My bro and bhabhi have been married for almost 4 years now.
After having a bit of knowledge and research into psychology, it is a great thing to see a relationship like this.
It isn’t about couples, rather every relationship. The way they respect each other, the way they have fun with each other, and most importantly, the way neither of them loses on their individual personality despite being together – are rare things to be found in relationships these days.
If you have managed to protect at least 2 or 3 relationships like this, you’re a rich human.
Yesterday my father turned 66. While his life has innumerable lessons, here are some that inspire me today:
1. Picked up exercise during lockdown. Still continues it for an hour daily.
2. Loves to go to his work daily. A trait missing in a lot of millennials.
3. Is always there to listen to my problems, without judgement. Ever.
4. Will give up anything but never honesty. That, in turn, brings him tons of blessings.
5. Most importantly, understands the space I am in. Thus, never forces me or even brings up the topic of marriage. Being a boomer and raised by parents who witnessed WW2 and partition of the country, this mindset shift from him is the best gift he could give to me.
Here’s a closing note: Him and I have different points of view on almost everything. Yet, you will miss your father when he is gone. Love him despite the differences. No one would love you like him, and this comes from someone who is the biggest rebel to her father. 🤗
When did I move from giving tonnes of acceptance to needing it?
When did I move from cheerful, super happy and full of charm kid to crying whole day?
Never have I ever waited like this. Waiting for this time to go away. Don’t know when. I have written positivity and power for eternity. Then why so much truth? Why am I documenting my rock bottom? Why?
I have no idea. Other than the fact that I want it all out of my system.
And also one more reason: The ones suffering from mental health problems are already strong. They have to muster the strength to get back up. So don’t think they need any help. They spread awareness on it so that more people could become empathetic towards each other and more cases of depression stop from coming. That is the only reason.
Yesterday was a day purposefully missed out on blog.
Played badminton with cousins after a really long time. Covid has brought all the memories of having fun with each other back.
Also attended two online classes of two people I admire a lot.
And said no to someone who has no sense of respecting someone else’s (and their own) time. Without letting them know. Felt great. Learnt better tactics.
Honestly I could have done that. But I wanted me time. Sadly, our society values and respects us only when we are “doing something” and not when we are chilling and spending time with family.
That’s sad. And we need to change it. How? A. By taking some me time. B. By not judging others when they take their own.
Society just doesn’t go for a bath and gets cleaner. We do it each day by what we do. And by what we choose not to do.
The moment one uses this word, it comes across as someone who is dominating, trying to pull you down, and thinks nothing in your interest, only in the interest of getting work done.
While I have worked with several bosses over the past years, I understand getting a good one is merely a chance of luck. Otherwise we are all doomed.
When you have a good one, there may be times when you may still want to change parts of their personality.
Of course, you may be considering job switch or client switch (because the client is also a boss) or making any other move, there is something you can always change, which is: becoming more elevated in your state of mind.
This may sound like the most obvious answer.
Feeling bad and rejected because of boss? Make a more elevated state of mind.
Feeling resentful towards them? Create a more elevated state of mind.
Want to do gossip about them? Create a more elevated state of mind.
You may actually not want to do that in all these situations, and just go and deflate their car tyre as an easy option.
However, here’s the harsh reality friends: Unless you change your own attitude (no matter how good it is right now – remember, elevation 😇), you won’t have the power to change your attitude towards someone else.
By all means keep looking for a new job if this one doesn’t feel right for you.
However, in the midst, in the process of finding out a new one, is it really worth your time to spend emotional and mental energy on someone who probably doesn’t care? Perhaps they are going through a bigger life problem that you aren’t aware – and their behavior is simply a reflection of that problem. Maybe their kid is not as bright as you and that’s why they want to pull you down.
Perhaps none of these reasons exist and still they aren’t humanly nice to you. Everyone is fighting a battle we don’t know – not even about our immediate family.
To make the change outside, starting within is perhaps the first step. And the last one. And all the steps in the middle. Everything else will be taken care of.
No, no one would change because of that. But you won’t be losing yourself in the process of coping up or finding a new boss. That’s when, you become your own boss.
If you want to help someone else, make sure you’ve helped yourself.
If you think you are still doing them a favour, you are not.
People love to know they’re loved, only if they could feel you loving yourself.
Part II: Asking for Help
If you are asking for someone else’s help out of their obligation to do it for you and out of their inability to not do it willingly, probably you need to rethink your choices.
Conclusion:
The only way to have everything aligned on the outside is to align yourself from within. Nothing changes before that.
Damn! The number is so big! Yet why do I feel so young?
Or in other words, how did I get so lucky to be feeling so amazing while the world is conditioned to making us think that we should start with “settling”?
The answer is that I got insanely lucky to make some wonderful decisions. To choose to get out of company of people like whom I didn’t want to become, and to choose the company of rebels, oddballs and misfits — with a strange combination of my core values guard me daily.
However, the last one year had been a strange (and a blessed) one, with loads of mistakes and loads of learning coming along — which I have made an effort to summarize in 29 points below:
The best way to get what you want is to be in the company of people who are doing what you want to do. (If not in person, definitely in their social media accounts and books.) PS: It’s okay to not have a 5-year plan. To have a 3 or 6-month plan is equally fine. (“Do you know what kind of plan never fails? No plan at all!” — Parasite, 2019)
One of the best arts you will learn is the art of mastering cold emails. Sometimes not even with the purpose of cracking a sale, rather just to form a connection. (Why? See point 1)
I used to eat cheese between my breakfast and lunch as a mid-meal; however a friend copied that habit to eat it as a dessert after dinner! Incorrect timing is the shortcut to failing.
The world really needs to catch up. Being positioned in a warehouse for work, I realized there was no washroom for women, let alone a dustbin to dispose sanitary napkin. No changes have been made there even after writing it to management. The only question we need to ask is: “Would we still be the same if our sister / daughter were projected to same situations?”
Your relationship with others is a direct reflection of your relationship with yourself. The best way to love others is to love yourself.
6. Kindness is superpower. Especially when it’s difficult to display it.
7. Gossiping will do more harm than goodness could do peace.
8. Working out with a personal trainer is game changing — in terms of your discipline, diet, follow-up, and of course how you look and feel within.
9. If you decide to walk at least 10,000 steps a day, you will!
10. Meditation is not a trick only for monks in the Himalayas. It is rather the only vaccination against depression.
11. A small hack for those on diet and travelling: Plain rice with curd and papad is a perfect meal. Saves from oily food of restaurants and provides all micro and macro nutrients.
12. In my former job, we went from our respective cities to the HO. In an evening, we went for a get-together to a Chinese restaurant; however I do not consume onion and garlic. So, we finally went to an Indian restaurant where I ordered khichdi, while others continued with having other oily food. Lesson: it’s okay to stand by your dharma in a matter of crisis. The only thing you will get is immense support.
13. When you’re misunderstood, you need to humbly stand for yourself.
14. Law of attraction works like magic. With a caveat — only if you’ve done the hard work. If I have never jumped into a pool and I wish to win a gold medal in Olympics next month, the only thing I deserve is a headache.
15. Not judging your family is the biggest gift to them. They are fighting a tough battle which we aren’t aware of.
16. Sleeping and waking up on time (and no screen time for 1 hour prior and after) will solve almost all your problems.
17. You’re becoming successful when outer success is coupled with smaller and lesser need to seek validation from others.
19. Like almost all other families, mine is also a dysfunctional one. Yet, their presence is the biggest therapy.
20. It’s okay to have a few or no friends than to have many who laugh at your progress.
21. I live a healthy lifestyle however I was hospitalized twice in last two years. Lying on that hospital bed, I realized this is simply my life shouting out loud to make a change.
22. Patience majnu, patience!
23. Consistent content creation will make you survive when everything else won’t. Even when you’re applying for a position with no qualification, experience of your content will take you to places.
24. Taking time to witness the sunrise is the best way to protect your (in)sanity.
25. In the last year I have been denied chances and been (almost) cursed by people who used to “treat me as their daughter” just because I followed an unconventional path being a female. However, I have also got respect and great work because of the same reason. External or internal validation. We get to choose either every single day.
26. No. No. Absolutely no. With kindness, bro!
27. People do what they know is the best. In 90% cases they aren’t intentional about it.
28. The world inside you needs to get out — through writing, creating videos, making drawings, dancing, singing — anything! It will keep you sane and the world will silently learn from your example.
29. The journey of going within will always settle things on the outside. Always.
That’s it, folks! 29 years, 29 lessons, loads of love from family — such an amazing time to be alive in!
Even if a single word made sense to you, I’ve done my job well! We are, after all, the stories we tell ourselves. Keep rocking folks, and I’ll see you tomorrow!
The thing that you are looking for, is superficial.
You will not get it because it depends on someone else seeing it in you.
You will get it because being honest deep within, is a rare trait to be acknowledged. Let that trait shine on, even when there is acknowledgment coming from someone else to someone else. Being authentic is rare, live up to that.
When we practice a dedicated practice of meditation, we hardly face issues managing our time and focus.
It’s not just for monks in the Himalayas. Fully effective for corporate ninjas like you and I.
Here’s the best thing meditation has done for me:
The ability to complete a two-hour task in 20-30 minutes. As exaggerating as it may sound, if you have practiced meditation consistently, you know this is as true as water.
The answer is: you should take yourself seriously and be easy going in the process.
Take your mindset seriously, and be easy going towards the first time mistakes (second timers are the ones you didn’t learn from).
Take your efforts seriously, and easy going towards someone else’s.
You always know when is it the time to be disciplined and when to chill. You just need to decide – which will come from practising serious discipline as well as easy going discipline.
