Tag: friendships

Signs from the Universe

A call dropping off is a sign from the Universe that you don’t need to call back 🙂

A friend not talking is a sign of the Universe that you are not friends anyway.

A tight tee is a sign from the Universe that you need to lose more than the weight.

Signs are simply intuitions coming to life.

A weird dream I remember

This morning I had slept again after meditating.

In that sleep, I witnessed two dreams in one. The weird part is, for the first time I remember such a weird dream.

One was from the first guy I (perhaps) loved. I received WhatsApp messages from him dropping me three locations where I would have to “meet” him later during the day. Of course I ignored those messages.

Later when I reflected, it dawned to me that this was the essence of our so-called love: “Meeting” as per his convenience and then becoming absolute strangers.

Another one was from a school friend. In fact, we were never friends in school. Very late, almost 2-3 years ago we connected on Facebook and became sort-of friends. But then he vanished all of a sudden. I was never told why or how, nor was any conversation brought in. He tried bringing his “forwarded messages” into my inbox quite recently but now I was unsure.

It was just friendship from my end. And his as well. But somewhere I always felt he needed something from me. Can’t point out exactly. But there was something. In the dream as well, he took my iPhone from me for making a call and as I moved around a bit, he had already lent my phone to a careless friend of his, who was just playing around with it. It was in a moment of luck that I saw his friend and got my phone back.

That’s it! These were the two dreams. I don’t know what they mean. Except that I do. Here’s what they mean:

  1. I still haven’t forgiven them. As a matter of fact, I didn’t think about either of them for a long long time, yet the subconscious knows everything. Sometimes, to move on, you have the grant the apology even when no one asks for it.
  2. If I still believe in these “shoddy definitions of love”, how will I ever be able to witness the true love that IS me?

That was it! Weird dreams that I weirdly remembered. Perhaps so that I could finally forget them!

The manufactured definition of love

Love. Such a beautiful word.
We are born with it. We are not taught how to love. It is our real nature. We come along with it.

We smile at our family and strangers alike.
We talk to anyone and everyone irrespective of their colour or race.
We trust people for who they are.
We forgive quickly.
We are just real, with no judgements, no gossip, and definitely no need to control anyone.

This is who we are when we were born – real and untainted.

Then a terrible thing happened.
We realised the world does not function this way. The world is sadly living in a manufactured definition of love. 

Where we will be loved when we recite a poetry in front of our relatives.
Where we will be loved when we get certain percentage in schools and colleges.
Where we will be loved when we pursue a life choice that isn’t ours but of people who “love” us.
Where we will be loved when we agree to making “love” with a partner otherwise they will question our character.
Where we will be loved by our “friends” if and only if we gossip with them about other friends.

And if we do none of these and walk our own talk, we will not be loved.

Be like him.
Talk like her.
Look at what he has accomplished.

Words and people that were meant to make us rise, end up diminishing our self confidence infinitely. 

And then we wonder why don’t we feel the love we used to feel as a kid.

At this point, each one of us has two choices:

  1.  Fall for this manufactured definition of love, follow the norms others have laid down for you, and be someone who again gives manufactured love. But wait, you will have everyone there with you, to “love” you. Other than you.
  2. Be who you are, being respectful of others yet doing what you feel is right. Own your life, and take the steps that you want to take. It will be easier. But guess what? You will almost always be alone on this journey.

Most of us fall for the first one. Not because we cannot hear our inner voice. But because the external voices of manufactured love will stop coming to us if we love ourselves. And that’s scary.

Very few of us, very very few of us, who take the plunge to love ourselves, live a life of real luxury. There are roadblocks and hurdles at the start, but when you overcome them (and you always do), what comes out is You. Real You. Who is love. Not manufactured. Rather real love. And then solving all problems becomes a skill that gets compounded and works in your favour 🙂

Every single day, we have two choices – be the Real Love or fall for Manufactured Love. It is not a one-time choice. It is a daily choice.

The choices that we make daily, will determine how much real love we become.
And give to the people looking at us to show them how the world works.

I hear you, sista <3

I had watched Big Boss Season 1.

After that, my intellect saved me forever.

However recently, I came across a Big Boss clip on Instagram, that made me think deeply.

Here’s how it goes:
The contestants are being allowed to meet their family. When Jasmin’s parents come, they force her to play her own game alone, and not with Aly. Aly was her friend and they both fell in love during the show. They show a slightly negative vibe towards her friend.

Maybe her parents are against her marriage with him, we don’t know.

But the way they told this to her made me think of two things:

  1. They could have refused for marriage when she came out, at least she would have her parents (which she does not have in Big Boss house) if not Aly with her. Har cheez ka sahi samay hota hai.
  2. For playing her game alone, this is how most parents tell their kids to do all their lives: Not to make friends. They will play on you. But you know what, trust others to the extent you cannot afford to lose. If you don’t invest, you won’t grow. If you invest too much to lose yourself, you will of course lose yourself. But advising a locked daughter to play alone and not “trust strangers” where anyway there are a lot of mental health issues going on, shows how much as a society we lack trust.

I feel for you sista.

This too, shall pass.

Honestly, I do not give any damn about her relationship with Aly because we don’t know what would happen when they both go out. But not making friends and playing alone is not how the game of life is played.

If you don’t get out of yourself, you’ve lost already.

This is a sad post

Sometimes I wish I was rich and famous.

Haha, isn’t that an ironical statement looking at my other posts?
Of course, it is.

However, here’s why I wish so:

Today I had a rift with a very good friend. She’s been super-supportive through some good valleys of life. However, each week we work on a project where I am supposed to proofread a document and she is supposed to ship it. There are other and bigger projects as well that we both work on. (This was a humble rant to show this is not only what we do :D)

So occasionally when we are not able to deliver on our project, either of us texts the other person to follow up. Last week, she did not text me, and as I realised I had to do the work, she had already shipped by then. This week, I followed up with her, however, she did not want to give me the access of the original doc (I know this because I specifically asked for credentials which the boss wanted her to share with me) so she sent me an email.

After doing the edits, I sent her the email. She responded with requiring me to highlight the changes. I said editing the core doc takes lesser time, and I do respect that you do not want to share your credentials, however, it will take more time for me to highlight that. She came back with doing it herself, along with two more solutions that were invalid according to me, however, after this I said I would have loved to do it for you had you told me straight away instead of doing things to make me do more efforts, and also apologised if anything hurt her.

No response from her.

Honestly, it felt bad.

Not because she did not “respect” me by responding. Rather because I thought we were friends and I deserved a communication and clarity from a friend.

It also felt sad because she works at one of THE top companies of the world and I have left my job to pursue writing full time (PS: I do make money that is more than my job as CA however that’s for another day) however I do not have that title with me. Maybe this was not her intention. The world, though, by default respects the ones with titles and the ones who flaunt of having more money.

I felt sad. Cried over this small thing that perhaps even doesn’t matter. Felt sad because I couldn’t create a good relationship with someone whom I thought was a friend. Sad because aren’t we supposed to be honest with our friends? Sad because I did not wake up in the morning to “grab hold” of her credentials, rather was genuinely performing my duty. Sad because maybe because of this we may never be vulnerable with each other again, however I do love her as a friend and do not want to let her go.

But, out of pure love for a human being, I wish we both brought more love onto the table.

Yet, it is the role of good friends to respect and accept each other as they are. So here we go, I’ll work on not questioning this part of her (she definitely must have had a reason) and rather be kinder towards her.

But it felt bad.

Perhaps this won’t matter a month or even a week later. Perhaps none of us is wrong. Perhaps both of us are. Perhaps she doesn’t even remember this. Perhaps she will do something good to me tomorrow out of pure intentions and we will forget about this.

However, after a leap of today’s sadness, will come multiple new lessons and thousand new ways to love those who already offer themselves to you.

True love, is loving your friends without waiting for them to love you back. Don’t hold grudges however keep a mental note to not to offer them your vulnerability again.

How long have you been friends for?

We all go through different layers of friendships.

Starting with school. Then college friends. Then friends in our jobs. Succeeded by our latest friends.

In all these stages, we have some “hello” kind of friends, some are good friends, and some become our lifelong friends.

And as much as we believe that our latest friends are our best friends (of course, they are the ones who pop up on our Instagram stories), the older the friend, the greater the understanding.

No matter you cry and talk about your boss with your latest friends, your college friends actually know where that is coming from.

No matter how much nostalgic we are with our college friends and our wonderful memories, our school friends do not need that – they are our by default psychiatrists and psychologists.

Every relationship gets stronger with the passage of time, of course, when it is nurtured consistently.

Time is power in friendships, and not investing that is losing on exponential rewards of love and belonging to a community.