29 lessons of 29 years

Today I turned 29.

Damn! The number is so big! Yet why do I feel so young?

Or in other words, how did I get so lucky to be feeling so amazing while the world is conditioned to making us think that we should start with “settling”?

The answer is that I got insanely lucky to make some wonderful decisions. To choose to get out of company of people like whom I didn’t want to become, and to choose the company of rebels, oddballs and misfits — with a strange combination of my core values guard me daily.

However, the last one year had been a strange (and a blessed) one, with loads of mistakes and loads of learning coming along — which I have made an effort to summarize in 29 points below:

  1. The best way to get what you want is to be in the company of people who are doing what you want to do. (If not in person, definitely in their social media accounts and books.)
    PS: It’s okay to not have a 5-year plan. To have a 3 or 6-month plan is equally fine. (“Do you know what kind of plan never fails? No plan at all!” — Parasite, 2019)
  2. One of the best arts you will learn is the art of mastering cold emails. Sometimes not even with the purpose of cracking a sale, rather just to form a connection. (Why? See point 1)
  3. I used to eat cheese between my breakfast and lunch as a mid-meal; however a friend copied that habit to eat it as a dessert after dinner! Incorrect timing is the shortcut to failing.
  4. The world really needs to catch up. Being positioned in a warehouse for work, I realized there was no washroom for women, let alone a dustbin to dispose sanitary napkin. No changes have been made there even after writing it to management. The only question we need to ask is: “Would we still be the same if our sister / daughter were projected to same situations?”
  5. Your relationship with others is a direct reflection of your relationship with yourself. The best way to love others is to love yourself.
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Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

6. Kindness is superpower. Especially when it’s difficult to display it.

7. Gossiping will do more harm than goodness could do peace.

8. Working out with a personal trainer is game changing — in terms of your discipline, diet, follow-up, and of course how you look and feel within.

9. If you decide to walk at least 10,000 steps a day, you will!

10. Meditation is not a trick only for monks in the Himalayas. It is rather the only vaccination against depression.

11. A small hack for those on diet and travelling: Plain rice with curd and papad is a perfect meal. Saves from oily food of restaurants and provides all micro and macro nutrients.

12. In my former job, we went from our respective cities to the HO. In an evening, we went for a get-together to a Chinese restaurant; however I do not consume onion and garlic. So, we finally went to an Indian restaurant where I ordered khichdi, while others continued with having other oily food. Lesson: it’s okay to stand by your dharma in a matter of crisis. The only thing you will get is immense support.

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Photo by Derick McKinney on Unsplash

13. When you’re misunderstood, you need to humbly stand for yourself.

14. Law of attraction works like magic. With a caveat — only if you’ve done the hard work. If I have never jumped into a pool and I wish to win a gold medal in Olympics next month, the only thing I deserve is a headache.

15. Not judging your family is the biggest gift to them. They are fighting a tough battle which we aren’t aware of.

16. Sleeping and waking up on time (and no screen time for 1 hour prior and after) will solve almost all your problems.

17. You’re becoming successful when outer success is coupled with smaller and lesser need to seek validation from others.

18. The intuition you have about people is stronger (and always truthful) than the image they’re trying to project. To rephrase, “Empathy cannot be taught. You’re either born with it or you aren’t.” — Ankur Warikoo

19. Like almost all other families, mine is also a dysfunctional one. Yet, their presence is the biggest therapy.

20. It’s okay to have a few or no friends than to have many who laugh at your progress.

21. I live a healthy lifestyle however I was hospitalized twice in last two years. Lying on that hospital bed, I realized this is simply my life shouting out loud to make a change.

22. Patience majnu, patience!

23. Consistent content creation will make you survive when everything else won’t. Even when you’re applying for a position with no qualification, experience of your content will take you to places.

24. Taking time to witness the sunrise is the best way to protect your (in)sanity.

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Photo by Rachel Cook on Unsplash

25. In the last year I have been denied chances and been (almost) cursed by people who used to “treat me as their daughter” just because I followed an unconventional path being a female. However, I have also got respect and great work because of the same reason. External or internal validation. We get to choose either every single day.

26. No. No. Absolutely no. With kindness, bro!

27. People do what they know is the best. In 90% cases they aren’t intentional about it.

28. The world inside you needs to get out — through writing, creating videos, making drawings, dancing, singing — anything! It will keep you sane and the world will silently learn from your example.

29. The journey of going within will always settle things on the outside. Always.

That’s it, folks! 29 years, 29 lessons, loads of love from family — such an amazing time to be alive in!

Even if a single word made sense to you, I’ve done my job well! We are, after all, the stories we tell ourselves. Keep rocking folks, and I’ll see you tomorrow!

The scariest question

What if there is no one who loves me?

This is a scary question.

However the answer is a simple one.

No one actually loves you.

If you feel love is coming to you from someone, it’s because they are so full of love that they radiate it.

If you feel you are loved, that’s because you believe yourself to be worthy of love.

Love – is never to be experienced from others.

You can just fill yourself with so much love that you are radiating and receiving it all the time.

That is your true nature.

It removes all doubts of not being loved.

The question is, what will you do to get back to you?

No prescriptions, just the truth that you deserve needs to be the answer.

It makes it very clear that love is what you are made up of.

Where do you bring so much love from?

I was having a conversation with someone yesterday, who was justifying their anger.

When I told them you always have the option to choose love, they said where do I get so much love from?

Very valid question.

With a simple answer: connect with God because He is the ocean.

Like every relationship, it requires commitment.

Like every deep relationship, it will nurture deeply.

That strange DM

Today I received a LinkedIn DM from an old school mate.

Nothing real, just very small talk to strike a conversation.

And I decided to ignore it.

Not because I had some expectations of him and he had shattered them.

Rather because how long?

How long will we keep basing our dopamine on random DMs from strangers?

How long will we keep wasting our time in pursuits that cumulatively waste days from our years?

How long will we allow someone else to decide when will we be available on social and they steer the conversation?

The best people live on the edge of saying no. That’s where everything happens.

To listen to “yes’s” saying hundreds of “no’s” is the most important thing. Sometimes even in a day.

Feeling worthy each day!

Warren Buffet says that he enjoys his work so much that he would tap dance to work, and paint on the ceiling of Sistine Chapel.

Life is supposed to be like this.

At a point of time in my life, my life didn’t look like this. I hated my days.

Yet I continued investing in my learning.

And what came out of it, is totally novel.

Life feels blissful. Even if I work more, it is the best version of my life so far. Still to get better each day.

The thing that saved me, that will probably save you as well, is: investing in my learning each day. No matter what.

Everything else is just a byproduct.

Cute life lessons

1. Never take a decision with a bad mood. See after two weeks of right mood if that was the right decision.

2. Replacing Instagram with Medium is the best emotional investment ever.

3. Paying your bills on time is a reflection of how eased out your life is.

4. Having to tap dance at work is the goal you have signed up for.

5. There is incredible upside in being honest. Never give up on being that.

Some of the life lessons that have been helping me tremendously these days. Hope they will do the same to you.

To feel whole

You will feel whole.

You will feel better.

You will feel you belong.

You will feel you matter.

And you do.

The problem is not you feeling bad or empty. The problem is you not acknowledging it. When you do, you immediately take the dagger from the emptiness to yourself. And then you begin.

The most important person in a relationship

The most important person in a relationship is You.

We build trust by doing what we do for them when they are not around. That builds respect.

Respect is what we do for them when what they do is not what we want to do, yet we do it because we love and respect them.

Read the above line twice. It is important because this is why most relationships falter.

Some beautiful quarantine learnings

1. Watering plants makes you feel humbler and happier.

2. Your parents need nothing other than your presence.

3. Cleaning with wiper is both abs and back workout, sweeping the floor is a great cardio.

4. Home cooked chocolate cake is super delicious.

5. Life is wonderful without TV serials!

Truth is freaking hard bro!

You really want to speak everything bad to that one person.

Except the fact that, that bad won’t change them either. It would just make them worse off.

You want to talk with that one person who does not want to talk with you.

Except the fact that, even if they start talking with you they won’t respect you anyway.

You want to change that one family member whose habits you’re not proud of.

Except the fact that, even if by a miracle of Aladdin’s Ginnie, even if they change – is your happiness always conditional on other people?

You want your team to love you.

Except the fact that, everyone loves only couch potato. For someone who is “doing something” will never be liked by all.

You want to….

Except the fact that, there will always be a “yang” to every “yin”, and vice versa.

Walking on the path of truth, is the only journey you’d be proud of!

Rejection.

Rejection.

No one wants to be rejected.

Yet we do get rejected all the time – in relationships that didn’t work out, in jobs where we didn’t find our happiness, in childhood when we were scolded for no fault of ours.

It’s like someone inserting a scalpel into your eyes without giving you the anaesthesia.

Even the thought pricks a hole in the heart.

Yet it’s impossible to find a successful person who was not rejected. Not one ever.

Rejection does not mean we were wrong or we were not accepted.

It simply means we were not aligned.

Relationship rejection – love yourself now.

Job rejection – your work you love is shouting out loud at you to be noticed.

Childhood rejection – don’t do the same to your kids (and your parents).

Rejection never stops anyone. Unless one is ready to be stopped.

You get to decide.

Better

No one ranked better because they shouted more. Okay, in the short term, they did.

No one became great because they took away credit for someone else’s creativity.

Absolutely no one ever won because they were great at making others feel like losers.

The way to getting better, is to get better.

The way to rising higher, is to make others rise as well.

The way to eternal goodness, is the eternal goodness for all.

About growth

Numbers

Followers

Salary

Likes and comments.

Four circles or three arrows in your car brand.

Centralised AC.

Chimney that doesn’t make any noise.

Success – we have measured it by metrics that world has taught us to.

Maybe it isn’t success. Maybe success is the way you really want.

There’s nothing wrong with material things, if you really want them.

If that’s not what really makes you happy, then we really need to live and grow by our own version of happiness.

About not having anger

Anger is something that serves none of us.

Why we do it, is like scolding a child. Won’t work.

Why not ask yourself: “How can I be calmer and under self control in these situations?”

We get the life, we sign up for.

The Failure Story

Today I stumbled upon the failure resume of Ankur Warikoo. Was a wonderful peep into why this man is so humble despite having achieved so much in life.

Basis that I decided to prepare a failure resume of my life so far. Not about career as he did, rather what has made me strong so far.

I am often told by a lot of people:

“You’re too strong!”

“You understand things quite deeply.”

Also on the last day of my first job, my then boss (who had never said it), said me: “My indirect guru!”

While all these things may seem elating, this 28 year of life span has taught neither to be super-happy on appreciation, nor to be super-sad while being criticized.

Yet I was not born with this strength. 

Here’s how I happened to develop it:

2002: Class VI – My then best friend found a new best friend all of a sudden. Not only I was friendless, I also sat in a corner while all others played basketball in games period. 

Lesson learnt: I started becoming friends with everyone – na kaahu se dosti na kahu se vair. And bam! Started enjoying school life unlike ever before.

2003: Our whole family has decided to go to a park on a Sunday evening. Maa and sisters have prepared dahi bhallas and aloo tikki to be eaten up there. I am ready with my badminton and best hair band. My masi and my cousin have also come home – we will all enjoy together. 

Just half an hour before we are about to leave, Papa says we won’t go. He blabbered some reason which I could intuitively feel were not right. He just said no means no.

Lesson learnt: I always make it a point to take my nephew / nieces to park – no matter how much I want to rest. They just know one thing: “If masi has committed, she will take us to the park and play with us.” (Without phone.)

2010: IIM – A, where the world goes to fulfill their dreams, I signed up for a nightmare. Went there for a day-long conference, and met the first person I fell in relationship with. 

He liked nothing about me – absolutely nothing other than my skin colour. He became friends with my cousin, used to talk with her while I had already been thrown out of his life, and above everything – threw me out of his place on our last meeting.

Lesson learnt: Not yet bro, I had one bigger jolt to learn the lesson.

2011: The sister just older than me, who is also the closest one – gets engaged and married. After her marriage she faces some problems in her own life, because of which she couldn’t devote time to our relationship.

Lesson learnt: Learn to channel your loneliness into solitude. That’s when I fell in love with books for eternity. 

2014: Nana died. I was one of his favourite kids. I go through all his last rites peacefully, strong as a rock. It came out naturally, didn’t have to do it.

Two weeks later, my Mom asked me: “Where do you bring so much power from? You didn’t even cry! I helped myself a lot just by looking at the way you conducted yourself and knowing what Nana meant to you!”

Lesson learnt (this time a powerful one): Keep filling yourself with power, over a period of time it will become automatic.

2016: Okay, this is the second jolt. Was exactly the photocopy of the first guy, with additional splice of anger, blame game and a ton of blackmailing.

I considered myself lucky to finally be able to get out of that.

Lesson learnt: Your life has a pattern. If it is following a pattern you aren’t proud of, reflect over it and change. (Disclaimer: Neither of these 2 persons were bad – they were just not right.) Also, learnt to say no gracefully and without any guilt.

2017: This is when I have started journaling a lot. Have started listening to God’s words. Have made a relationship with him. He is right there for me, every single time.

2018: Me and my best friend were supposed to go to Goa in January. We booked our tickets in July itself. Excitement was at its best. We were just reverse counting the days.

Somewhere around November, another friend of hers also books her tickets with us. I feel resentful in the beginning – it was a trip for both of us. Yet, I thought it was immature to react so much, and of course, my excitement belongs to me. I continued being excited.

In December 2017 I texted my friend: “Yayyy!!! Next month finally Goa!” She replied with a cold message, and asked if her friend would hamper our enjoyment. I said yes she would, however let’s focus on what’s working.

She said it’s better not to go then.

Cool. I cancel my tickets. She also tries to, yet since the refund is negligible, she decides not to cancel it.

Later around Christmas, she pushes me to book my tickets again. I choose not to, price is 4X now.

On the day of her take off, I am in a meeting onsite. Couldn’t take her call. Saw her message later that she just wanted to talk. I went back to my hotel room, call my sister, and cry a lot. A lottt.

Lesson learnt: To love your friends without any condition. We are still very good friends. Yet conditioned my mind to accept her where she is, instead of laying a bunch of expectations on her.

Also, I make God my bff now. We are just the best since then.

That’s it people, some small takes in this big picture called Life.

Gary Vaynerchuk, who posts a lot about optimism and hope, said once: I wish people could share their real struggles with everybody – the world would be so much lighter and happier if it happened.

That was the very reason I shared these struggles with you. Not to brag about what I went through. People have been through worse. Yet, when we know the process we honour the result and respect the journey. 

Nothing is natural other than nature. We have become who we are.

From tomorrow, we’ll go back to possibility and power! Hasta-la-vista baby!!

New friends

New friends.

When you find new friends of course you feel great, you feel like you have arrived home.

Yet at the same time it’s it would be great to remember that those friends help you make you a bigger version of you, a better version of you.

Would be wise to not be like them rather being just the best version of you. Balance of love. Best of both worlds.

That phone call…

Yesterday I received a call from someone who usually does not talk with me. Also, I avoid talking with them because they consistently criticise me for my life choices. (Fun fact: This was not an ex :D)

However, instead of being more mindful, I happened to answer their call. And they followed suit – to give me opinions and tell why my life choices are not right.

This usually does not bother me, however the person on the other side was someone whom I respected in the past. A lot.

I finally hung down the phone and got myself back to normal through self-talk.

Today morning when I called up home, Papa asked: “Why are you appearing so out of place?”

While I ignored that question and drifted our conversation to other things, I finally told him everything.

Here’s how he responded to me:

1. You do not have to ignore their calls, just decide what you will pay attention to or what you will not pay attention to.

2. It may so happen that out of 10 bad things they say about you, one of those things really happen to turn out in your favour.

3. Learn to listen to critics, they are more valuable than friends, because they make you realise the importance of self-love.

Learning from wisdom and experience of elders truly collapses the learning curve.

PS: Love yourself, no one else is going to change their opinions to love you.