Strong and happy. Maybe!

I want to put a strong and happy face and tell it’s going alright.

I also want to be grateful for the love and blessings that I have been blessed with.

I also want to do great and productive stuff.

However it just isn’t.

Family thinks I’m too lost. In reality, I am too lost.

They think I’m working too much. In reality, I am trying to work too much.

They perhaps believe I don’t care. In reality, can someone please care without conditions attached?

Will learn to deal with it, navigate it, fight it, tell myself it will be over.

And it will.

Till then, we may just learn to switch from spreading awareness to becoming the awareness.

About the weekend

Yesterday was a day purposefully missed out on blog.

Played badminton with cousins after a really long time. Covid has brought all the memories of having fun with each other back.

Also attended two online classes of two people I admire a lot.

And said no to someone who has no sense of respecting someone else’s (and their own) time. Without letting them know. Felt great. Learnt better tactics.

Honestly I could have done that. But I wanted me time. Sadly, our society values and respects us only when we are “doing something” and not when we are chilling and spending time with family.

That’s sad. And we need to change it. How? A. By taking some me time. B. By not judging others when they take their own.

Society just doesn’t go for a bath and gets cleaner. We do it each day by what we do. And by what we choose not to do.

We need more people who understand us.

We need more people to respect us.

We need people who could see how hard we are working.

Amidst all of that, have we taken time to acknowledge our own journey?

And have we dug deep and acknowledged someone else?

If the answer to both these is yes, do we then really need someone to appreciate us?

Forming relationships

Forming relationships is beyond connecting with people from LinkedIn to WhatsApp.

Forming relationships is just being the genuine human being that you are, without ulterior motive of collaborations.

When you do so, just because you want to give, what you’ll receive will come to you manifold.

Did you have a good childhood?

I see a lot of parents of my generation who still teach their kids what to do and what not to do.

That’s the saddest thing to happen.

Because we are creating another version of ourselves.

And we won’t be doing it in the first place if we were proud of what we have become.

Our parents’ generation did not have as many privileges as we have.

Not using the privileges that we have, is probably worse than not having privileges.

If you’re feeling negative

If you’re feeling negative because of someone, there are two options:

You can talk to them. Or you can’t.

If you have the relationship to talk to them, please do. It will clear all the mist.

If that relationship is not where you can talk, does it make sense to lose your sleep over? Perhaps the person needed to be talked to, is you.

Is truth false?

If you choose to show your authentic self, it is amazing how many people would offer themselves to help you.

Society has taught us to show only goodness and beauty, and that is what brings respect from others.

The real thing, if surfaced to the top, would bring in reality from everyone else as well.

Collectively, we will take things forward, by showing where we lag.

Otherwise, false impressions will create false realities, which will serve no true purpose.

How to find that balance

Today I was supposed to meet some deadlines.

Then my niece came over, and she came specially to play with me.

So I had two choices – to scold her to come uninformed, or to play with her.

I did the latter.

Because you know what?

I have always stood by doing great work. So now I had a great bandwidth to delay.

It’s all about finding that balance. Do epic work to such a large extent, that when you don’t, it doesn’t make any difference:

Is nepotism real?

We have witnessed real life examples of nepotism…at least for Bollywood.

While I reality, nepotism exists everywhere.

You may do all the good work however the boss has someone else as their favourite.

So be it even if you go volunteer for a good cause.

We all are lying on different spectrums of that.

The goal, then, is not to cringe about it.

The goal is to decide what you’re going to do despite it.

Helping and Asking for help

Part I: Giving Help

If you want to help someone else, make sure you’ve helped yourself.

If you think you are still doing them a favour, you are not.

People love to know they’re loved, only if they could feel you loving yourself.

Part II: Asking for Help

If you are asking for someone else’s help out of their obligation to do it for you and out of their inability to not do it willingly, probably you need to rethink your choices.

Conclusion:

The only way to have everything aligned on the outside is to align yourself from within. Nothing changes before that.

29 lessons of 29 years

Today I turned 29.

Damn! The number is so big! Yet why do I feel so young?

Or in other words, how did I get so lucky to be feeling so amazing while the world is conditioned to making us think that we should start with “settling”?

The answer is that I got insanely lucky to make some wonderful decisions. To choose to get out of company of people like whom I didn’t want to become, and to choose the company of rebels, oddballs and misfits — with a strange combination of my core values guard me daily.

However, the last one year had been a strange (and a blessed) one, with loads of mistakes and loads of learning coming along — which I have made an effort to summarize in 29 points below:

  1. The best way to get what you want is to be in the company of people who are doing what you want to do. (If not in person, definitely in their social media accounts and books.)
    PS: It’s okay to not have a 5-year plan. To have a 3 or 6-month plan is equally fine. (“Do you know what kind of plan never fails? No plan at all!” — Parasite, 2019)
  2. One of the best arts you will learn is the art of mastering cold emails. Sometimes not even with the purpose of cracking a sale, rather just to form a connection. (Why? See point 1)
  3. I used to eat cheese between my breakfast and lunch as a mid-meal; however a friend copied that habit to eat it as a dessert after dinner! Incorrect timing is the shortcut to failing.
  4. The world really needs to catch up. Being positioned in a warehouse for work, I realized there was no washroom for women, let alone a dustbin to dispose sanitary napkin. No changes have been made there even after writing it to management. The only question we need to ask is: “Would we still be the same if our sister / daughter were projected to same situations?”
  5. Your relationship with others is a direct reflection of your relationship with yourself. The best way to love others is to love yourself.
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Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

6. Kindness is superpower. Especially when it’s difficult to display it.

7. Gossiping will do more harm than goodness could do peace.

8. Working out with a personal trainer is game changing — in terms of your discipline, diet, follow-up, and of course how you look and feel within.

9. If you decide to walk at least 10,000 steps a day, you will!

10. Meditation is not a trick only for monks in the Himalayas. It is rather the only vaccination against depression.

11. A small hack for those on diet and travelling: Plain rice with curd and papad is a perfect meal. Saves from oily food of restaurants and provides all micro and macro nutrients.

12. In my former job, we went from our respective cities to the HO. In an evening, we went for a get-together to a Chinese restaurant; however I do not consume onion and garlic. So, we finally went to an Indian restaurant where I ordered khichdi, while others continued with having other oily food. Lesson: it’s okay to stand by your dharma in a matter of crisis. The only thing you will get is immense support.

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Photo by Derick McKinney on Unsplash

13. When you’re misunderstood, you need to humbly stand for yourself.

14. Law of attraction works like magic. With a caveat — only if you’ve done the hard work. If I have never jumped into a pool and I wish to win a gold medal in Olympics next month, the only thing I deserve is a headache.

15. Not judging your family is the biggest gift to them. They are fighting a tough battle which we aren’t aware of.

16. Sleeping and waking up on time (and no screen time for 1 hour prior and after) will solve almost all your problems.

17. You’re becoming successful when outer success is coupled with smaller and lesser need to seek validation from others.

18. The intuition you have about people is stronger (and always truthful) than the image they’re trying to project. To rephrase, “Empathy cannot be taught. You’re either born with it or you aren’t.” — Ankur Warikoo

19. Like almost all other families, mine is also a dysfunctional one. Yet, their presence is the biggest therapy.

20. It’s okay to have a few or no friends than to have many who laugh at your progress.

21. I live a healthy lifestyle however I was hospitalized twice in last two years. Lying on that hospital bed, I realized this is simply my life shouting out loud to make a change.

22. Patience majnu, patience!

23. Consistent content creation will make you survive when everything else won’t. Even when you’re applying for a position with no qualification, experience of your content will take you to places.

24. Taking time to witness the sunrise is the best way to protect your (in)sanity.

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Photo by Rachel Cook on Unsplash

25. In the last year I have been denied chances and been (almost) cursed by people who used to “treat me as their daughter” just because I followed an unconventional path being a female. However, I have also got respect and great work because of the same reason. External or internal validation. We get to choose either every single day.

26. No. No. Absolutely no. With kindness, bro!

27. People do what they know is the best. In 90% cases they aren’t intentional about it.

28. The world inside you needs to get out — through writing, creating videos, making drawings, dancing, singing — anything! It will keep you sane and the world will silently learn from your example.

29. The journey of going within will always settle things on the outside. Always.

That’s it, folks! 29 years, 29 lessons, loads of love from family — such an amazing time to be alive in!

Even if a single word made sense to you, I’ve done my job well! We are, after all, the stories we tell ourselves. Keep rocking folks, and I’ll see you tomorrow!

Not in their WhatsApp stories

I’m sure there must be some people whom we have kept out of viewing our Instagram and WhatsApp stories. The reason could be any – whether we don’t want them to know about our life, or we simply don’t want them to be in our life at all! 

Think about it for a second: what if someone has already kept you out of their stories?

It’s natural to have a FOMO and feel bad as well.

However, what if that could be one of the best things to happen to you today?

Why do we want to know everything about everyone?

What will be the consequences if we don’t know that? Simple – we would be at more peace. And that’s elusive. Lack of indulgence is greatest power.

The scariest question

What if there is no one who loves me?

This is a scary question.

However the answer is a simple one.

No one actually loves you.

If you feel love is coming to you from someone, it’s because they are so full of love that they radiate it.

If you feel you are loved, that’s because you believe yourself to be worthy of love.

Love – is never to be experienced from others.

You can just fill yourself with so much love that you are radiating and receiving it all the time.

That is your true nature.

It removes all doubts of not being loved.

The question is, what will you do to get back to you?

No prescriptions, just the truth that you deserve needs to be the answer.

It makes it very clear that love is what you are made up of.

Where do you bring so much love from?

I was having a conversation with someone yesterday, who was justifying their anger.

When I told them you always have the option to choose love, they said where do I get so much love from?

Very valid question.

With a simple answer: connect with God because He is the ocean.

Like every relationship, it requires commitment.

Like every deep relationship, it will nurture deeply.

Goodbyes

Goodbyes are the most beautiful things on the planet.

When we know we have to say a goodbye, all of a sudden we tend to forget what pain they caused us.

We suddenly feel regret on the pains we know we caused to them.

Why does it happen in the first place?

It happens, because we humans tend to live life on the pedestals of tomorrow.

Will make that call tomorrow.

Will call my sister tomorrow.

Will pay the credit card bill tomorrow.

The way we love tomorrow, if we loved our today the same way – no goodbye would be so painful.

Here’s a parting question: Where in your life would we feel bad, if we didn’t get a chance to say a goodbye?

The feeling of emptiness

It’s a feeling that just doesn’t go.

Or sometimes I mix it up with my introversion and love for work.

This is not for likes or comments, just to reveal a wall that’s been hiding.

And I do end up breaking it sometimes, only to come to the stones that built it up in the first place.

That I want to go to the hall and chit chat with my family.

That I want to be optimistic along with sharing that feeling of emptiness within.

That I know that it’s okay to be okay when it’s not okay.

Yet I do none of these.

Because anything that is not stomach ache, fever or diabetes is not a disease – that our society and upbringing has taught us.

Perhaps because they would want to hide it under anger, like everything else.

Perhaps because it requires the need to acknowledge your own inner needs to be able to acknowledge them in other.

Yet on the other side of the tunnel I see hope.

And I trust that hope like sunshine.

And somehow we will manage to come out of it.

I don’t know how to end this, yet this is not the end. For sure.