Life lessons – 18 Aug 2020

1. Maturity in life is accepting that someone in family that was closest to you dome day, isn’t close anymore.

2. When you don’t check an email / notification immediately because it isn’t important, you become more powerful. (PS: 95% aren’t important.)

3. Speak your truth even when your voice shakes. The only person going to be with you from start of life to end is you, and if you don’t speak your truth, do you really want to live with a liar all your life?

4. Parkinson’s Law is as real as gravity.

5. Focus. Focus. Focus is the ultimate asset.

Does the culture of your company matter?

woman sharing her presentation with her colleagues

Today I saw a dance video of a friend of mine. She apparently was dancing with her college gang. Their energy, sync in moves, facial expressions and body language – revealed more than words ever could.

Here’s what my little knowledge of psychology tells me:

  • The people we surround ourselves with determine who we become.
  • Even they didn’t know that their friends play so important role in their happiness.
  • It is the best thing if we choose our people wisely, and if we don’t that’s a doom on us.

But why are we talking about this?

Because I was a star player in my first job because I was nurtured that way.

In my second job, things changed drastically because:

  • I asked a lot of questions, which made my manager believe I am getting too excited and I don’t know anything.
  • I was always happy and booming with joy, which was also perceived as a sign of dumbness.
  • Most importantly, there was once a trainer who was invited to our office. Those days my manager wasn’t talking to me (yes, that also happened!) because I had taken two days off owing to ill health. My work was in sync, so I attended the one-hour zumba session that the trainer conducted.

And damn, after that session it was a guilty feeling that encircled me. The feeling that I should have sat stuck at my desk because my boss would like it – I just didn’t want to be limited by that feeling so I attended the Zumba session. And more than anything else, it was organized by the HR of the company, and I, inter alia, received a formal email from her for attending the session.

This was just one instance, I could lay at least ten such instances that made me feel small in the organisation. Btw, instead of teaching me how to solve difficult problems, my manager used to ask me: “Will you be able to do it?” This wasn’t because I had proved my inability to him, it was because in our informal conversations he always highlighted how he felt men were more apt to doing this job.)

Was I wrong? Yes, in the desire of joining that organisation, I was wrong. Was I wrong in my stint at that workplace? Well, only if curiosity and cheerfulness are wrong.

In a fortunate tale of events, my leader did not like me and asked me to “look for further opportunities” because I didn’t fit the bill of fitting in.

I did get out of the organisation, and it was the best thing that happened to me.

Now, before we conclude, there were some good things in the organisation:

  • They did provide me bread and butter
  • The operations and sales team were driven to meet the customer needs, always
  • We had a break of one month after working for two months (good as well as not so good as all drive was lost).
  • My manager (yes the one who stopped talking to me) was cool and calm (sadly not driving me to performance.)
  • He said he felt bad about the leader asking me to leave, and it was all in good intent. He treated me like his daughter and perhaps because of which never bothered enough to make me bold enough to face the muddy waters of the job which is of the most importance to perform.

But this post isn’t necessarily about what was good in the organisation that I worked with, and what wasn’t. It was more about the culture. All organisations are the best – if they hire the right people

My friend was dancing along with her friends and they all enjoyed it. I danced with my colleagues and my non-communicative manager felt worse because of this. Of course that guilt slid into me. Of course that did affect me.

That is why it is important to review the company and the culture you are working with.

It is going to be hard, but so is it hard for the company to find the right fit for them. If they could do the emotional labour of being patient and going through the difficult stuff, so is it your responsibility to move the needle and go to the place you would be proud to say in your first page interview.

Why do we reflect?

You reflected on something that you wanted to change.

And you decided to change.

The question is: Till when?

Not only for one day or two. What are you doing to make change stick?

Before forming one more new habit and failing at all of them and calling yourself a failure, create a plan for sticking to just one habit.

And then the next. Drop by drop. Dip by dip.

What’s your weight?

This lockdown came along with gyms locked down.

Till March, I had reached a great weight resistance. Then began the workout at home.

Today I brought in weights from my old home, and lo, the resistance which I could carry initially wasn’t there. The reason, obviously, was lack of practice with weights.

In life, the more we continue to live with goodness, the more resilience we develop against what’s isn’t right – without losing on who we are.

If we remain where we are without increasing that quota of goodness, over time, we’ll lose it.

Over time, we will lose ourselves.

Lessons from today

1. The only way to feeling good is listening and reading inspirational stuff. This may sound boring, however once you start, it ain’t leaving you.

2. But that exposure to stuff won’t change your life. Your life will be changed when you move out of the noise and reflect on what all you learnt. When you become your own teacher and give yourself some homework, that’s when life changes.

3. Your old habits are waiting at your doorstep if you’re not strict with enforcing your newer, better habits.

4. Where there is true love, you accept people as they are.

5. If you want to change something with them, it’s perhaps because they’re reflecting your insecurities and incompleteness.

That’s it for today, folks! See you tomorrow 😌.

When did it actually happen?

When did it actually happen?

When did I move from giving love to needing it?

When did I move from giving tonnes of acceptance to needing it?

When did I move from cheerful, super happy and full of charm kid to crying whole day?

Never have I ever waited like this. Waiting for this time to go away. Don’t know when. I have written positivity and power for eternity. Then why so much truth? Why am I documenting my rock bottom? Why?

I have no idea. Other than the fact that I want it all out of my system.

And also one more reason: The ones suffering from mental health problems are already strong. They have to muster the strength to get back up. So don’t think they need any help. They spread awareness on it so that more people could become empathetic towards each other and more cases of depression stop from coming. That is the only reason.

Do you also feel hurt?

Do you feel hurt by people?

You did good to them however they didn’t respond?

What if they didn’t hurt you?

What if they hurt your idea of how you should be treated?

No one, absolutely no one owes you anything. If they’re good, you’re lucky. If they aren’t good, you get stronger.