Think of an unhappy person around you.
Most probably, they would have a constant reason for unhappiness in their life – a job, a relationship, anything they hate.
Then, go back to the time when that relationship / job didn’t exist. Before that, there was something else that kept them unhappy.
It turns out, being unhappy is never dependent on life situations. It is always a factor of how you deal with life situations.
I have seen happy people boldly get out of jobs they didn’t like. Meanwhile, they still made sure to be happy at it.
I have seen happy people be happy despite the pay cuts during the pandemic. Because they chose to be happy.
Also, I have seen unhappy people get more dissatisfied by the day, despite all they needed was there and was getting bigger.
The more we realise happiness is a choice, the more will we be able to make the choice of being happy.
This was a random question by one of my smart school friends on one of my tweets.
It got me thinking.
Not to think of what to respond, rather to think of where we have landed ourselves.
We want evidences of thoughts we think intuitively.
We want to buy a car recommended by most people.
We want to wear the brand our boss wears because subconsciously it would make us look cool in front of him.
We want to send our kid to the school that promises best education, unmindful of the fact that the best schooling happens at home.
We want to…
All these are good wants. But that’s all they are. Wants.
They override the innate need that we all have: Needs.
One of our fundamental human needs is listening to our intuition. It will never have evidences. Nor does it want any. It is full by itself not having to want (or need) any validation.
There’s a country where citizens become organ donors by default on attaining a certain age. It’s a law. They can choose to opt out if they want to, however, they will be in the last priority for consideration as organ recipients.
However, this is not possible in developing countries where there are fights on basic things like bank accounts or food and shelter.
There is nothing wrong or right. It is just the culture that pushes people to think certain way. It’s the reason why desis act like firangs in the countries of firangs. The culture gets it done from them.
This pretty much explains why we do what we do, and why is it impossible to change people without their prior choice or change of culture.
Someone who grew up in corporate culture does not know the nuances of starting up at all. Perhaps an eighteen year old knows more.
Someone who grew up in an Omkara apartment in Worli Mumbai won’t ever understand the nitty-gritties of arranging the basic things in most households.
Someone who meditates at dawn daily won’t love the culture of drinking till sunrise in Goa. They just aren’t that.
People aren’t wrong. They are just different. Simply due to changes in the people we are surrounded by.
While we cannot control whom we are surrounded by unless we make some drastic changes, we can always change whom we are surrounded by online.
Since humans spend a lot of time online, we have the choice to think like the people of the country where becoming an organ donor is mandatory.
We always have a choice.
LOL technically means Laugh Out Loud.
However, I use it as lessons of life.
So this is how we will use them whenever I want to share life lessons
- Protect your days. That is all you have.
- There is no “urgent” mail. Trust yourself.
- Keep your good word.
- Keep your good word to yourself.
- Read point 4 and 5 again.
Wish you a great time, wherever you are 🙂
Some life lessons that helped me today, might do that to you as well:
- Communicate. Don’t think this is obvious. People don’t love surprises, and so won’t we when we will realise our assumptions didn’t exist with them.
- People need love. Even when they give you hate. Once you get to this balance of giving them despite what they give you, you will be unconquerable.
- There is no black and white. Try looking for grey things, that will help you out.
- NOTHING can substitute learning from good books and knowledge each day. Each day.
- If you want to look and feel young, work yourself out! Same applies to the mind 🙂
Negative things about getting a positive life
1. Honesty is an expensive gift. Don’t expect it from cheap people.
– Warren Buffet
2. When people show you who they are, believe them.
– Maya Angelou
3. The best way to deal with corporate politics is to live by and speak your truth. It will make you undefeatable.
4. People will play games against you. Worry not, for they not know against whom are they playing the real game.
5. Don’t trust your extremely good or bad moods. What happens in the middle – your intuitions, people’s behaviours, what you want to do – that is the real stuff.
Some small reflections about life, that were sadly not as positive, however, very important to inch towards positivity and not being affected by the negativity of others.
With the mental health issues going to peak ten days back, I deliberately started taking extra care of myself.
Here’s what I realised:
- At the core of every mental health issue, is the need for happiness.
- When I didn’t get it, I felt a chaos in my mind.
- I almost (read: always) believed that if I am good to everyone, they should also be good to me. Unmindful of the fact, that everyone is going through the chaos in their minds as well (including our families)
- Taking care of yourself is something you will have to do. Otherwise we will always be dependent on the mood swings of others – and that is never a balanced place to settle on.
- Being happy is NOT a sin. Okay? Read it again if it was not clear to you.
Here’s what I have started doing now:
- Given up the need to impress everyone and make them happy. I have realised that even if I am happy and doing things to make them happy, if someone makes a conscious or unconscious choice to be upset, they will. Don’t take anyone personally.
- Love yourself like that is your job#1. For most people, this job even doesn’t make it to the list of their jobs.
- Stop justifying your actions all the time. I do not give a damn to what anyone else says yet don’t know how during this lockdown I started craving for the validation of my family. If you feel truthful and real in your work, you have done your job well. Anything and anyone that takes you away from peace is the one worth going away from.
- Imagine the best outcome. We all are the creators of our experiences. What we are today, is what we had imagined yesterday.
- This one is important. Treat people well even if you don’t listen to them or you know they are toxic. They are being them, and for whatever little time they get to hang around you, make sure to be kind to them. They are fighting a tough battle. Just like I needed people with my mental health issues, I realised they will also need kind people so that mental health issues don’t sink into them.
The journey is hard. Only if I label it so. Remember – creators of our experiences? Now I have unabashedly started living for my own happiness – without hurting others, however, not allowing anyone to enter that bubble and burst it.
Flip rotis with patience.
Eat with patience.
Drink water with patience.
Warm-up and cool down with patience.
Also, be patient with yourself – because if being critical could help, it would have helped by now.
When in doubt, don’t act.
Let things be.
Ask yourself the right questions.
Seek more wisdom.
Act, when you’re fully confident and in a peaceful state of mind – neither too happy nor too sad.