Neither too excited.
Nor too indifferent.
Just being. And listening as if we are wrong.
That would bring about the biggest changes in each conversation.
Category: People
I’m sure there must be some people whom we have kept out of viewing our Instagram and WhatsApp stories. The reason could be any – whether we don’t want them to know about our life, or we simply don’t want them to be in our life at all!
Think about it for a second: what if someone has already kept you out of their stories?
It’s natural to have a FOMO and feel bad as well.
However, what if that could be one of the best things to happen to you today?
Why do we want to know everything about everyone?
What will be the consequences if we don’t know that? Simple – we would be at more peace. And that’s elusive. Lack of indulgence is greatest power.
The thing that you are looking for, is superficial.
You will not get it because it depends on someone else seeing it in you.
You will get it because being honest deep within, is a rare trait to be acknowledged. Let that trait shine on, even when there is acknowledgment coming from someone else to someone else. Being authentic is rare, live up to that.
Today I received a LinkedIn DM from an old school mate.
Nothing real, just very small talk to strike a conversation.
And I decided to ignore it.
Not because I had some expectations of him and he had shattered them.
Rather because how long?
How long will we keep basing our dopamine on random DMs from strangers?
How long will we keep wasting our time in pursuits that cumulatively waste days from our years?
How long will we allow someone else to decide when will we be available on social and they steer the conversation?
The best people live on the edge of saying no. That’s where everything happens.
To listen to “yes’s” saying hundreds of “no’s” is the most important thing. Sometimes even in a day.
When people are in the whirlwind of their emotions, when they have given everything and still believe we deserve more, people lose their control over self, and start blaming others.
What they need right now, is not a closure.
What they need is a walk.
And we need walks all the time. To think twice before hitting send. It would save us a lifetime of regret.
Goodbyes are the most beautiful things on the planet.
When we know we have to say a goodbye, all of a sudden we tend to forget what pain they caused us.
We suddenly feel regret on the pains we know we caused to them.
Why does it happen in the first place?
It happens, because we humans tend to live life on the pedestals of tomorrow.
Will make that call tomorrow.
Will call my sister tomorrow.
Will pay the credit card bill tomorrow.
The way we love tomorrow, if we loved our today the same way – no goodbye would be so painful.
Here’s a parting question: Where in your life would we feel bad, if we didn’t get a chance to say a goodbye?
For several years, I’ve seen Oprah repeat Maya Angelou’s words:
When people show you who they are, believe them!
I for the longest time used to think that this was not right.
And proved myself wrong over and over again.
Oprah was very very right about what she said.
When people show you they’re mean, believe them.
When people show you they’re kind, believe them.
When people show you they’re angry, believe them.
And while you do believe them, continue believing in your own power to be super focused and powerful to what you radiate out to them. You be you, perhaps they will show you a better side of themselves.
The most important person in a relationship is You.
We build trust by doing what we do for them when they are not around. That builds respect.
Respect is what we do for them when what they do is not what we want to do, yet we do it because we love and respect them.
Read the above line twice. It is important because this is why most relationships falter.
There’s a very close relationship of mine, where I do not feel the need to be around them anymore. We’ve been very well connected, to the extent that when I used to cry alone miles away, she used to have an intuition that something is wrong with me.
Then today, I had a conversation with a mutual friend, who said she has been pushing him to convince me to take a major life step, which I do not want to take.
Then it really hit me to connect the dots. Just because this person does not respect my life choices at an inner level, I had been consistently losing this feeling of being around them.
That is such a deep thing. Not because I was #betrayed. Okay maybe I was, however a deeper thing was that we always act out basis what is happening there inside.
There are no two sides. The white ultimately becomes light grey shortly which ends up becoming black over a period of time.
Trust is something you build when they’re not watching. Hard to build trust with someone if you don’t trust yourself.
I don’t have anger against them, I only have blessings for them to trust and respect themselves. Because it takes a broken person from inside to disrespect and not give trust to the other person’s choices.
For a kid, the parents would never abuse them.
Until they do. For every interaction they have with their kids.
The abuse, sadly, is something which could not be filtered for profanity because it does not use profane words.
It comes in mild words and powerful programming like:
“You won’t be able to do it.”
“Don’t do this. You will fail.”
“You are no good.”
Parents keep telling this to kids, until it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
None of us had a perfect childhood. That’s not the problem, that’s the solution.
Because now we have the pen to write the script. As difficult as it may sound, we all write our script daily.
We may choose the script today. Since it is presumably not going to be a repeated one, it is going to take efforts. Yet without efforts, do you want your today to be equally self abusive?
Strictness does not mean rudeness.
Strictness also does not mean lack of a great bond.
Strictness also does not mean lack of respect.
However when work is to be respected, accountability must arise.
When we let people know the inherent measure of respect, we create a space for them to respect themselves.
To face failures is great.
To share it is greater, because you are being vulnerable.
To share it with those who will make fun of it and perhaps treat you with disrespect – shows you need to change your circle.
Any business relationship we enter into, we may either feel it’s great or we may feel something is not right at all.
On the surface everything may look cool, you won’t be able to point out what.
Yet you know in your heart that this business relationship is not going to work right.
Be a little right to yourself, and walk out from there. Only when you get away from wrong, will the right make space in your life.
Agreeing with people is great. Every single human needs validation more than anything else.
However if you want to go ahead in life, you need to learn to tell what could be better – in a way that it does not offend the other person.
Everyone wants to get better. And if we see something that could help them get better and conceal it, we are making them worse. Nothing could be worse.
Easy versus critical, yet the truth.
Shouting out loud works.
And then it says the trust of the person shouted at.
Our goal is to go far, together. Not fast and lonely.
Letting your life and lifestyle make its imprint, instead of shouting to get things done – is a great thing to begin with. That never made ends.
Staying in silence is good. Thinking others should also do this way, is too much a burden for them.
Working out is good. Not respecting others when they don’t, isn’t.
Liking Sufi music is great. Expecting others to find it melodious isn’t.
Having choices is what makes us human.
Respecting others with their choices makes us a super human.
Not asking them to change because we want them to, is divine.
No one ranked better because they shouted more. Okay, in the short term, they did.
No one became great because they took away credit for someone else’s creativity.
Absolutely no one ever won because they were great at making others feel like losers.
The way to getting better, is to get better.
The way to rising higher, is to make others rise as well.
The way to eternal goodness, is the eternal goodness for all.
Even when we see that people are doing wrong, they are doing it right.
They are. From their point of view.