29 lessons of 29 years

Today I turned 29.

Damn! The number is so big! Yet why do I feel so young?

Or in other words, how did I get so lucky to be feeling so amazing while the world is conditioned to making us think that we should start with “settling”?

The answer is that I got insanely lucky to make some wonderful decisions. To choose to get out of company of people like whom I didn’t want to become, and to choose the company of rebels, oddballs and misfits — with a strange combination of my core values guard me daily.

However, the last one year had been a strange (and a blessed) one, with loads of mistakes and loads of learning coming along — which I have made an effort to summarize in 29 points below:

  1. The best way to get what you want is to be in the company of people who are doing what you want to do. (If not in person, definitely in their social media accounts and books.)
    PS: It’s okay to not have a 5-year plan. To have a 3 or 6-month plan is equally fine. (“Do you know what kind of plan never fails? No plan at all!” — Parasite, 2019)
  2. One of the best arts you will learn is the art of mastering cold emails. Sometimes not even with the purpose of cracking a sale, rather just to form a connection. (Why? See point 1)
  3. I used to eat cheese between my breakfast and lunch as a mid-meal; however a friend copied that habit to eat it as a dessert after dinner! Incorrect timing is the shortcut to failing.
  4. The world really needs to catch up. Being positioned in a warehouse for work, I realized there was no washroom for women, let alone a dustbin to dispose sanitary napkin. No changes have been made there even after writing it to management. The only question we need to ask is: “Would we still be the same if our sister / daughter were projected to same situations?”
  5. Your relationship with others is a direct reflection of your relationship with yourself. The best way to love others is to love yourself.
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Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

6. Kindness is superpower. Especially when it’s difficult to display it.

7. Gossiping will do more harm than goodness could do peace.

8. Working out with a personal trainer is game changing — in terms of your discipline, diet, follow-up, and of course how you look and feel within.

9. If you decide to walk at least 10,000 steps a day, you will!

10. Meditation is not a trick only for monks in the Himalayas. It is rather the only vaccination against depression.

11. A small hack for those on diet and travelling: Plain rice with curd and papad is a perfect meal. Saves from oily food of restaurants and provides all micro and macro nutrients.

12. In my former job, we went from our respective cities to the HO. In an evening, we went for a get-together to a Chinese restaurant; however I do not consume onion and garlic. So, we finally went to an Indian restaurant where I ordered khichdi, while others continued with having other oily food. Lesson: it’s okay to stand by your dharma in a matter of crisis. The only thing you will get is immense support.

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Photo by Derick McKinney on Unsplash

13. When you’re misunderstood, you need to humbly stand for yourself.

14. Law of attraction works like magic. With a caveat — only if you’ve done the hard work. If I have never jumped into a pool and I wish to win a gold medal in Olympics next month, the only thing I deserve is a headache.

15. Not judging your family is the biggest gift to them. They are fighting a tough battle which we aren’t aware of.

16. Sleeping and waking up on time (and no screen time for 1 hour prior and after) will solve almost all your problems.

17. You’re becoming successful when outer success is coupled with smaller and lesser need to seek validation from others.

18. The intuition you have about people is stronger (and always truthful) than the image they’re trying to project. To rephrase, “Empathy cannot be taught. You’re either born with it or you aren’t.” — Ankur Warikoo

19. Like almost all other families, mine is also a dysfunctional one. Yet, their presence is the biggest therapy.

20. It’s okay to have a few or no friends than to have many who laugh at your progress.

21. I live a healthy lifestyle however I was hospitalized twice in last two years. Lying on that hospital bed, I realized this is simply my life shouting out loud to make a change.

22. Patience majnu, patience!

23. Consistent content creation will make you survive when everything else won’t. Even when you’re applying for a position with no qualification, experience of your content will take you to places.

24. Taking time to witness the sunrise is the best way to protect your (in)sanity.

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Photo by Rachel Cook on Unsplash

25. In the last year I have been denied chances and been (almost) cursed by people who used to “treat me as their daughter” just because I followed an unconventional path being a female. However, I have also got respect and great work because of the same reason. External or internal validation. We get to choose either every single day.

26. No. No. Absolutely no. With kindness, bro!

27. People do what they know is the best. In 90% cases they aren’t intentional about it.

28. The world inside you needs to get out — through writing, creating videos, making drawings, dancing, singing — anything! It will keep you sane and the world will silently learn from your example.

29. The journey of going within will always settle things on the outside. Always.

That’s it, folks! 29 years, 29 lessons, loads of love from family — such an amazing time to be alive in!

Even if a single word made sense to you, I’ve done my job well! We are, after all, the stories we tell ourselves. Keep rocking folks, and I’ll see you tomorrow!

What if you don’t get it?

The thing that you are looking for, is superficial.

You will not get it because it depends on someone else seeing it in you.

You will get it because being honest deep within, is a rare trait to be acknowledged. Let that trait shine on, even when there is acknowledgment coming from someone else to someone else. Being authentic is rare, live up to that.

The easiest way to change your life

If you look at your day, you’ll find several things to make the radical shift.

And to look at all of them might sound demeaning.

So here’s the way to change your life:

Change just one thing in your day that causes you most pain.

Just one. Not three. Not five. Just one.

Maybe you check your phone just for ten minutes in the morning and it may get your schedule haywire.

Maybe you have your dinner quite late.

Maybe you get distracted easily in your environment.

What is it that causes you the most pain?

Tackling just one thing will lead to domino effect of life altering habits.

Decide now.

The abuse

For a kid, the parents would never abuse them.

Until they do. For every interaction they have with their kids.

The abuse, sadly, is something which could not be filtered for profanity because it does not use profane words.

It comes in mild words and powerful programming like:

“You won’t be able to do it.”

“Don’t do this. You will fail.”

“You are no good.”

Parents keep telling this to kids, until it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

None of us had a perfect childhood. That’s not the problem, that’s the solution.

Because now we have the pen to write the script. As difficult as it may sound, we all write our script daily.

We may choose the script today. Since it is presumably not going to be a repeated one, it is going to take efforts. Yet without efforts, do you want your today to be equally self abusive?

Hard work is too hard

Why don’t your efforts come to fruition when you try too hard, ever thought about it?

What happens when the result of your effort does not match what it should be?

Simple.

At a core level, we don’t believe that we deserve that success.

Why don’t we believe that? Because we are probably hanging around with:

• same people

• same habits

Which ones are holding you back?

Working hard

If hard work could solve all the problems…

…you know it doesn’t.

Except when it does.

Hard work, without putting in the right thoughts process and strategy, won’t ever come to rescue.

Having a laser like focus and not working hard for it, won’t either.

The goal, then, is to use your power of discernment, and decide if you really ought to be working hard Bro.

Anxiety

Anxiety is tricky.

The game is to make yourself never have anxiety.

The game is to play the game in the first place.

The game is to bring your best game.

The game of life is to be so busy that anxiety does not get to enter you.

The game is to be easy while being so busy that you know you are above all the situations life could offer you.

The game is to trick the game of anxiety, by being resilient when you don’t need it in the first place.

“Will you take care of me,” says who!

We live in a messy world.

Or maybe we have created it so.

Or maybe the world is a beautiful place to be.

Or maybe…

…maybe you know all I am going to say that it is a matter of perception.

All that said and done, the world you and I outside is created by what we do within.

If you disagree, try thinking ONLY positive for the next twenty-four hours and notice the difference.

Deal?

Breaking the norms

To break the norms does not mean break the legal norms and go murder the person you’ve desperately wanting to do for years.

Breaking the norms, may seem useful (and powerful) when you break the ones that are not serving you, like:

  • You may choose to go workout instead of making tea for someone who is already busy getting obese. (Love begins with the one in the mirror.)
  • You may choose to get up from a boring meeting and come back after a 10-minute walk (your mind and body get recharged by missing out on irrelevant stuff.)
  • You may choose to cook a ten-minute khichdi versus waiting for a quick 30-minute calorie filled home delivery.
  • You may choose to send that email you know you have been waiting to send, versus scrolling a meme page on Instagram.
  • You may choose to do a quick reading of at least two pages, versus listening to gossips of others on your metro ride.

You have tonnes of norms to break, that aren’t serving the society. More than that, you.

Will you break the norms for You?

What you should never do

We don’t do the things we decide to do. We do the things we set our standards to do. It’s less about willpower, it’s more about your self-image.

Since it’s about your self-image, you can alter it the moment you want to.

The best way to alter your self-image is to be repetitive about it.

Keep on reiterating what you want yourself to look like, and see the magic of h0w your life looks like.

It is all in the repetition, if you are ready to do it like you do for yourself, like you have probably programmed yourself for the things that didn’t work so far.

Try the other way round.

2019 – Life Lessons

How can we wrap up 2019 without sharing the wonderful life lessons this year brought along? Here we go, hope you enjoy reading them, as much as I did, writing:

  1. If you sit and eat (without phone), and chew well, your quantity of food reduces to less than half.
  2. Walk up to random people you see daily (in the gym, in your workspace, in the park) and give them a word of appreciation. You don’t know how what problem they might be going through.
  3. Everything you enjoy and every single person you enjoy with are going to come to an end. This is not negativity, rather a reason, to be internally fulfilled.
  4. Working out with a personal trainer will give you rewards no self-gymming could give. You will learn the specifics of working with a pro only when you treat your body like a pro-temple, to run your life.
  5. Listen to the stories people tell, even if you aren’t interested. You giving away your five or fifteen minutes may reduce their burden they’ve been carrying for perhaps fifteen years.
  6. Badmouthing never helps. No matter how truthful it is.
  7. Your parents don’t post an IG story on your birthday. Most likely, they aren’t even there on Instagram. Yet no one loves you like they do. Don’t equate social media validation with love.
  8. The sure shot way to failure is to mimic influencers, versus learning from them.
  9. There are going to be times when you’re going to lose faith in some relationships that matter the most to you. In such times, just remember: “your heart is a place for God to reside in. How can God’s home hold dirt against someone whom you love so much?” When you start operating from this consciousness, you automatically start having empathy for that loved one versus expecting them to have sympathy for you.
  10. You always know the answer in your heart. Be clear and polite enough to say a no when you don’t mean otherwise.
  11. When you push yourself, you get results you thought were out of reach. In the start of the year I forced myself to think I don’t have time for 10K steps a day, and guess what, didn’t achieve that target on most days. In December 2019 when I started getting serious about taking in at least 10K steps, it somehow started happening automatically. Daily!
  12. It’s okay to fail. At least you weren’t focused on checking in what others were doing wrong.
  13. “Speak your truth, even when your voice shakes,” says Robin Sharma. 200% true.
  14. If your intentions are pure, you can melt stones to water. Intentions are the real power.
  15. You are always meditating. Even when you’re thinking “nothing good happens with me, I’m no good, why am I being treated like this, etc.,” those are also the times you are reiterating a pattern to yourself. What gets repeated, gets reprogrammed.
  16. Content creation is the king. I never felt this way ever before than 2019, and when you are strategic in creating contextual content and distributing it, your brand grows 100X over a period of time you won’t even realise. (PS: Even if you are in a job with no intentions of getting famous, having a brand presence for yourself is like the swoosh of Nike – the brand itself gets everything else done.)
  17. Your parents love you, even if their words say otherwise. Tell them, you do them, too.
  18. If you have the ability to enjoy a family lunch without bringing in the phone, you are one of the richest people on the planet.
  19. Don’t think your problems are too hard. Everyone else’s problems are hard as well. Learn to dance with them versus via them.
  20. Working on yourself, and being the “lit” lighthouse, lights up 100s of people. People are already carrying a storehouse of dull lull with them. If your presence lights people up even for the three second stride on the corridor, you are creating miracles beyond trillions!

Those were some of mine, easy yet the ones that will make 2020 better.

Want to know some of the business and career lessons 2019 brought along? Check them out here.

Today’s post?

You may post on Day 1 and it is going to be fun.

You may post on Day 2 and it still goes okay.

You may want to do your 10th post on Day 31.

And then there are people who make it to the top, because they moved beyond the fear of 278th post that didn’t do well, and are still on their work ethic.

Do you know why?

Because they’re not random “post because it’s fancy” kinda people. Rather because, they post to make a difference. If not this one, the next one definitively will make a difference.

Because past 277 posts were not in vain. They did make a difference, even to a single person, and that compound interest is enough to keep them going.

And that very non-execution creates non-executors.

Isn’t jumping in still better than reclining?

There’s this pool you want to jump into.

But on the outside, it looks too deep, too dangerous, perhaps terminal to jump into.

Hey, wait…you know that voice that’s telling you it’s dangerous, because you surely know it isn’t yours.

It’s the voice of people who are sitting at the back, and haven’t ever had the audacity to even walk up to the edge of the pool.

You clearly know it isn’t your voice.

Then a strange thing happens.

You jump into the pool, and realise it wasn’t that deep or that terrific at all.

Maybe sitting back on recliners and boohoo-ing isn’t so peaceful and powerful as jumping in feels like.

Now that you’re able to navigate that pool, here’s my question to you: “What if, the pool is actually too deep and dangerous, and is tougher than you thought?

Isn’t jumping in still better, so you develop your skills to the next level, instead of staying away from arena for the rest of your life?”

Isn’t jumping in still better than reclining?

The “after” feeling

If you think it’s easy for pro’s to get up and do the workout daily, you’re wrong.

No one, absolutely no one wants to go through the grind.

They still go through it, because the feeling that comes after the hard work, is unmatchable.

Don’t go with what you are going through. Go with what you want to go through.

Focus on power of future versus what pain it brings in the present.

The ability to say no

You could be a meaningful specific or a wandering generality,” said Zig Ziglar.

The internet with its many names, has made anyone, possible to reach anyone.

How we figure out to use the Internet, is up to us.

You cannot be and do everything, unless you  have a dedicated team to curate your contenet and distribute it to various platforms.

The solution, then, is to build a solid social media presence on one or two platforms.

For the rest, even if you  post less frequently, it’s okay. A part of maturity is acceptance of the fact that NOT everyone is your audience.

The bigger maturity is that you are going to be loved and revered when you master the art of saying no (gracefully).