One thing women must NOT do

Think of a scene in a household.

A millennial / GenZ is working on their laptop.

Mom is working on her things.

They are not talking. Not out of anger. Just because they’re chill.

Now imagine this.

Today, the Mom has gone to her Mom’s place.

Dad is at home because of evening curfew.

All of a sudden he feels alone.

Because guess what? The millennial kid is still working, nothing changed.

All of a sudden Dad felt he and his presumed “importance” were not catered to.

We do this so often, so much, that we even forget we do this.

What? The need to make men not feel alone.

That’s why shy girls speak more when around men. Just to comfort them.

Or daughters try to please Dads. Just because of this subconscious need to not make him feel alone.

Or why overriding a man’s instructions in office has to be supported with reasons.

If there is one thing women must not do, is this: Try to please men. It is so so so deep-rooted that we think it is our love for them, however, it is in reality rooting to that nature of not letting silence do the talking.

For females – in formal and personal relationships, we do a lot of talking through silence.
For males – in all relationships, you do not need to do the talking.

Just be. Who you are. In every relationship. Irrespective of the gender of the person you’re speaking to.

Ten things never to say to women

Ten things we should never say to women:

  1. How much money do you make?
  2. Here, take my credit card.
  3. What will you gain by learning sports?
  4. When are you planning to get married, all good guys will run out…
  5. Get a facial regularly to look beautiful (lolll, wasn’t beauty an inner function)
  6. Instead of (current) career, try this. It will help you settle down.
  7. If you can make time to go to the gym daily, why can’t you do household chores?
  8. You should try taking a class in Bollywood dance.
  9. You should quit what you are doing right now, because you’ve failed once.
  10. You cook really well, your husband will be a lucky man…
  11. (Bonus): I will drive the car.

And the NO-NO of all, speaking in a loud, dominating voice.

It breaks my heart to see that a LOT of educated, well-respected in corporate lives men do a lot of these. They won’t be able to control the women who want to live on their own terms, however, only end up losing their own respect.

Lesson: Chill, bro! Use the big thing in your skull called the brain.

That drive from Noida to Gurgaon

May 2017.

We had gone for an official team retreat. Most of us were staying in Noida, and we had gone for a 2D 1N stay in a resort in Gurgaon. The team was packed in 3-4 cars, one of which was mine. I was prepared to listen to the female-driver jokes, because not getting affected by them had become a forte by then.

I remember we had halted at a place, and the male colleague got out of the back seat and came to the driving seat to me, and said he will drive. That was rude, however in a society that anyway screws female drivers, this was a normal meme material. I politely refused, stating that I love driving long distances, and I wanted to drive.

While I did get a “chance” to drive, why am I sharing this story with you today?

Because when we say we need equal rights for women, et al, we need to remember that most often women willingly give up their rights.

Having the awareness to respectfully refuse, is the Super Power we didn’t even know existed.

Stand for yourself, people! How will anyone help you out if you aren’t in a position to help yourself out?

Men have that urge more!

I was talking with a male friend, who was sharing his story of how he did not want to pursue career of his parents’ choice.

He shared how at a point of time he was frustrated at taking money from his parents, so he decided to switch what from what his parents wanted to do, to something non-conventional.

While he shared this resistance to take money from his parents, he added: “Men are more likely to have this urge to be out on their own, and not take money from parents.”

Dude what do you think of women?

I have never taken money from my parents in the last five years.

How can you do this gender discrimination when you don’t know how women think like?

That’s what the feminist inside of me wanted to tell him. And he would have heard it and even said sorry perhaps.

Yet I decided to stay shut up and not say a word in retaliation.

Here’s why:

• World is not changed by anger. Even if you’re right, anger dilutes your stance.

• He was not wrong, he just hasn’t adopted the mindset of how an independent woman would like to be treated. Maybe he is showing that he considers himself to be “the man” who has the right to extraordinarily, so be it. It should not lower my respect for him as an individual, rather it should tell me how to deal with him going forward.

• Most importantly, my father who is the most important man in my life, treats me and my sisters with the best love and respect he could ever give. That’s what is one of my greatest assets.

Be grateful for what you have, don’t walk out in the world with a sword in your hand.

And change the world with your existence, not with your excitement.