Do you feel intimidated by more successful people?
It’s good to, as long as that is where you want to be.
It’s not good, if you’re taking that from relatives who don’t know where they are going.
Choices we get to make.
Tag: people
Back in my school days, rather for the entire time of my formal education, I was a top scoring student.
Off late, when exams were dismissed by education boards in India, it still came as a pleasant respite to me.
Someone in my family, who passed their exams 20+ years back, wasn’t though.
When I told them I was quite happy with it, they were rather upset.
“How could YOU be happy?”
“What would happen to students like you, whose life depended on school marks?”
“Won’t it be unfair for students like you?”
Though I could sense they were not in a position to understand, it made me think:
- How many of real world skills are dependent on the numbers you got?
- Yes, your marks gave you a kick-start at the beginning of your career, however, did they decide your entire future? Never.
- We all have countless examples of back-benchers who went out to do amazing things in life, then why do we still place so much importance on formal education?
Of course, formal education is important. However the pressure we put on it to take us to the other end is unbelievable.
What really matters beyond formal education, is:
- Real world education: To observe. Reflect. Let your life be the teacher.
- Entrepreneurship: It doesn’t just mean starting up. It also means having the mindset of getting things done with trust for them.
- Letting go: So so important. The basis of life is letting go, after being and doing your best. Everything that you see with your eyes, is going to vanish. What will stay, is how you actually lived in between your two ears, during this time.
Closing statement: Formal education isn’t dead yet. However, the authority it had to dominate our lives never existed. You get to decide how your life will be, not your formal education.
We have witnessed real life examples of nepotism…at least for Bollywood.
While I reality, nepotism exists everywhere.
You may do all the good work however the boss has someone else as their favourite.
So be it even if you go volunteer for a good cause.
We all are lying on different spectrums of that.
The goal, then, is not to cringe about it.
The goal is to decide what you’re going to do despite it.
If you’re alone and you don’t like it, somewhere you have done something to deserve it.
If you’re alone and you do like it, somewhere you have done something to deserve it.
Part I: Giving Help
If you want to help someone else, make sure you’ve helped yourself.
If you think you are still doing them a favour, you are not.
People love to know they’re loved, only if they could feel you loving yourself.
Part II: Asking for Help
If you are asking for someone else’s help out of their obligation to do it for you and out of their inability to not do it willingly, probably you need to rethink your choices.
Conclusion:
The only way to have everything aligned on the outside is to align yourself from within. Nothing changes before that.
Today I turned 29.
Damn! The number is so big! Yet why do I feel so young?
Or in other words, how did I get so lucky to be feeling so amazing while the world is conditioned to making us think that we should start with “settling”?
The answer is that I got insanely lucky to make some wonderful decisions. To choose to get out of company of people like whom I didn’t want to become, and to choose the company of rebels, oddballs and misfits — with a strange combination of my core values guard me daily.
However, the last one year had been a strange (and a blessed) one, with loads of mistakes and loads of learning coming along — which I have made an effort to summarize in 29 points below:
- The best way to get what you want is to be in the company of people who are doing what you want to do. (If not in person, definitely in their social media accounts and books.)
PS: It’s okay to not have a 5-year plan. To have a 3 or 6-month plan is equally fine. (“Do you know what kind of plan never fails? No plan at all!” — Parasite, 2019) - One of the best arts you will learn is the art of mastering cold emails. Sometimes not even with the purpose of cracking a sale, rather just to form a connection. (Why? See point 1)
- I used to eat cheese between my breakfast and lunch as a mid-meal; however a friend copied that habit to eat it as a dessert after dinner! Incorrect timing is the shortcut to failing.
- The world really needs to catch up. Being positioned in a warehouse for work, I realized there was no washroom for women, let alone a dustbin to dispose sanitary napkin. No changes have been made there even after writing it to management. The only question we need to ask is: “Would we still be the same if our sister / daughter were projected to same situations?”
- Your relationship with others is a direct reflection of your relationship with yourself. The best way to love others is to love yourself.
6. Kindness is superpower. Especially when it’s difficult to display it.
7. Gossiping will do more harm than goodness could do peace.
8. Working out with a personal trainer is game changing — in terms of your discipline, diet, follow-up, and of course how you look and feel within.
9. If you decide to walk at least 10,000 steps a day, you will!
10. Meditation is not a trick only for monks in the Himalayas. It is rather the only vaccination against depression.
11. A small hack for those on diet and travelling: Plain rice with curd and papad is a perfect meal. Saves from oily food of restaurants and provides all micro and macro nutrients.
12. In my former job, we went from our respective cities to the HO. In an evening, we went for a get-together to a Chinese restaurant; however I do not consume onion and garlic. So, we finally went to an Indian restaurant where I ordered khichdi, while others continued with having other oily food. Lesson: it’s okay to stand by your dharma in a matter of crisis. The only thing you will get is immense support.
13. When you’re misunderstood, you need to humbly stand for yourself.
14. Law of attraction works like magic. With a caveat — only if you’ve done the hard work. If I have never jumped into a pool and I wish to win a gold medal in Olympics next month, the only thing I deserve is a headache.
15. Not judging your family is the biggest gift to them. They are fighting a tough battle which we aren’t aware of.
16. Sleeping and waking up on time (and no screen time for 1 hour prior and after) will solve almost all your problems.
17. You’re becoming successful when outer success is coupled with smaller and lesser need to seek validation from others.
18. The intuition you have about people is stronger (and always truthful) than the image they’re trying to project. To rephrase, “Empathy cannot be taught. You’re either born with it or you aren’t.” — Ankur Warikoo
19. Like almost all other families, mine is also a dysfunctional one. Yet, their presence is the biggest therapy.
20. It’s okay to have a few or no friends than to have many who laugh at your progress.
21. I live a healthy lifestyle however I was hospitalized twice in last two years. Lying on that hospital bed, I realized this is simply my life shouting out loud to make a change.
22. Patience majnu, patience!
23. Consistent content creation will make you survive when everything else won’t. Even when you’re applying for a position with no qualification, experience of your content will take you to places.
24. Taking time to witness the sunrise is the best way to protect your (in)sanity.
25. In the last year I have been denied chances and been (almost) cursed by people who used to “treat me as their daughter” just because I followed an unconventional path being a female. However, I have also got respect and great work because of the same reason. External or internal validation. We get to choose either every single day.
26. No. No. Absolutely no. With kindness, bro!
27. People do what they know is the best. In 90% cases they aren’t intentional about it.
28. The world inside you needs to get out — through writing, creating videos, making drawings, dancing, singing — anything! It will keep you sane and the world will silently learn from your example.
29. The journey of going within will always settle things on the outside. Always.
That’s it, folks! 29 years, 29 lessons, loads of love from family — such an amazing time to be alive in!
Even if a single word made sense to you, I’ve done my job well! We are, after all, the stories we tell ourselves. Keep rocking folks, and I’ll see you tomorrow!
I’m sure there must be some people whom we have kept out of viewing our Instagram and WhatsApp stories. The reason could be any – whether we don’t want them to know about our life, or we simply don’t want them to be in our life at all!
Think about it for a second: what if someone has already kept you out of their stories?
It’s natural to have a FOMO and feel bad as well.
However, what if that could be one of the best things to happen to you today?
Why do we want to know everything about everyone?
What will be the consequences if we don’t know that? Simple – we would be at more peace. And that’s elusive. Lack of indulgence is greatest power.
The thing that you are looking for, is superficial.
You will not get it because it depends on someone else seeing it in you.
You will get it because being honest deep within, is a rare trait to be acknowledged. Let that trait shine on, even when there is acknowledgment coming from someone else to someone else. Being authentic is rare, live up to that.
Someone in my circle, is going through a tough time in their life.
They have been going through a lot of tough decisions that they want to take.
Last couple of days, we got to spend some time together.
I spoke with them on some days, and they were okay the next day.
Today they’re back to square one, wishing and wanting the world to change.
Here’s the secret about the world: It will change the moment we change.
In order for us to change, it will:
a. initially require focussed effort
b. an effort to leave your bad habits
c. the belief that in order to change your life, you need to change your life.
The dependency on people is short lived. You get to spend your entire life with yourself. What you choose to do when no one is watching, is what you get to become when everyone is watching.
It is a strange world, of course.
And in this whole process of being open and sharing your thoughts with others, are we really safe and secure there?
Most people today are carrying an emotional load.
And if we choose to share ourselves with them, the advice that is going to come isn’t necessarily going to be useful, rather the opposite.
So how do we be open in the first place?
Simple. Communicate everything to God. I personally write a letter to God every single night before going to bed, and the way he helps is miraculous.
As weird as it may sound, it is the reason that strong people persist and are able to be the lighthouse.
Will you, starting today?
PS: No one will see it, you’ll be happy!
When people are in the whirlwind of their emotions, when they have given everything and still believe we deserve more, people lose their control over self, and start blaming others.
What they need right now, is not a closure.
What they need is a walk.
And we need walks all the time. To think twice before hitting send. It would save us a lifetime of regret.
Goodbyes are the most beautiful things on the planet.
When we know we have to say a goodbye, all of a sudden we tend to forget what pain they caused us.
We suddenly feel regret on the pains we know we caused to them.
Why does it happen in the first place?
It happens, because we humans tend to live life on the pedestals of tomorrow.
Will make that call tomorrow.
Will call my sister tomorrow.
Will pay the credit card bill tomorrow.
The way we love tomorrow, if we loved our today the same way – no goodbye would be so painful.
Here’s a parting question: Where in your life would we feel bad, if we didn’t get a chance to say a goodbye?
1. Never take a decision with a bad mood. See after two weeks of right mood if that was the right decision.
2. Replacing Instagram with Medium is the best emotional investment ever.
3. Paying your bills on time is a reflection of how eased out your life is.
4. Having to tap dance at work is the goal you have signed up for.
5. There is incredible upside in being honest. Never give up on being that.
Some of the life lessons that have been helping me tremendously these days. Hope they will do the same to you.
A day will come…
When you will enter a crowded metro
Take out a snack from your bag and eat it there, and clean hands with your jeans.
And then you’ll smile at finally having reached there.
It’ll make you appreciate the metro crowd.
And when you do it, you’ll realise this solitude was all that you needed.
The best time to appreciate what you have, is now.
For several years, I’ve seen Oprah repeat Maya Angelou’s words:
When people show you who they are, believe them!
I for the longest time used to think that this was not right.
And proved myself wrong over and over again.
Oprah was very very right about what she said.
When people show you they’re mean, believe them.
When people show you they’re kind, believe them.
When people show you they’re angry, believe them.
And while you do believe them, continue believing in your own power to be super focused and powerful to what you radiate out to them. You be you, perhaps they will show you a better side of themselves.
The most important person in a relationship is You.
We build trust by doing what we do for them when they are not around. That builds respect.
Respect is what we do for them when what they do is not what we want to do, yet we do it because we love and respect them.
Read the above line twice. It is important because this is why most relationships falter.
For a kid, the parents would never abuse them.
Until they do. For every interaction they have with their kids.
The abuse, sadly, is something which could not be filtered for profanity because it does not use profane words.
It comes in mild words and powerful programming like:
“You won’t be able to do it.”
“Don’t do this. You will fail.”
“You are no good.”
Parents keep telling this to kids, until it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
None of us had a perfect childhood. That’s not the problem, that’s the solution.
Because now we have the pen to write the script. As difficult as it may sound, we all write our script daily.
We may choose the script today. Since it is presumably not going to be a repeated one, it is going to take efforts. Yet without efforts, do you want your today to be equally self abusive?
It is a disease not restricted to a few people.
Rather, there are very few people who don’t suffer from this.
Well, what to do if you want to be one of those few people?
a. Being kind even when you have the right to be unkind is an unprecedented advantage.
b. Replacing “you’re an idiot” with “I think there is a miscommunication” lets the other person know that they’re not unwanted.
c. More than anything else, when we move around the world with the backstory that we are the hero and our role is to make others rise, instead of being the villain who wants everyone to fall down.
Split personality disorder is real and more rampant than we ever thought. What we need is a decision to have a personality we would be proud of.
And to live to that personality when things inevitably don’t go vanilla.
Strictness does not mean rudeness.
Strictness also does not mean lack of a great bond.
Strictness also does not mean lack of respect.
However when work is to be respected, accountability must arise.
When we let people know the inherent measure of respect, we create a space for them to respect themselves.
The limit is the quality of content and people you surround yourself with.
The limit is the books you don’t read.
The limit is the empathy you don’t give to yourself.
The limit is the chats you have while you shouldn’t.
The limit is the DMs you don’t send.
The limit is the smiles you knew you could spread.
The limit is your decisions.