Mark Manson asked a question on Twitter today: List three things you wish you understood 10 years ago.
Here’s my response:
1. To say no in a potential relationship, where you know it ain’t going to work, is power.
2. Invest in equity.
3. Build a community.
PS: I was already working out, meditating, reading books and eating right at that point. So missed out these basics 🙂
There’s a country where citizens become organ donors by default on attaining a certain age. It’s a law. They can choose to opt out if they want to, however, they will be in the last priority for consideration as organ recipients.
However, this is not possible in developing countries where there are fights on basic things like bank accounts or food and shelter.
There is nothing wrong or right. It is just the culture that pushes people to think certain way. It’s the reason why desis act like firangs in the countries of firangs. The culture gets it done from them.
This pretty much explains why we do what we do, and why is it impossible to change people without their prior choice or change of culture.
Someone who grew up in corporate culture does not know the nuances of starting up at all. Perhaps an eighteen year old knows more.
Someone who grew up in an Omkara apartment in Worli Mumbai won’t ever understand the nitty-gritties of arranging the basic things in most households.
Someone who meditates at dawn daily won’t love the culture of drinking till sunrise in Goa. They just aren’t that.
People aren’t wrong. They are just different. Simply due to changes in the people we are surrounded by.
While we cannot control whom we are surrounded by unless we make some drastic changes, we can always change whom we are surrounded by online.
Since humans spend a lot of time online, we have the choice to think like the people of the country where becoming an organ donor is mandatory.
We always have a choice.
It is said that when you make something public, there are far greater chances of you getting back on course with things that aren’t serving you.
So, here’s me trying to document my day.
Not sure if I could document everything, but here’s the good and the parts to be changed.
To be changed:
- Checked phone @5:30. Bad choice Nishtha. If you check your phone before 8AM, it will be an addiction throughout the day.
- Did not like the baingan ka bhartha that Mom made. So made myself a gud ki roti and an ajwain parantha with curd for lunch. Though it was yum, no veggies means no satisfaction, so look for veggies in lunch next time.
- Boss had asked for social media content for next week. I got better from last week, but not up to the mark. Need to work more on it.
Good things that happened:
- Was able to reach halfway through the wall-headstand in yoga.
- Attended the YouTube team call and the inherent feeling of inferiority complex was resolved, because I work with a fab boss who thrives on giving respect to all:)
- Submitted client’s content for next week and did something he hadn’t expected. Fingers crossed:)
- Walking to the meditation center daily. Because it’s cold and the movement will bring in some heat, and it’s damn cold to ride a two-wheeler in winters.
- Had a video call with my sis and nephew. Don’t know why, but that’s good anyway!
- Made matar paneer + rice for dinner. Hadn’t eaten a veggie since the morning bruh…
- Yesterday’s IG reel was loved more than expected. Looking forward to more love.
Hmm…that was fun. I should be doing more of these. Makes life accountable.
Alright then, see you tomorrow.
Till then, take great care peops!
With the mental health issues going to peak ten days back, I deliberately started taking extra care of myself.
Here’s what I realised:
- At the core of every mental health issue, is the need for happiness.
- When I didn’t get it, I felt a chaos in my mind.
- I almost (read: always) believed that if I am good to everyone, they should also be good to me. Unmindful of the fact, that everyone is going through the chaos in their minds as well (including our families)
- Taking care of yourself is something you will have to do. Otherwise we will always be dependent on the mood swings of others – and that is never a balanced place to settle on.
- Being happy is NOT a sin. Okay? Read it again if it was not clear to you.
Here’s what I have started doing now:
- Given up the need to impress everyone and make them happy. I have realised that even if I am happy and doing things to make them happy, if someone makes a conscious or unconscious choice to be upset, they will. Don’t take anyone personally.
- Love yourself like that is your job#1. For most people, this job even doesn’t make it to the list of their jobs.
- Stop justifying your actions all the time. I do not give a damn to what anyone else says yet don’t know how during this lockdown I started craving for the validation of my family. If you feel truthful and real in your work, you have done your job well. Anything and anyone that takes you away from peace is the one worth going away from.
- Imagine the best outcome. We all are the creators of our experiences. What we are today, is what we had imagined yesterday.
- This one is important. Treat people well even if you don’t listen to them or you know they are toxic. They are being them, and for whatever little time they get to hang around you, make sure to be kind to them. They are fighting a tough battle. Just like I needed people with my mental health issues, I realised they will also need kind people so that mental health issues don’t sink into them.
The journey is hard. Only if I label it so. Remember – creators of our experiences? Now I have unabashedly started living for my own happiness – without hurting others, however, not allowing anyone to enter that bubble and burst it.
To break the norms does not mean break the legal norms and go murder the person you’ve desperately wanting to do for years.
Breaking the norms, may seem useful (and powerful) when you break the ones that are not serving you, like:
- You may choose to go workout instead of making tea for someone who is already busy getting obese. (Love begins with the one in the mirror.)
- You may choose to get up from a boring meeting and come back after a 10-minute walk (your mind and body get recharged by missing out on irrelevant stuff.)
- You may choose to cook a ten-minute khichdi versus waiting for a quick 30-minute calorie filled home delivery.
- You may choose to send that email you know you have been waiting to send, versus scrolling a meme page on Instagram.
- You may choose to do a quick reading of at least two pages, versus listening to gossips of others on your metro ride.
You have tonnes of norms to break, that aren’t serving the society. More than that, you.
Will you break the norms for You?
There’s this pool you want to jump into.
But on the outside, it looks too deep, too dangerous, perhaps terminal to jump into.
Hey, wait…you know that voice that’s telling you it’s dangerous, because you surely know it isn’t yours.
It’s the voice of people who are sitting at the back, and haven’t ever had the audacity to even walk up to the edge of the pool.
You clearly know it isn’t your voice.
Then a strange thing happens.
You jump into the pool, and realise it wasn’t that deep or that terrific at all.
Maybe sitting back on recliners and boohoo-ing isn’t so peaceful and powerful as jumping in feels like.
Now that you’re able to navigate that pool, here’s my question to you: “What if, the pool is actually too deep and dangerous, and is tougher than you thought?
Isn’t jumping in still better, so you develop your skills to the next level, instead of staying away from arena for the rest of your life?”
Isn’t jumping in still better than reclining?