

He’s 67, and had already worked in multiple “jobs”, before “starting on his own”. Here’s a journey of his work, starting from age 6!

1. Worked for FREE in a bakery at the age of 6, used to get crushed powder of toasts as daily “stipend”

2. Worked at two general stores in later summer vacations at school.
He was so much into cleanliness that once the shop owner’s bag of cash fell off from a higher shelf!
Guess what, my father had such a repute of honesty that the shopkeeper never changed its place!

3. Worked at a readymade garments shop as he “grew up” πŸ™‚

4. Worked at a crockery of a relative, created a huge repute and profit for them, however, later the relative had to sell it off due to financial crunch

5. Worked as a typist at the age of 18, at one of the reputed shops in our city

6. Got placed at a factory by his employer, where he almost died by sinking in a pit while riding his cycle back home, and “someone magically appeared from nowhere” and saved him! Yes, he and a friend went to search for cycle the next day and got it πŸ™‚

7. He found refute that day at a nearby factory, which later hired him. That factory was JK Paper Mills. He was even hired by DCM, Waterworks, and all the factories but he was underage!

8. Along with working at JK, he opened his shop on 05 August 1981. Used to work there in the mornings and nights.

9. Quit his job in October 1982, while his kids were 3 and 4 respectively. Talk risk!!

10. When he started, his shop was in a narrow street. His Uncle, in 1983, suggested to buy one of the new shops coming up at the main road. He didn’t have the deposit money. The bakery shop owner, with whom my father used to work “for free”, lent him the advance deposit. Till date, our shop is exactly at the same place.

11. Not to mention, he also used to do “flipping” by getting socks, watches from Delhi and selling them in our home town in Kota. However, he felt he wasn’t playing it ethical by showing a low-quality item as shiny and that was unfair to customers’ money.

Last year, as I was freelancing, I had once suddenly lost a high-ticket client. One morning I was sitting in my room and thinking, I saw my father doing his prayer rituals as usual.

He was as tensionless, as free and as “let life come as it wants to” attitude on his face.
If 40 years of business could keep him tension free, I had no right to get tensed that day.

That day, my father gave me hope.
Today as I asked him this entire story, he gave me the power of resilience.
And every day, he gives me the power of love by getting apples / mangoes for me (instead of bakery stuff that both my parents love :D)

We are not the best of friends, but he accepts me when I’m doing a headstand in the middle of the room, and I accept him when he “turns on auto-download” of WhatsApp forwarded pics, and together, we all are imperfectly perfect!

Just as we should be πŸ™‚