So much injustice?

Think of a team of 20 people.
All are doing their work.
Some are rockstars, some are just getting along.

But you see the management treating everyone at par.

When you are a rockstar, this might irk you.
Someone else who is not performing is also being treated as well.

But…there comes a time, when things get levelled up.

We’ve all experienced this before.
The question is: What are we experiencing even when we are doing our best work? Envy or happiness?

My life is finished. COMPLETELY FINISHED.

My life is finished. COMPLETELY FINISHED.

I received this text message from a guy who was supposedly seeing me back in 2016.
This message was in lieu of his non-response to my messages for many hours (which usually didn’t happen), and suddenly this one popped up at 11 pm.

Since I was a fool back then, I inquired (read: begged) him multiple times, as to what happened.

Here’s what had happened:

He had logged in to my irctc (Portal for booking trains) account, and saw that I had booked a ticket from Delhi to Ahmedabad.
So, the nuances are, that I was going to a meditation retreat in Mt. Abu, and Ahmedabad is a subsequent station. Whenever there aren’t enough seats available in Rajdhani Express for the Delhi – Mr. Abu route, the smart way is to book your ticket till Ahmedabad and get off at Mt. Abu.

Now, why did he have a problem with Ahmedabad?
Because the guy I used to see before him (yes, I stopped at making two mistakes, no more :D), stayed in Ahmedabad. And this smart fellow thought I was going to be disloyal to him by going to Ahmedabad.

Now as I am happy getting out of that relationship, at that time also I knew that this fellow won’t ever listen to anyone, as his head is filled with his ego.

But here’s what I thought:
– Do I have to go to Ahmedabad to be infidel to this guy? Can’t I do that while sitting in Delhi itself?
– Why in the world would I book a train from Delhi to Ahmedabad? Bhaai flight na le lu?
– If I had to be infidel, why would I share my irctc password with him?

However, this guy had given me enough signs that the only reason he was in this relationship was to vent out frustration of his existing one, and the only reason I was in that relationship was because I was a fool!

I begged him to listen to me, where he responded with “I can prove it to you that tickets till Mt. Abu were available but you booked till Ahmedabad.”
That moment, that very moment where he “could prove to me but still did not because sure, I give you the privilege of my carried forward trust,” in that moment I lost my respect for him.

Honestly, both of us knew the relationship was going to end soon, but it was that moment that I actually stopped caring of what he thought.

If you truly trust someone and then you see a glimpse of something that raises your eyebrows, you talk to them. Simple. You talk to them.

You don’t stop responding to their texts, return with “My life is finished. COMPLETELY FINISHED,” and then finally allow them to avail you again! Yikes.

May no one he loves be treated like the way he treated me.

Anyway, what’s the point of sharing this here?

Here’s it:

1. This behaviour of this person was not just once. It was repetitive. And when he did get back to senses, he replicated with thousands of “I love you”, which I could never feel. People always show who they are. It is up to us, as to what we do when they show their true selves. As Maya Angelou said beautifully, “When people show you who they are, believe them!”

2. Why do you need the second lesson my dear readers, when the first one is too difficult to digest? Just reflect on the first one, and see who all you are allowing despite the fact that they don’t deserve to be in your orbit.

I must admit, my life was finished when I was with him.
But had he didn’t occur, I wouldn’t have found myself like I did, after he thankfully found so many flaws in me that the relationship had to get over.

Finally. Forever.

A note on trust

Trust yourself, as much as you trust others.

Trust yourself more often.

Trust others more often.

Trust the pain, because it solely is responsible for making you enjoy the joy of life.

Trust your hard work, it never goes to vain.

Trust your parents, even when you don’t want to.

Trust your friends, they are there for you – anytime and any place.

Trust your work, coz it will go out into the world and do more good.

More than anything else, trust yourself. You have handled worse in the past. This too, shall pass.

Does the culture of your company matter?

woman sharing her presentation with her colleagues

Today I saw a dance video of a friend of mine. She apparently was dancing with her college gang. Their energy, sync in moves, facial expressions and body language – revealed more than words ever could.

Here’s what my little knowledge of psychology tells me:

  • The people we surround ourselves with determine who we become.
  • Even they didn’t know that their friends play so important role in their happiness.
  • It is the best thing if we choose our people wisely, and if we don’t that’s a doom on us.

But why are we talking about this?

Because I was a star player in my first job because I was nurtured that way.

In my second job, things changed drastically because:

  • I asked a lot of questions, which made my manager believe I am getting too excited and I don’t know anything.
  • I was always happy and booming with joy, which was also perceived as a sign of dumbness.
  • Most importantly, there was once a trainer who was invited to our office. Those days my manager wasn’t talking to me (yes, that also happened!) because I had taken two days off owing to ill health. My work was in sync, so I attended the one-hour zumba session that the trainer conducted.

And damn, after that session it was a guilty feeling that encircled me. The feeling that I should have sat stuck at my desk because my boss would like it – I just didn’t want to be limited by that feeling so I attended the Zumba session. And more than anything else, it was organized by the HR of the company, and I, inter alia, received a formal email from her for attending the session.

This was just one instance, I could lay at least ten such instances that made me feel small in the organisation. Btw, instead of teaching me how to solve difficult problems, my manager used to ask me: “Will you be able to do it?” This wasn’t because I had proved my inability to him, it was because in our informal conversations he always highlighted how he felt men were more apt to doing this job.)

Was I wrong? Yes, in the desire of joining that organisation, I was wrong. Was I wrong in my stint at that workplace? Well, only if curiosity and cheerfulness are wrong.

In a fortunate tale of events, my leader did not like me and asked me to “look for further opportunities” because I didn’t fit the bill of fitting in.

I did get out of the organisation, and it was the best thing that happened to me.

Now, before we conclude, there were some good things in the organisation:

  • They did provide me bread and butter
  • The operations and sales team were driven to meet the customer needs, always
  • We had a break of one month after working for two months (good as well as not so good as all drive was lost).
  • My manager (yes the one who stopped talking to me) was cool and calm (sadly not driving me to performance.)
  • He said he felt bad about the leader asking me to leave, and it was all in good intent. He treated me like his daughter and perhaps because of which never bothered enough to make me bold enough to face the muddy waters of the job which is of the most importance to perform.

But this post isn’t necessarily about what was good in the organisation that I worked with, and what wasn’t. It was more about the culture. All organisations are the best – if they hire the right people

My friend was dancing along with her friends and they all enjoyed it. I danced with my colleagues and my non-communicative manager felt worse because of this. Of course that guilt slid into me. Of course that did affect me.

That is why it is important to review the company and the culture you are working with.

It is going to be hard, but so is it hard for the company to find the right fit for them. If they could do the emotional labour of being patient and going through the difficult stuff, so is it your responsibility to move the needle and go to the place you would be proud to say in your first page interview.

The most important person in a relationship

The most important person in a relationship is You.

We build trust by doing what we do for them when they are not around. That builds respect.

Respect is what we do for them when what they do is not what we want to do, yet we do it because we love and respect them.

Read the above line twice. It is important because this is why most relationships falter.

Trust and Betrayal

There’s a very close relationship of mine, where I do not feel the need to be around them anymore. We’ve been very well connected, to the extent that when I used to cry alone miles away, she used to have an intuition that something is wrong with me.

Then today, I had a conversation with a mutual friend, who said she has been pushing him to convince me to take a major life step, which I do not want to take.

Then it really hit me to connect the dots. Just because this person does not respect my life choices at an inner level, I had been consistently losing this feeling of being around them.

That is such a deep thing. Not because I was #betrayed. Okay maybe I was, however a deeper thing was that we always act out basis what is happening there inside.

There are no two sides. The white ultimately becomes light grey shortly which ends up becoming black over a period of time.

Trust is something you build when they’re not watching. Hard to build trust with someone if you don’t trust yourself.

I don’t have anger against them, I only have blessings for them to trust and respect themselves. Because it takes a broken person from inside to disrespect and not give trust to the other person’s choices.

Trust is whoa!

If you ever feel you can trust others, maybe there’s actually something to change.

Not with them, perhaps with your relationship with the person in the mirror.

Our relationships with others are simply a reflection of how we treat ourselves.

Since charity begins at home, so does trust begin with yourself.

Surprisingly, as you begin to develop that relationship with yourself, no one ever breaks your trust.

What do people need?

If someone goes out to people and tells them to buy from them straight away, no one will.

If someone else builds their brand and then showcases their products/services, then people would buy from them.

Then there are the third category of people.

Who make change happen by their very presence.

The people, when their ego is attacked, identify it and get back to their awesome state immediately.

As difficult it may be, be That Person.

What do people need?

If someone goes out to people and tells them to buy from them straight away, no one will.

If someone else builds their brand and then showcases their products/services, then people would buy from them.

Then there are the third category of people.

Who make change happen by their very presence.

The people, when their ego is attacked, identify it and get back to their awesome state immediately.

As difficult it may be, be That Person.