Exhaustion

Exhaustion, even physical, is mental exhaustion.

Btw, today my therapist said something quite cool: Even though you did something that was not legit, your pain, your emotions, what you went through was legit.

You did what you knew best. Now you know better, so now you are doing better. But then that is what you knew the best. And you did whatever you could.

Then what’s the point of blaming yourself for something that you did with lack of awareness years ago?

That was helpful. And exhausting as well maybe. But sort of loving our sessions 🙂

Can’t talk! Just can’t!!

A startup founder reached out to me on LinkedIn, stating she was full of gratitude for what I did and how I was kind to her on her posts. She ended the DM requesting me to get on a call.

Bro, I am someone who has her phone notifications off since eternity, has never changed her phone ringtone since 2015 (when I first got my smartphone) and I am about to tell my boss that I will take only 2 interviews per day, because if I speak more than that, I will not feel energetic 🙂

So I responded to her, requesting to “strike the conversation” in the DMs itself, and told her the truth.

No response as yet. Anyway, the joy of saying no which you don’t want to do, is always unparallel! :))

Why do we get sad?

The reason for getting sad is never the real reason.

The loss.
The no.
The rejection.
The lack.
The “never”.

These are not the real reasons. They are just drapes to cover up the original reasons.

The real reason is we are crying for something deeper.
We believe we don’t matter.
We think that our work doesn’t make an impact.
Or our presence doesn’t make anyone happy.
Or that everything will be happy even if we left.
Or perhaps that there will never be a tomorrow.

That is the real thing that makes us sad.

Think through it about what made you sad recently.
The reason was one of these.

However, the truth of life is this:


YOU matter.
YOU are important.
YOUR work makes a difference.

YOUR absence would make things difficult.

YOU are needed.

This holds true irrespective of what ANYONE tells you.

Pause for a moment to read this.

One art that makes all the difference

If there is one skill to learn forever, it is the skill to say “no”.

No to the colleague who makes fun of our values.
No to the activities that you don’t want to sign up for.
No to the client that anyway doesn’t respect your material.

However, the people that say the most “no’s” are the people that say a lot of “yes” to the right things. And if we have not mastered the art of saying no to others, we are ultimately saying “no” to ourselves. Is that the life you want to live?

That strange DM

Today I received a LinkedIn DM from an old school mate.

Nothing real, just very small talk to strike a conversation.

And I decided to ignore it.

Not because I had some expectations of him and he had shattered them.

Rather because how long?

How long will we keep basing our dopamine on random DMs from strangers?

How long will we keep wasting our time in pursuits that cumulatively waste days from our years?

How long will we allow someone else to decide when will we be available on social and they steer the conversation?

The best people live on the edge of saying no. That’s where everything happens.

To listen to “yes’s” saying hundreds of “no’s” is the most important thing. Sometimes even in a day.

Yes versus no

Yes. No.

Most people want the first answer to everything they do.

A few want the second one as well, especially in the absence of no response.

We all work in teams. Even if you are a solopreneur, you work with your clients, partners, etc.

And a great team is built by communication.

Here’s some of the best ways of communication:

  1. When you want to say yes: Say yes, and few more words to show your appreciation, such as: “Go ahead!”, “Good to go!” “Perfect!” What these words will do, is let them know that they are contributing meaningfully.
  2. When two or more people come together, they are bound to have different opinions, and we may want to say no as well. Here are some cardinal rules of saying no:
  • Never use the word “no”. Rather suggest, how it could be done.
  • Appreciate the parts that work. There is always something that works.
  • Always keep reinforcing the fact that the person is great, the work needs changes and then we are good to go.

Here’s the reason of this blog, and why practising this difficult exercise of “not saying no” even when the answer is no, is super important:

A. Most people are already suffering at an emotional level. Even if you think they aren’t, still they are. One more disapproval, is too big a thing for an already tired mind.

B. The goal of any business, any team, any work, is to make things better. If we are making things better and making people worse, we are simply accumulating opposite of blessings into our business. That karma, has to come back some day.

C. People want to know the response. Learn to say no gracefully instead of giving no response. No communication is the best miscommunication.

The most used word

Make “no” the word you use the most.

Not disgracefully or in a disrespectful manner. Rather, in a humble manner.

The way you can get ahead is by going ahead of what isn’t serving you.

How do you know what isn’t serving you? By checking how you feel.

“Your feeling small doesn’t change the world,” said Marianne Williamson.

Remember you are a child of God, as she said. And God’s kids are supposed to be happy, by taking care not to let sadness enter in.

Right?

PS: If you’re struggling with your happiness, do check out this podcast, it may be of help to you.

The ability to say no

You could be a meaningful specific or a wandering generality,” said Zig Ziglar.

The internet with its many names, has made anyone, possible to reach anyone.

How we figure out to use the Internet, is up to us.

You cannot be and do everything, unless you  have a dedicated team to curate your contenet and distribute it to various platforms.

The solution, then, is to build a solid social media presence on one or two platforms.

For the rest, even if you  post less frequently, it’s okay. A part of maturity is acceptance of the fact that NOT everyone is your audience.

The bigger maturity is that you are going to be loved and revered when you master the art of saying no (gracefully).