Love is like a plant, it is supposed to blossom.
In the initial years, it requires a lot of care to grow. If we are careful about that for at least a decade, it will automatically nurture itself later. Then it would become the strong tree, that gives shade and does not require much of nurturing.
But if we don’t nurture it in the start, it does wither. And slowly goes away.
Coming to the question: Does love die? Of course it does. When we don’t nurture the first few years with care and trust, be it in any relationship, nothing is left. If it is a relationship we cannot run away from, such as family, we learn to accept them – but there is hardly any connection. If there is a relationship that we can go away from – a partner, friend, business relationship – the best we could do for them is bless them!
Love, btw, begins with yourself. But that’s for another day.
One of my closest friend in school brought up this topic once. We were just seated in our bus after school, and were waiting for everyone else to come.
“Nishtha,” she said, “you know what, I am ashamed to admit it, however it’s true a woman is another woman’s biggest enemy.”
Years later, her words are making me reflect deeply these days.
We talk about gender inequality, equal rights for women at home, sharing of responsibilities at home, etc., and yes men do need to wake and shake themselves up, however a lot of women don’t feel they deserve the good that men are entitled to.
So, if you are someone (man or a woman) who believes in equality, start with not saying these five things to any woman you respect or would want to be respected.
It’ll make the world better for your daughters and sisters.
Someone said something mean to you. Someone dear to you.
A friend asked you to work for free for them, something for which you charge in six figures.
You did your 150% in a job and still your manager found flaws in your work.
All these things seem mean. And they are, undoubtedly.
The one on the other side has taken an extreme position without thinking of what you are going through or what efforts you would have put in.
They shouldn’t have done this. I understand.
However, the reality of life is that people will continue doing things or saying things that are mean or not tilted in our favour. That has been happening since eternity and will continue happening.
Will you allow yourself to be hurt every single time?
Will you allow them to take your mental space every single time?
Will you never show compassion towards yourself like you show towards others?
My friend, you are so powerful that you can bless even those who not only say mean things, rather are conspiring against you. Just don’t allow that trash to be accumulated in your mind and see the difference!
It will take hard work. It will require patience. It will ask you to be the best of yourself.
But being the worst version of yourself by getting affected wasn’t the best way to live your life either! Isn’t it?
Remember how I wrote about a neighbourhood Uncle a few days back, and how he used to address me Moti?
Well, today morning we bumped into each other again, and what followed was magical! (Okay, not magical, yet surprising :D)
- He didn’t address me like that
- Which indeed made me talk to him for a while
- And then he started his usual Uncle kinda talks to say: “When are you going back to Delhi (I would’ve told you if I knew the answer), “Do you have a vacancy for CA in Delhi (There are hazaar vacancies, however, this is not how life works bro); and my nephew in Ahmedabad is looking for a job (Will he really listen to a female helping him to search a job? – I’d love to help, if he is willing to be helped :D)
Chalo, the essence of this post was that now both that Uncle and me are away from our “addressing” me blatantly issues to the usual ones 🙂
Aal is well!
Ten things we should never say to women:
- How much money do you make?
- Here, take my credit card.
- What will you gain by learning sports?
- When are you planning to get married, all good guys will run out…
- Get a facial regularly to look beautiful (lolll, wasn’t beauty an inner function)
- Instead of (current) career, try this. It will help you settle down.
- If you can make time to go to the gym daily, why can’t you do household chores?
- You should try taking a class in Bollywood dance.
- You should quit what you are doing right now, because you’ve failed once.
- You cook really well, your husband will be a lucky man…
- (Bonus): I will drive the car.
And the NO-NO of all, speaking in a loud, dominating voice.
It breaks my heart to see that a LOT of educated, well-respected in corporate lives men do a lot of these. They won’t be able to control the women who want to live on their own terms, however, only end up losing their own respect.
Lesson: Chill, bro! Use the big thing in your skull called the brain.
There is someone in my circle who comes across as a very sorted, chilled out person.
They are least affected by all the hype happening at work or in someone else’s life, don’t respond to extreme events, and enjoy their work the most.
Very recently, someone in the group asked them what was the biggest personal lesson of 2020.
You’ll be stunned at the response!
“I realize I am the biggest source of stress in my life.” They went on to say that in the nine months of Covid alone, they had developed more grey hair than all the past years combined together.
It made me think. I always used to think of her as a chilled out, I-don’t-give-a-damn kind of person. Maybe they are that. However, just because someone doesn’t show it, that doesn’t mean they aren’t carrying a heavy load.
For some people, the very nature of not showing is their way of dealing with their load.
Aceeptance, not judgement, opens the doors of empathy from us to them, instead of we pigeonholing them as ruthless.
Each human is suffering, and the best way to save them is acknowledge it first, instead of judging them
Negative things about getting a positive life
1. Honesty is an expensive gift. Don’t expect it from cheap people.
– Warren Buffet
2. When people show you who they are, believe them.
– Maya Angelou
3. The best way to deal with corporate politics is to live by and speak your truth. It will make you undefeatable.
4. People will play games against you. Worry not, for they not know against whom are they playing the real game.
5. Don’t trust your extremely good or bad moods. What happens in the middle – your intuitions, people’s behaviours, what you want to do – that is the real stuff.
Some small reflections about life, that were sadly not as positive, however, very important to inch towards positivity and not being affected by the negativity of others.
Everyone has a dark side.
I am good to you, but maybe I am not the same way to everyone, where I should be.
Someone is a good boss, but he fires one of his employees after every half a year.
A human being talks about culture, yet fails to maintain it for themselves.
What should we do when do have a dark side?
Here’s what: Think about challenging your beliefs in solitude. It would be hard, but then you would not be hard on others.
Last Friday, a founder and CEO of one of the groundbreaking startups in India approached me on LinkedIn. He wanted to speak to me for writing content for them.
When I responded to their DM to know more about the work, his first response was: “Thanks for the response,” and then we talked further.
Who does that in a mean world? Such a kind soul! He could write a social media post and get 100’s of writers in less than an hour, and still responding me with kindness? Wow!
So we spoke further and scheduled a meeting three days hence.
Almost two-and-a-half hours prior to the meeting, he sent me an email informing the meeting had to be inadvertently cancelled due to a family emergency. Not only that, he ensured to DM me on LinkedIn as well.
Of course, I understood and replied with an understanding and affirmative response.
That’s not the point. The point is he did not “need” to inform me before not showing up for a meeting, yet he informed me at two places – that too when it was a family emergency.
So so sooo fortunate to be working with such generous and kind folks. People who value the time and work of others just as theirs and not taking their art for granted are a priceless asset. Always.
Just that I got lucky, because the world doesn’t owe us anything. All the kindness and ease from clients like him is always a blessing to be bestowed upon. If you are one such kind soul reading this, thank you to you too! You rock <3 🙂
We had gone for an official team retreat. Most of us were staying in Noida, and we had gone for a 2D 1N stay in a resort in Gurgaon. The team was packed in 3-4 cars, one of which was mine. I was prepared to listen to the female-driver jokes, because not getting affected by them had become a forte by then.
I remember we had halted at a place, and the male colleague got out of the back seat and came to the driving seat to me, and said he will drive. That was rude, however in a society that anyway screws female drivers, this was a normal meme material. I politely refused, stating that I love driving long distances, and I wanted to drive.
While I did get a “chance” to drive, why am I sharing this story with you today?
Because when we say we need equal rights for women, et al, we need to remember that most often women willingly give up their rights.
Having the awareness to respectfully refuse, is the Super Power we didn’t even know existed.
Stand for yourself, people! How will anyone help you out if you aren’t in a position to help yourself out?