The manufactured definition of love

Love. Such a beautiful word.
We are born with it. We are not taught how to love. It is our real nature. We come along with it.

We smile at our family and strangers alike.
We talk to anyone and everyone irrespective of their colour or race.
We trust people for who they are.
We forgive quickly.
We are just real, with no judgements, no gossip, and definitely no need to control anyone.

This is who we are when we were born – real and untainted.

Then a terrible thing happened.
We realised the world does not function this way. The world is sadly living in a manufactured definition of love. 

Where we will be loved when we recite a poetry in front of our relatives.
Where we will be loved when we get certain percentage in schools and colleges.
Where we will be loved when we pursue a life choice that isn’t ours but of people who “love” us.
Where we will be loved when we agree to making “love” with a partner otherwise they will question our character.
Where we will be loved by our “friends” if and only if we gossip with them about other friends.

And if we do none of these and walk our own talk, we will not be loved.

Be like him.
Talk like her.
Look at what he has accomplished.

Words and people that were meant to make us rise, end up diminishing our self confidence infinitely. 

And then we wonder why don’t we feel the love we used to feel as a kid.

At this point, each one of us has two choices:

  1.  Fall for this manufactured definition of love, follow the norms others have laid down for you, and be someone who again gives manufactured love. But wait, you will have everyone there with you, to “love” you. Other than you.
  2. Be who you are, being respectful of others yet doing what you feel is right. Own your life, and take the steps that you want to take. It will be easier. But guess what? You will almost always be alone on this journey.

Most of us fall for the first one. Not because we cannot hear our inner voice. But because the external voices of manufactured love will stop coming to us if we love ourselves. And that’s scary.

Very few of us, very very few of us, who take the plunge to love ourselves, live a life of real luxury. There are roadblocks and hurdles at the start, but when you overcome them (and you always do), what comes out is You. Real You. Who is love. Not manufactured. Rather real love. And then solving all problems becomes a skill that gets compounded and works in your favour 🙂

Every single day, we have two choices – be the Real Love or fall for Manufactured Love. It is not a one-time choice. It is a daily choice.

The choices that we make daily, will determine how much real love we become.
And give to the people looking at us to show them how the world works.

The reality of social media

You must have seen people partying on the beach on Instagram.
Or making teddy bears of snow.
And making you feel like it is your life only that is at loss.

Here’s a silent truth:
Someone I know personally posted a vacay pic of theirs, with a thoughtful caption and how happy they were truly being in this flow state of life. However, I know they are going through a really, really tough time. A super tough time.

It is great that they took a break, no doubts about that.

But here is what I want you to consider:

  1. Social media = away from reality. Almost always. Rather always.
  2. People show that they are enjoying because they have FOMO – they have also seen others showing their “happy” pics and would do anything to show that they are also happy.
  3. Our real nature is happiness. When we are away from it, we would do anything to get closer or appear closer to happiness. If we get close to real happiness, awesome! If we get close to faking happiness, our hole of sadness gets deeper.

Choose the form of happiness you want to live in. And the coolest of the coolest people, who are your (real) role models, they hardly share their vacay pics online with a “success-filled” caption. Because they know that real happiness is the remaining 350 days as well, when we are not on a holiday.

Read the above line again.
For yourself.

The elaichi in biryani syndrome

For folks who dine out, elaichi is a common protest in biryani they order. In fact, if there were a competition to dig out elaichi while eating biryani, a ton of gold medals would be required to save face.

Then there are people who never face elaichi-in-biryani-syndrome. Ever.

Do you know why?

Because they cook biryani themselves or their mom does it for them. In either cases, they always know that biryani experience is going to be a rich one, sans elaichi.

How do they know that?

Because they didn’t depend on someone else to design their experience. Since it was designed by them, the experience had to be amazing.

How many times, btw, do we give the onus of cooking our (metaphorical) biryani, to someone else?

Someone with different tastes, preferences and experiences is made responsible not only for our experience, rather also our happiness.

Strange, no?

It should not be, because a ton of people don’t have a great relationship with elaichi in biryani.

Designing your own experience (instead of depending on someone else’s) is a great way to start having amazing experiences.

PS: When someone else “has to” define your experience, make sure you don’t cringe while picking out the elaichi, or better yet, define your own experience to the one curating it.